The material world

When I was  14 years old, my well travelled Aunt gave me a gold lipstick holder she had bought in Japan (when on her latest overseas adventure).  I wasn't even wearing lipstick then but I treasured as only a young teenager does.  You can read more about my Aunt here.

That piece of ''Chokin Art" represented a big wide world, impossibly exciting experiences, and also became more special as I visited Japan so many times myself and saw 'Chokin' products on sale there.

As years went by that holder went everywhere with me - and if it could talk would tell of going round the world with me three or four times, accompanying me to parties, dates, and special events - and  being witness to decades of colour trends (blood red, dark maroon, frosty pink, and more latterly conservative rose).

But this week, the worst happened.  The lipstick holder has gone.  I can only assume that it fell out of my handbag as I raced between appointments.  I have scoured the car, the house, the office, to no avail.  I know it shouldn't matter - it was worn and old and the mirror was cracked - but this little thing had been literally everywhere in the world that I had been, and I have to say - I'm kind of grieving for it.  It represented so much, it had BEEN THROUGH so much with me!  It reminded me of the lesson my Aunt taught me (never leave the house - or the car - without fresh lipstick on.

A search on Google suggests i could replace it without too much trouble - and for not much money. But it's not the same.  I don't want another one.  I want THAT one - the one that reminded me every day (often more than once) of my impossibly glamorous Aunty, that thing that has seen everything in the world that I have - that was my most used possession.

I know material possessions don't matter (after all am I not the queen of minimalism) but there are some things...a few things... that really do. And this was - is - one of them.

I vainly hope it will turn up.  But if it doesn't, I can only hope that the person who might find it will not idly throw it in the rubbish, but wonder where it came from and what it might have meant to the person who lost it.

a little more than a hundred days of happiness

I've been following a few people as they chronicle blessings for one hundred days. I'm not quite sure how this movement started, nor how it had the ability to get so popular and so long lasting (100 days is a long time on the Internets after all...)...but it's nice reading warm fuzzies and positive stories.  You can read my favourite here.

Never one to follow the crowd, I have been musing about how I might take part in this phenomenon but in a different way. (Actually, the stark reality is that I'm a big picture person and I already know there's no way I'm gonna get to 100 posts in 100 days...).  Instead, I've decided to list 100 things that are my ''small pleasures'' and blessings in life.  In no particular order here are the first 50...

1. impromptu dinners with my favourite people
2 a new toothbrush
3. a new hairbrush
4. cats purring
5. rain on the roof when you're tucked up inside
6. moonrise viewed from the spa pool
7. something fabulous and coveted on sale for a fraction of it's original price, and in my size
8. scarves
9. high heeled boots
10. Nana's and Grandads
11. Real letters in the mail
12. Clean sheets on the bed
13. An empty laundry basket and no ironing to do either
14. A freshly ironed shirt
15. Kid cuddles
16. Grown up cuddles
17. A favourite song on the radio in rush hour traffic
18. Random ''thinking of you'' texts received in the midst of a busy day
19. Lie ins on a weekday
20. New paint
21. Car washes
22. A simply awesome cup of coffee
23.Dark chocolate
24. Best Friends and enduring friendship
25. Siblings
26. Knowing I can always ask my Mum what she thinks
27. Knowing I can listen to the advice but I don't have to act on it
28. Panadol, disinfectant, and toothpaste - three of the greatest inventions of the 21st century
29 that moment you walk out of the hairdressers feeling a million bucks
30. Comfortable underwear (especially if it actually looks good too)
31. A shared sense of humour and the ability to share a laugh at the most inopportune moments
32. Discovering a great new restaurant
33. Dancing
34. Two people, one motorbike and a long road on a sunny day
35. Campfires
36. Fireworks at New Year (or any other time really)
37. The precious half hour between waking yourself, and the kids getting up
38. Watching your children when they are asleep
39. Reading a great book
40. Ticking something awesome off the bucket list
41. Sharing that something awesome with someone awesome
42. Fabulous kitchen utensils and appliances (never underestimate a good knife)
43. Spending time with a friend you haven't seen in ages and picking up like it was yesterday
44. Christmas morning. And Christmas Eve.
45. finding a great recipe and reproducing it
46. staying at goal weight longer than you ever thought possible
47. losing the last couple of kg that makes all the difference
48. capturing something on camera and realising it was a perfect moment and it's a perfect shot
49. Hearing I love You
50. Saying I love You

The culture of business

Back in my days as a trainer, when working with a company that was undergoing a massive organisational change, much of what we were asked to deliver to employees focused on 'company culture'.  In this case it was the merging of two very different organisations that required gentle handling: a community bank and a large international one, joining forces to create a new business.

It took a long time for the two ''cultures'' to merge - physically it was literally an overnight transformation but it was several years, and a fair amount of staff churn, before there was a real gelling happening on the shop floor.

There can be challenges in all sizes of  organisations too, not just monoliths like this one. Consider the ''mad inventor'' who suddenly - or not so suddenly - finds himself running a large organisation on the back of what was once just one guy and a great idea. Often unskilled and usually unprepared, the poor entreprenuer can easily get trapped by thinking that their sole trader model can simply grow into a larger version of itself.

The culture of the workplace can make or break the success of an organisation. And so I offer this as my 8 point guide to creating a great business that people want to work in, stay in, and be proud to tell others about.

1. Lead from the top. The Board and/or CEO need to live and breathe the (carefully developed and clearly communicated)  values of the company - to the extent that their own behaviour/s need to be ''beyond reproach''
2. Start at the bottom. The way people dress, the language they use, the layout and decor of the office all impact on the way a business operates - even the kind of music playing in the background will contribute.
3. Make it clear. Expectations regarding the little things (clothing, language etc) need to be spelled out (better to be obvious than obscure).  Similarly, the big things (strategic goals, long term plans) should be shared freely with your employees as a way of engendering trust and buy-in. Demonstrate zero tolerance for behaviours that don't fit with your company values.
4. Stop look and listen.  That message is especially for business leaders, who are often too busy running the business to see what's happening on the shop floor.  Pay attention to the lunch room conversations, see what is on the office walls of employees, take heed of their feedback in meetings (and act on it)
5. Make room to move. Whether it's little (what kind of coffee is in the lunch room), middle size (changing the seating plan) or big (allowing team members to contribute to planning, or to give feedback on the company and it's leadership), get people talking.  Encourage conversation and open communications. A secretive organisation is unhealthy. As is an inflexible, prescriptive work environment.
6. Act on it. If something's broken, fix it. If there's an opportunity to improve, take it. If your values include generosity, for example, act on it - buy coffee, give vouchers!
7. Tell a good story.  Develop a great narrative about your organisation and share it.  Live it, believe it, and let others continue to share it on your behalf.  That doesn't mean ''spilling company secrets'' but it does mean creating positive messages about the business and letting word of mouth do the rest.  And if you're telling porkies you're going to get caught out. Refer points 1 through 6.
8. Stay balanced.  If you're a leader, act like a leader - but remain connected to your team.  If you're on your way up, be mindful of your position in the company but keep striving.  If you're in an unbalanced work environment by way of age/gender/other diversity, consider how you could change it. Embrace differences. Listen to advice, take the best from it. Surround yourself with people who are honest in their opinions.  Don't just listen to the things they know you want to hear.



Lower staff turnover, higher productivity, reduced costs, better marketing and publicity. It takes time for sure. It requires effort, sometimes a dash of bravery to maintain. But a strong and healthy company culture means nothings but good things for the business.



a definition of Corporate Culture from Investopedia

The beliefs and behaviours that determine how a company's employees and management interact and handle outside business transactions. Often, corporate culture is implied, not expressly defined, and develops organically over time from the cumulative traits of the people the company hires. A company's culture will be reflected in its dress code, business hours, office setup, employee benefits, turnover, hiring decisions, treatment of clients, client satisfaction and every other aspect of operations.

when less is still more

Have you read this blog?
http://myyearwithoutclothesshopping.com/

This is truly a woman after my own heart - not because I too have stopped shopping for clothes (in fact far from it) but I like her philosophy about STUFF.

The problem for me I think, is more that I am addicted to the decluttering exercise.  In fact I have moved to the computer NOW because I can feel a 'chuck out session'' coming on, and there really isn't much left for me to get rid of around here!  Yesterday I worked through the kids wardrobes and pulled out all the too small clothes. I did my own wardrobe the day before.  I'm currently working on the pantry and the bathroom again, using up all the things that end up relegated to bottom shelves.

I'm planning to move house soon (anyone want to buy mine), and so figure the less stuff I have to move the better.  And yet despite selling/dumping/giving away more things than I care to imagine in the past few weeks (but hazard a guess it's about 3 trailer loads worth) I still feel like I have too much.  It's all those things that are put away for rainy days, or are in ''storage'' and only used a couple of times a year. Those things get me down.  I wonder why I keep them.  After all, how many table cloths/plastic bags/ garden implements/ kitchen appliances/pairs of gumboots/sleeping bags/blankets/pillow cases/candles/chilly bins/extra photo frames does one person actually need?  Only one or two I would have thought...and still these are the very things I find I just can't get rid of.

If you visited my house, you'd probably wonder what I was on about. It's a pretty spacious, uncluttered kind of place.   But it has storage.  Lots and lots of storage.  And I make the most of it.

I wonder how people who have LOTS of stuff get by.  Maybe they don't mind? Are you like that? Do you mind having a lot of stuff?  For me, it makes me stressed.  I'd rather give it away than try and sell it, rather recycle than repair.  

I'm no saint - I buy lots of clothes for examples, but do my best to replace rather than add to, my wardrobe. I use the library rather than buy books. I have very little in the way of camping gear, or exercise equipment, or any of those other things that only get used occasionally, but there's still enough to fill some shelves in the garage.

Right now that's where my energy is focused. I have enough garden stakes to plant out an orchard I am sure.  A few broken bits of technology. Some tired old crockery from the kitchen.  Some raggedy towels.  Tomorrow it all goes to the dump.  Can't wait.

In praise of volunteerism

I have heard it said that if it wasn't for the volunteers who willingly and generously give up so much of their own time and resources, this country would grind to a halt.

I can well believe it.  Just here in, in a village of barely a thousand people, I'd hazard that aside from one or two organisations that have (a couple of) paid staff, most of the hard work is completed by people passionate about their sport, interest or that of their child's.  School PTA, the  coaches and referees at the Rugby Club, Playcentre, Soccer, preschool activities, tourism, community events, the group who work on restoration of the Mountain, the ones who look after the Historic Centre, Guide and Scout leaders, Golf Club trustees, Kapa Haka leaders, Plunket leaders, parent helpers for camps, St John ambulance staff, fire fighters....the list goes on. And on. And on.

How lucky we are to have these people! And how especially fortunate I feel to have directly benefited from the hard work of so many of them.  And, to be fair, to have been - and continue to be - one of the people who gladly 'mucks in'' when I can.  Despite my occasional inward groans of ''another working bee/donation box/half an hour on a stall'' I am usually pretty happy to do my bit towards helping out - after all, these are the things that make the culture of the village what it is.

There are annual awards of course, that acknowledge and honour many of the volunteers in our communities, but by far and away, the majority simply get on with their work, largely unnoticed (until they resign from their posts!), but absolutely necessary to the smooth running of their organisation and the good work they all do in our towns.  Its not everyones cup of tea, to give up a weekend or evening for the ''love of the job'', I acknowledge that.  But there are many many unsung heroes in our communities, that do give up their spare time - and  allow us to get on with enjoying that cup of tea.

And as well as personal satisfaction, the reality is that ''volunteering'' is a great addition to a CV.  As an employer, I value the work done by a potential employee in their own time.  As well as learning all kinds of valuable and transferable skills, there is the added, unwritten,  dimension that tells me that this person cares about their community.

 As we head into our seventh year of publication, The Village Voice (my baby...)remains completely reliant on the goodwill of the team of people who contribute, compile and deliver each issue, and for this I am especially grateful.

So next time you are asked to give some time, or money, to one of these groups, do so with a generous heart. And if you are the beneficiary of such kindness, take a minute to thank the person giving up their own time to make your life a little better.

Are you ready

This has been doing the rounds on Facebook for a while now and every time I read it I find myself torn between wanting to nod my head vigorously and say "Yes! so true! get on with things and don't wait to feel ready!" (that would be the impulsive part of me) and ''good grief that is ridiculous, of course one should wait until one is totally sure about making a decision, especially one that warrants consideration of readiness!''

There is no doubt, that the cliches about there never being a right time to have a baby, or buy a house, or change career, or get married.... or any of those other life rocking events, are probably true. That if you wait until you are ''ready'' it just might be too late.  (Says who? What is late? A whole other topic....) On the other hand, it's also entirely feasible to rush in to those same events without weighing up consequences and find that ready was a long way off.

So as I thought about this today, as I plodded through the minutiae of life and  in the here and now - I reached this conclusion:

Its not that far from the idea of coin tossing that I have blogged about before.  Its putting that tiny bit of pressure on oneself to make a decision. Or not.  

Yes it is true that there is probably no such time as being truly ready.  Not often anyway.  But there IS such time as wanting to be ready.  Or not wanting to be.  And for me, that is the key.  So for example, you may not be totally ready, or sorted, or organised, or mentally clued in, to say...changing career.  

The timing might be a bit off.  But I reckon there's a really good chance that its simply something you either want to do (and feel you might one day actually be ready for) or it isn't.  That might mean waiting til you're 'readier'. Or it might mean getting on with the thing you really want, even if current circumstances don't seem to allow it.  And perhaps that is enough.

what did you just say?

This morning there was an amusing conversation on the radio about the top five worst pieces of advice you can offer: listen here or in summary:

1. You just need to watch what you eat
2. You just need to figure out what you want to do with your life
3. You just need to have a positive attitude/cheer up
4. You just need to believe in yourself
5. You just need to be yourself

Isn't that the truth...what a load of rubbish - five platitudes that mean absolutely nothing and offer nothing of value to anyone.  Now I am all in favour of the ''if its not nice don't say it'' line of thinking.  However, I am (usually) brave enough to offer an opinion if I'm asked for it.

But how do you know when the right time to be honest is?  Someone recently said that they often hear ''whatever makes you happy'' from a particular friend.  My view is that this is probably not what that friend means at all.  In fact, I'd go so far to say that there's a pretty good chance that either a. the friend actually doesn't have an opinion/doesn't care, or b. the friend has a very strong opinion but it doesn't take the popular view( or she's scared of how it will be received).  On the other hand, I know someone who is famous for their phenomenally bad advice - usually on practical matters but never based on fact or reality.

A few months ago, over at the other blog,  I wrote about my ''intervention'' when I was asked for an opinion (read it here).  I was gentle about it (of course I was) but I still gave an opinion. Not ''do what feels right'' or any of that rubbish.  No platitudes allowed.

So what's a girl to do? Does one take the ''everyone is entitled to my opinion'' line?  Does one put up and shut up?  When asked for an opinion, do you trust that the person asking actually wants to hear what you have to say? And are you brave enough to be honest?

Have you caught yourself offering a bland, vanilla kind of piece of advice when you know you could do so much better?

dreams for the year ahead

So, a month into the New Year and already some of my ''must do in 2014'' list has been ticked off.   It's a wide and varied to do list - experiences, jobs for completion, places to visit.

The children have had a wonderful summer packed with holidays with family and friends, and I too have had a great break - escaping home several times with my lovely to far flung spots of NZ but also just hanging out at each others houses with wine and music. We have had the real luxury of lots of child-free time which I become more and more certain every relationship needs. There's been lots of down time for all of us - and the first for me in many years, and both deserved (obviously:)) and needed.  Cooking simply, shopping for food little and often, starting the days slowly and the ending them in the same vein truly makes for a reviving break.

I've also, as always, had another frenzy of sorting and have managed to donate a full car load of things to a day care centre, rehome two outgrown bikes to next size down kids,  sell a heap of things on TradeMe (who knew I even had anything left to sell...) and do another wardrobe cull resulting in a box of lovely things doing the rounds of my friends as we speak.

I've spent way too much money this summer - mostly on holidays and gifts, and of course the new car - but am hopeful that a change to employment (another thing on the to-do list) might help with that. In the meantime, an upcoming payrise with help with the post-Christmas pain.  I want for very little (as long as I keep away from the glossy brochures....) and think that as I get older I become more content with simple pleasures and less longing of 'things'.

That said, there's still some BHAGs on my list for this year - some dependent on the employment situation, and so I plan to keep them under wraps until the way is clearer.  But ultimately I hope for more of the same - fun experiences, meaningful time with family and friends, stable employment, good health and maybe a little more wealth.

It would be easy to offer a wish for the same for all who might be reading this - and of course I really do so with heartfelt sincerity - but it's also so easy to be trite about ''good wishes''.

What do you REALLY want this year? Have you made plans? Dreamed dreams? Are you brave enough to share?

the holiday evolution

When I was a very young girl (pre teen) I did a lot of tramping with my family.  Just day trips, but always fairly strenuous, and yet completed with the bare minimums of sneakers, home made nylon day packs (oh how I hated mine which would dig into my shoulders and get hot and sweaty), and a picnic lunch that invariably included warm Raro, a scotch egg and a lettuce sandwich.

Throughout my teens my family camped in Camping grounds, the same ones year on year, always handy to the kitchen and ablution blocks, and I would sleep in a set of camp bunk beds (eek) in the awning of our camper, or a sheeted off area of the tent - until I got my own at age 18, a ''southern cross tours'' centre pole affair that leaked, couldn't be touched in the wet and had no floor.  ah luxury that was!  The same day walking  trips would apply, only this time I would usually insist on wearing shorts and jandals and come back blistered and sunburnt.

I set off on my OE and camped/backpacked around Europe a couple of times.  It was brilliant!  Me and my pack and a sleeping bag, and not a whole lot more. But on my return to NZ decided that I was done with roughing it and my future holidays would be by car, staying in a minimum 3 star accommodation, and using a wheeled suitcase.

And so for the past few years that's what's been happening.  Tramping (and that's a broad exaggeration of the actual activity) was restricted to one day, usually child-friendly, ventures.

And then this summer everything changed.  I had the pleasure of four days on the Coro, in DOC camps with the barest of essentials and the most amazing of views. And then just last week, 4 days and 48 km of tramping around one of New Zealands most beautiful places.

Sure, it's easy to make light of the bare-essentials style camping trip - there were a few things (like a warm shower) that might have made this better...but mid summer, with a river nearby it didn't matter in the least.  And yes, a tramping trip such as this was made all the better by having fantastic companions, great weather, and no kids.

But, despite the aches and pains, and the previously un-experienced simplicity of both of these places, I have to say I'm a convert.  It was a reminder of a simpler life unencumbered by technology and noise.  It was good to see and appreciate parts of the country I had never visited before.  It was wonderful to share these experiences with someone I care about deeply. And it was FUN. It really was.

And those things, surely, are the stuff that all good holidays should be made from, don't you think?

All I want for Christmas

As I tidied up the kids debris post a ''can i sleep in her room'' sleepover a couple of nights ago, I came across letters to santa that they must have written whilst hidden under the blankets.

''Dear Santa, I really don't want much for christmas this year because I already have so much'' was how one started.  the other was written in a smilar vein, and wished santa health and happiness. it made me feel pretty good, I have to say!

Here's my own christmas list....

From the summer edition of the village voice

(with a couple of changes....)

Editorial

All I want for Christmas

This week both children have come home from school with 'letters to Santa' , written in their best handwriting, and detailing the gifts they hope to receive. Let me say here that i am quietly confident that Santa will be rather impressed with my children's suggestions in terms of the SIZE of their gifts, but possibly less excited about the value!  

I have been feeling pretty unChristmassy until now - maybe it's the last minute mad rush of winding up in the office, the continuous stream of end of year parties and the (yes I know I'm complaining!) already oppressive heat - or maybe it is just not time yet for me to get my tinsel on.  The tree is up, the lights are hung, and most of the presents are bought, but I haven't even yet decided what we will do on Christmas Day (that's another story for another time).

I do however have my own Christmas list.  I'm not too fussed about gifts - I'm more of a ''quality time'' and ''words of endearment'' kind of person myself.  So, what I want for Christmas....

...is for the children to get through til New Year without being stuffed full of sugar and artificial colourings (given to them by others, not me)

...is a good nights sleep

...is to be able to get a pile of cherries from the tree on Christmas morning

...is to get through the next ten days of madness and stay sane (or pretend to be...)

...is to avoid hearing Snoopy's Christmas, which I'm sure contributes to the spike in crime, alcohol consumption and bad tempers the world over because it's just so darned annoying

...is to resist the shops for just a few more days and be satisfied with the shopping I've done

... is the company of wonderful friends and family, some good food, an engaging book, and maybe a nice glass of champagne

...is a few fine days, maybe a couple of hot ones, and not too many rainy ones

...is lots of kisses and cuddles from the people who matter most

To everyone in my favourite part of New Zealand, best wishes for a smooth and happy start to 2014, and may the true spirit of Christmas be with you.

When commitment isn't enough

I have recently returned from the national conference of the organisation I work for.

We have 38 ''branches'' around the country, each with it's own CEO (or similar), it's own membership, and executive board, but also a national body, and a loose geographical hub system.  There are national sponsorship agreements that we can all take part in, and more localised programmes unique to each town/district.

One of the biggest challenges we face, particularly in a crowded marketplace, is finding a strong ''voice'' both at local and national level, that is reflective of each community, but is also unified in terms of advocacy for the NZ wide business community.  Much discussion was entered into about this, and we almost unanimously agreed that as CEO's (that's me) we need to work hard to share the ''stories'' of our National identity, as well as use this collective approach to be a more effective voice to Government, and other stakeholders.

As the conversation wore on, it occurred to me that we have some disconnect between commitment and engagement of not only our members, but also, in some cases, the boards, and even employees of these organisations.

What do I mean by this?  Well, there are literally thousands of businesses who pay a fee to belong to us.  And happily do so, year on year.  So they have some commitment.  But around 80% almost never come along to a networking evening, a training workshop, or even take advantage of the buying privileges that their membership gives them.  Many do not take part in surveys, awards, or offer feedback on local/central government issues - hence we can surmise that their engagement is minimal.

The question is, therefore: how do we move someone from commitment to engagement? Do we even need to? If they are paying the bill does it even matter?

I would argue that we can only represent our members properly if they are engaged.  We could, I suppose, assume that if they are paying a subscription each year they are reputedly happy with us - but there are many reasons for membership - some see it as altruistic, for some its tradition, for others simply a habit.  What we need, in order to be a truly effective organisation, is to have strong engagement - good conversations, for lack of a better description - with the people we claim to represent.

It means getting ''out there'' and talking to them.  Survey monkey, Facebook, e-letters simply won't cut the mustard. We need to be engaging with THEM in order to encourage them to engage with us.

Face to face conversations, personal invitations, tailored networking solutions - these things might be the start.  and it also means listening very carefully to the ones who ARE already engaging to ensure that we not only represent them well, but communicate their opinions and views to those less inclined to contribute.

We also, I think, both at local and national level need to consider which ''causes'' we can really have some impact on (where can we have the most influence), and which parts of business do we need to leave for other organisations to deal with.  How can we really help our members to be even better at what they do? One size might not fit all - and of course a big city branch can offer a whole lot more than a small town one like mine - but consistently of brand is key.  The common descriptor of ''telling the story'' really does apply to us.

I'm always glad when one of my members happily pays their subscription fee. But I'm happier still when they take part in our calendar of events, offer opinions, seek help, and use their membership privileges to the max.  That's what being engaged will do. It really is a two way conversation - and to not do this is to risk our organisation and many others like it - we are our members and our very existence depends on them.

what is happy?

I've been reading through some of my old posts this week and the same theme keeps popping out at me - the very same idea that was in fact one of the original premises for this blog - reflections on what is really important in life (wow lofty goal!).

In November 2011 I wrote a post about blessings (http://mighty-acorns.blogspot.co.nz/2011/08/count-your-blessings.html) and in December 2012 I wrote one about goals and dreams and the way we share them with other people - and I dared to share a list of some of the things I want to achieve in the next couple of years.

Yesterday, in a conversation with a friend, I jokingly remarked that life seemed chaotic - and for the last month it has...it has felt like everything I have touched has broken - my spa pool, my house alarm system, my car, my health (bent rather than broken), you name it, I've had a bill for it.

The friend responded ''a simple and fun life, that's what I want''.  And I agreed. After all that's what we all aspire to isn't it?  Although fun and simple may not necessarily go together all the time - depending on your taste for excitement - I think overall, most people want to be able to see a relatively well mapped out future with not too many distractions or nasty surprises, and as little drama in their lives as possible. And I think the majority of people want to find that (somewhat elusive) balance between doing things that make a difference to the lives of others (because I think that's part of human nature), and spending time doing things that make us happy as individuals.

It was timely, that conversation, having read those other posts earlier in the week. I'd like to think that actually, my life is pretty untroublesome - and yep pretty fun.  Maybe not in a ''fly to Paris at a moments notice'' kind of way (although if I had a date to work to....) but certainly for me in terms of thinking about life in general, it's probably, by most peoples standards, fairly straightforward.  I work, enough to pay the bills and have a little extra, I have great friends that I do simple, fun things with, I have some cool hobbies (thank God the baby sitting issue is finally sorted) and my family, by most peoples standards, is reasonably normal;).  In fact, most of the dramas that butt up against my life, are those of other peoples. (note to self: its not personal;)).  In the past couple of years in particular I have been the envy of many of my friends, experiencing things that they can only wish for.

Absolutely there are things I would like to change, things I'd like to do more of (or less of...or differently....) but on a day to day basis, things are pretty uncomplicated. I'm certainly not afraid of complication, nor of challenges or obstacles. and that's largely due to one of my core beliefs:  that whilst goals are important - make that vital - for moving forward in life, the most necessary thing of all, is to find a way to be happy in the now. Counting blessings. Delighting in what is real and good. Treasuring people over possessions. Simple pleasures of food, sunshine, conversation, music, friendship. Loving and being loved. Taking risks with caution. Dreaming big dreams and daring to share them. Sometimes it even mean shaking off the stupid rules that ''society'' places on us and following our hearts.  Believing that even though that crap stuff happens, dramas play out, and plans go awry, that its just part of life, and by hanging on to those core beliefs, everything will work out in the end. (Sometimes, being idealistic rather than realistic can make all the difference!)

What is happy? My definition: all of the above.

stop look and listen

Yesterday should have been a fantastic day.  And it was, right up until the last hour.

My daughter had a school production and all the family came to watch - I had to work late so put grandparents in charge of dinner and taxi-ing.

On return to the house, it was raining, it was late, we were all tired and a bit hungry.  Grandparents decided to head home. Children had decided they were staying. Everyone was talking, then everyone was shouting and then everyone was crying.  The kids were perplexed, upset, remorseful. All the things you don't need at 8 pm on a week night. Grandparents left, distressed. No doubt horrified at what had happened. I sat on the couch and cried at my own inability to manage my own reactions.  It was horrible horrible horrible. Sometimes I really do turn into the worst version of myself:(. I know anger, frustration, all those emotions are valid ...but they still don't feel good.

Of course, in retrospect, I knew that it wouldn't have mattered if the kids had an extra 10 minutes to unwind. It wouldn't have mattered if the grandparents had stayed or gone.  It was me, wanting to tidy up the day as quickly as possible, that contributed to, and probably exacerbated the maelstrom.

It settled, eventually. Today is a new day. Thank God for the quick forgiveness of offspring.

The lesson learned - I should have just stepped away from the edge.

needs must - the curse of closing the sale

Back when I was working in sales training, I used to talk a lot about needs and wants.  Supposedly there's a world of difference - what a customer wants is not necessarily what they need.  The difference was defined as being about emotional satisfaction, and it is the job of the salesperson to ''meet the need'' rather than the want. For example, you want to feel secure, therefore you need insurance. You want to feel important? You need a later model car.  You want to feel successful - you should find a challenging and satisfying job. We live in a world where we think a product can solve every problem. A neat and tidy solution, that's what the salesperson wants.

I now don't think it's that complicated - in fact I think that its more likely that needs and wants are, in their simplest form, the same. Sure the ''product'' that is offered might vary - the solution can be packaged differently but ultimately isn't it the same thing? I want this thing, need this thing - at the moment of the first decision it's all the same. I want to feel important therefore I need to feel important. I want a satisfying job therefore I need a satisfying job.

I spoke to a friend yesterday who works incredibly hard. I said, if there was one thing you could have that you don't, what would it be, and she said ''time''.  So using, that example, she wants time, she needs time.  Sure you can dress it up with she wants time because she needs to relax/have a holiday/bake a cake, but its all the same to me.

A child wants the attention of an adult - its that simple.  Mummy I need you or Mummy I want you - all the same. Its base human emotion, not some complicated formula that separates out problems and solutions.

So often, particularly when relating to human relationships, we hear ''what I need is''. And the standard response is: just because that's what you think you want, doesn't mean that's what you need''.  I say rubbish. If someone wants a particular outcome, then for them, at that time, it's what they need.  Unpack it for sure, see what motivates you - does the child want attention/reassurance/love, does the customer want to feel important/valued/acknowledged - it's all the same to me.

I want coffee, therefore I need coffee.  So what? Surely we don't need to go much deeper than that- generally at our first gut reaction to something we are not thinking about consequence - even if logic or reason comes later, it's not there at the beginning. (eg just because I want coffee at 11 pm doesn't mean its a good idea, but at the time, coffee is what was wanted AND needed).

I think we do ourselves a huge injustice if we attempt to solve the problem of someone Else's needs and wants without considering the two concepts together. The salesperson is simply that - selling a solution they believe will fix the need, rather than the want, of the client.  Listening to what your customer is saying is of course important - and vital if you are to help with the RIGHT solution of course, however if the customer tells you they want a 40 inch TV, then no amount of convincing them that what they need is a 30 inch one - or a projector - is going to make the slightest difference.  And rightly or wrongly, in the moment, which is how most of us live, it's the 40 incher that has our attention.  Absolutely there's an almost 100% chance they will go home and realise the salesperson was right all along - but that is their discovery to make, not the role of the salesperson to help them avoid the ''mistake'' in the first place, surely.

Of course what you want might right now not be good for you or the right decision.  In fact it probably isn't, in the long term. That's the things with wants and needs. Because they are so close together its almost impossible to separate them until after the event. To stick with the TV idea, it could create a whole other chain of events - can you afford it, can you fit it in your house, will it replace something else valuable. But in our ''want it now need it now'' society, we almost always go with want over need anyway.

And another offshoot outcome from this concept is this: by allowing ourselves to rely on someone else to provide us with a solution, we can then easily extract ourselves from the consequences. He made me buy that TV, even though in the end it wasn't quite what I wanted. My career counsellor encouraged me into that job, even though I wasn't quite sure.  So the upside - or downside, depending on your perspective - is that by going with your own definition of what you need and want, you have to also be prepared to take on board the consequences of your own actions.

So if I say, what I want right now is a double espresso, then maybe that's what I need too.  And I'm not sure that its the baristas job to dissuade me from buying it in the first place.  If I'm awake until Thursday, then it is up to me to deal with that, and ensure next time I buy decaf. Or not.

Your thoughts?

busy busy busy

Its the standard response these days right?
How are you? Oh, you know, busy as always.
Hey, haven't seen you for ages. Yeah I know...been really busy.
What are you doing this weekend - want to catch up? Erm...not sure, I'm pretty busy. Can I let you know?

Somehow we see using the 'busy' excuse as kinder.  More polite than saying ''actually right now life is pretty rough for me''.  Or ''I've been lying low, not feeling that sociable''Or, ''sorry, you are not actually a priority for me right now''.

Of course its nicer - and the thing with the 'busy'' excuse is that not only does it engender some sympathy, but it's pretty hard to argue with.  To say that you are disappointed with not hearing from someone when they have just told you how busy they are would seem churlish in the extreme. Probably a bit needy even.  Far better to nod slowly and empathise with how BUSY life is these days, and how DIFFICULT it can be to make the time to do the things you really want to.

Going by the amount of traffic that crawls over Facebook, Pinterest and the like, I'm guessing that most of us aren't anywhere near as busy as we like to make out.  Sure, even taking half an hour out of the day to blog says I'M not that busy, doesn't it?  But busy sounds important, urgent, focused - rather than the sometimes more truthful version - bored, needing distraction, unmotivated.

Sometimes we really are busy. That's modern life. Families, meetings, work commitments, ridiculous amounts of time commuting to work or ferrying kids here and there.  Boring stuff like lawn mowing and cleaning. Good stuff like sport and social events.  Challenging jobs.  Community commitments. None are bad things.

But yep,I'll admit it. I've used the busy reason plenty myself.  Busy sounds a whole lot better than any other excuse I might be able to come up with - and its a lot less painless for the excuse-recipient than the truth could well be. Seems like its just another way we are able to mask what is really going on in our lives though doesn't it?

How often have you said that in the past week? Month?

Were you actually busy?

A job well done

You know that life is busy when there's no time to blog.

It's been a month since my last confession and I swear I don't know where that time has gone - actually that's not quite true. I know exactly where it's gone - a haze of budgets, scripts, certificates, dress choosing, invitation writing and all the other things that go with putting on a BIG event.

Deciding we could maintain better control, and, thus, a better outcome, my colleague and I took on the job of running our regions Business Excellence Awards on our own.  No committees, no volunteers. Just us - managing every aspect (albeit by employing some fabulous subcontractors for the actual award night).  We had a budget, a strict one, a time line, also strict, but a fairly broad brief - make this the best awards ever and the sponsors, and entrants,  will love us for ever.

Although much of the focus goes on the glittering awards night - a black tie dinner and ceremony for 300, there was A LOT of prework.  Categories to be finalised and in some cases completely recreated,  criteria to be decided, a process map to write and then adhere too, marketing, sponsor relationships, the financial aspects, theming the process, recruiting entrants, launches and training workshops, communication with every interested party.  And then the work on the actual night - band, lighting, special effects,  sound, caterer, menu,  venue,  MC, theming, the balance between  keeping everything secret and having to arrange speeches, certificates, trophies flowers and power points - and of course the set up, pack up.  Let me tell you, it takes a LONG TIME to put Lycra covers on 300 chairs!!!   At times it felt overwhelming.  At times I wanted to hide under my laptop.  

I had my hair done, a trip to the beauty therapist, a fantastic new dress (didn't manage to lose the 5kg I wanted to but ho hum).  My young man had a fab tuxedo and all that goes with it.

The awards night itself would appear to be the end of the process, but in fact for me it isn't.  Although one of the areas of responsibility this year was managing the event, in some ways it's now that the really hard work starts - paying bills, balancing the books, getting feedback (from both ends of the spectrum) from entrants, sponsors and guests.  Reviewing every decision in order to continue improving next year.

But the show goes on, and right now I'm in the afterglow of a fabulous awards night, where 300 people were wined and dined and got to wear their finest outfits.  There was an air of celebration that only small town NZ can appreciate, and yet it was still slick and professional enough to please even our toughest big city critics.  There have been lots of positive phone calls and emails in the last couple of days, far outweighing the odd negative comment received - and a great reinforcement for we two CEOs of a job well done.

Onwards to next year.

STRANGER DANGER - the unfortunate series of events

There has been a lot of stress around the village over the past few weeks. Unfortunately there are lots of versions of the truth.  this is mine:

3 Fridays ago my child and two friends (aged between 10 and 12) were dispatched to the next street (about 200 metres away) to collect my other child (7) from a play date. It was 5 pm and still light.  They returned within about 30 minutes and reported being followed by a man who kept going down driveways each time they turned around.  One of the girls vaguely recognised him and even said hello at one point but stopped this when the others said they didn't know him.  they stayed in a group, came straight home and told me what happened, where he had been and so on, in quite good detail.  They each gave an independent description of the man, all matched.  They described him well and included the idea that he looked ''like he should be an adult but kind of looked like a kid''.  At the time I remained calm, thinking it was probably some poor old soul walking his dog who was freaked out by kids thinking they were being followed. I let the parents of the other two know, and these two had also mentioned it, without stress, to their mothers.

After consideration (it was a long weekend) I rang the school on the Tuesday morning and spoke to the Principal - just in case someone else had also reported this, and she urged me to phone the Police, which I did.  I had a long conversation with the Constable during which time he told me that he recognised the description, that they were aware of this person, that he was considered a nuisance but not dangerous, he indicated the area the man lived in, and told me to be ''aware''. It was a conversation by phone and i did not make a written complaint however it was lengthy and detailed.  I suggested we hold a Neighbourhood support meeting which he strongly agreed was a good idea, and that this issue could be discussed on the night.

Meeting was duly called and although in the ensuing few days the story got rather contorted, the facts remained largely the same, and as a result more than 50 people came to the meeting.

To my absolute astonishment, the same constable , whilst addressing the fact that there had been an ''alleged'' following, announced that there was no description offered, no times, no details and Police were confident that there was no one in the village who was of concern.  (weird incident one)  People were confused but relatively satisfied that everything was hunky dory.  At the end of the meeting I told the group it had been my child followed and that I had spoken at length to the Constable and hence the calling of the meeting. I also asked for him to give a definitive guide to what people should be doing if there was any other incident.  Of course, he urged people to contact Police.

the next day (Saturday) a parent posted a description on Facebook.  It didn't match the description of the person followed by my kids which now meant, we believed, we had TWO people in the village.  I posted the description on our community Facebook page but took it down at the request of the person who had it - we needed to make sure the school knew everything and we didn't want to cause undue stress.  In the meantime 5000 people had read the post and the page was busy with people talking about this.

there was a very broad overview of the two incidents including the fact that accordingly to police the descriptions didn't match (what? how could this be? the police told the community they didn't HAVE a description - weird incident four) but included this:

 • Children walking or biking to and from school should stay together and use the roads that MOST people use

• If approached, politely say NO, turn and walk fast to the nearest shop, house, or home if it is close by and tell them, what has happened. If with friends, always stay together.

• Always tell your parents or an adult if you are approached by a stranger and they will ring 111 

• Adults if you see children in the village being spoken to by an adult, ask if the child is OK and check that they know the adult, if you have cause for concern. Be a busy body, that’s what neighbourhood watch is about.

Well blow me down if not the very next day we DID have an incident in the village where (we are told) a man attempted to coax a boy into a car outside the school.  Again, speculation was rife and people panicked.  The next night a group of parents met at my house and we talked about what we could do - it was another long weekend so in light of this, how could we keep our children safe until school time again. Overall there was a frustration at the small amount of information we had - we still don't know why this was but can assume it was because both school and police needed to have exact facts before sending anything home.  (weird incident two)  We agreed we needed to wait for the school to produce some facts, but that in the meantime we needed to remain extra vigilant.  There were some ideas on what the vehicle was like although this was unsubstantiated.  There were also a couple of other people who told of stories of their child being followed by what appeared to be the same described vehicle. These people were also encouraged to talk to the police.

Monday just gone I had a conversation with the school Principal.  She was extremely concerned that I had added fuel to the fire of this and needed to assure me the police was involved.  It was a heated discussion.  I could certainly understand her concerns and she was getting it both barrels however my intention in publishing what I knew was to STOP speculation not grow it.  She was unaware that I had provided a description of the first man to police or of what the Police had said at the Support meeting (weird incident three).  That same day the police came to school (it turns out that they had been patrolling since the previous Friday although we didn't know this then) and talked to the children in general terms about stranger danger.  The same information was put in a notice to go home to parents (my child didn't think this was important and so I only got the notice yesterday - shows what kids take in!)

Yesterday I spoke with the person who had provided the description of the man in the car.  This description was given to her BY THE POLICE.  They say it wasn't to be shared and the local guy didn't know it had been (weird incident five).

There are a number of other anomalies in this story.  A school in another nearby town has had similar incidents. I found out about this through a friend but other schools have not been told.  A friend in the Police who lives locally also was not told about it.  The information shared by me on the Facebook page reached 5000 people - that tells me 5000 people got the exact same story - so how come all the Chinese whispers?  Why is it not okay to scare kids but its OK to play down something like this?

Overall it has left me with a very bad taste, and I am extremely uncomfortable about letting my children walk around town. 

Please note - this is MY version of events.  Your comments are welcome.

We could get a grant for that

I am involved with a number of not for profit organisations, that like most of them in this country, are heavily reliant on the good will of hardworking committee members to get their work done.

Money is always tight, and it rare to get through a meeting without someone suggesting we ''get a grant'' to help cover the costs of a particular project.
what a wonderful idea - fancy that there would be so many philanthropic organisations or there prepared to give money for the good of the community!

Yes, it true, that there are a few of these amazing groups, mainly attached to large corporates, who generously give money for the betterment of our small towns and communities.  But don't be under any illusions.  By far and way, the most generous of these, and the most common, are those that ''redistribute'' money from gaming machines.

Just this week I spoke to a trustee of a gaming machine proceeds Trust who mentioned that in the town he looks after (population 15000) the take each week of LOSSES in machines is $60,000.  Multiply that across the whole of NZ and it is a mind boggling amount of money that is disappearing out of circulation into those horrible shiny machines, and being ''given back'' by way of grants and donations.

So that's good right? At least the money is being returned to the community and not held in the pockets and profits of the businesses who house these thieving things?  The trusts are run by responsible people who ensure that the money goes to worthy projects that benefit their local communities right?  If it wasn't for these machines we wouldn't have restored buildings, lovely parks for our kids to play in, secretaries of NFPs being paid, community centres, and reading/cooking/life skill programmes for the disadvantaged right?

Well, may be not, but but we'd also have, in my community alone, an extra
sixty thousand dollars a week in our economy.  And I would argue that those people feeding slot machines, and losing, are funding projects that are by and large nice to haves not need to haves.  Especially when compared to the social cost gaming machines are having in the first instance.  Add to that the irony that those who are losing the most are getting a portion back by way of a cooking lesson or food parcel, and it seems to be an immoral industry all round.

Think carefully next time you suggest to your committee that you ''get a grant''.  Think about who is actually funding your project.

Then decide which focus of social betterment is more palatable.

in praise of public transport - an alternative to the housing crisis

I've been doing quite a bit of reading about the Auckland housing crisis this week.  The blogs and opinion pieces from those on both sides of the story have made for interesting reading, and yet despite all I have trawled through, I am yet to find anything that concretely tells me what ''affordable'' actually means.

Seems the government (both local and central) have their minds and hearts set on opening up new development - supposedly cheaper housing, and close enough (they say) to minimise urban sprawl.  

Call me naive, but it seems patently obvious to me that this is a completely flawed approach.  The reality is that it will be very difficult to create desirable places to live in outside of the already favoured areas.  Also it surely must be obvious to the planners that these satellite suburbs are not going to be desirable to a very wide group if they are still going to involve lengthy work commutes and gridlock traffic.  There's a good risk that cheap housing will always be cheap housing and (as was evidenced in Hamilton 20 years ago) very quickly become the Kiwi version of slums.

Add to that the notion of affordability. We still don't know what that is but I guarantee it won't mean a decent quality house for under $350k - which means that probably 90% of the people who are wanting this housing wont be able to afford it anyway.  These homeowners - assuming they can own these houses - or renters of same houses, will be on low wages, then commuting to jobs elsewhere - I doubt that entire suburbs of retail  and industry are going to be popping up around the housing any time soon, especially with the proliferation of business parks already in Auckland - and the birth of the super mall.

Apartment living is an option I suppose, but certainly not attractive to many with young children (the very people needing affordable housing).  Moving to less attractive suburbs - well that's a possibility but again, those with kids are going to be looking at schooling first, and accessibility to their own workplaces second. 

I simply cannot understand the reluctance to create better commuter towns as happens abroad.  Allowing  Auckland to be the hub, and the smaller towns to spoke, with high quality, high speed commuter transport seems to me to be a far better answer.  Keeping people in their own communities is better for society as a whole, keeps money in small places, allows families to live in areas they may not have previously considered viable, and makes us an attractive nation to settle in for people coming from like minded countries.  In many places in the world a one or two hour commute to work is not unusual, but this is done by efficient, comfortable train, not slow bus or gridlocked traffic routes.  

Imagine if you could jump on a train in Pukekohe and be in the city in less than 30 minutes.  Or get on in Hamilton and take under 90.  I believe this would be good for everyone - less pressure on the Auckland housing market, continuing demand for quality (and far more affordable housing) in corridor towns, less pressure on the other infrastructure costs of growing a city and allowing people the choice of living somewhere that allows lifestyle other than city living.  I'd even go so far as to say there might be less pressure to maintain a double income family (due to not having to spend a million bucks on a house in a decent area of the city).

My generation, and those that follows are technologically savvy, and open to change - I think they'll embrace public transport if it's made easy and ''affordable''.  Younger people already use trains and buses as viable, constant alternatives to cars.  Tourists continue to be astounded at the poor transport options to move them around NZ. 

How do we make this happen?!?!

Your thoughts?

I am what I am - the scourge of the service town