I want the truth (how I came to handle the truth) Pt 2

Following on from the post yesterday, which was shared on social media, I was asked if I could provide further background and pointers on how people can support those down the rabbit hole, and hopefully encourage them back out.

This is my response:

The change for me came through personal life experiences. As I started traveling and thus my world view grew, as I raised kids, as I saw shitty stuff happening in the world and could no longer justify it with blind faith, I became more open to other views (or at least, became more open about my inner views...).

I now find any dogmatic view very uncomfortable. In terms of pointers, I think those responses like 'that's interesting, I'll consider it' and so forth, give people with strong views a sense of validation, but you are also keeping boundaries around what you will and won't' take on. Moving from a strong view comes with grief as another poster mentioned. In the case of deconversion from Christianity, (there's more on this elsewhere on my blog - search 'Christianity') I have heard this described as more painful than a divorce (from people who went through both). Understanding that a belief system, be it a religion, a mindset, or subscribing to a particular conspiracy theory comes with its own culture, language, and community will help. 

The person who is embedded in these things is being challenged on every level and that is scary. If it's faith-based, then showing science won't make a difference - it's more likely to push the person further towards their belief, regardless of it's through fear or actual believing. As in any cult-like behaviour (and yes I am aware that there is a very wide spectrum, I'm just generalising for simplicity), a gentle, prolonged, and non-judgemental approach is the only way to move people from one belief to another. And they need to have a personal interest or impact to want change, such as (in the case of Covid say) getting sick and experiencing 'the other side'. 

Hope this helps. 

Further reading:

https://www.rnz.co.nz/summer-2020/unprecedented/we-were-there/when-a-relative-falls-down-a-rabbit-hole/

https://ericgeiger.com/2021/05/how-do-i-pull-my-friend-out-of-the-rabbit-hole-of-conspiracies/

http://voicesofdeconversion.com/

I want the truth! (You can't handle the truth)

 Many years ago...more than 35...I was deeply involved in an evangelical church.  I desperately wanted to be part of the community. I wanted to feel what I saw other people feeling on Sunday mornings. I wanted to be a living example of the things that were being preached.

This church, like many others, taught that there was a special prayer to be said, that would ensure entrance to heaven on death. It required, essentially a kind of personal sovereignty (is that expression sounding familiar!?!) that led to sacrifice and quite possibly persecution for holding on to certain beliefs. We were beseeched to go tell it on the mountain and pray without ceasing.  It was particularly important to ensure everyone we knew - especially family - heard this message, and had the opportunity to accept it for themselves (there's that personal sovereignty thing again).  After all, if they didn't, they would be in eternal torment and it would be MY FAULT if I hadn't told them the Truth.  We were reminded that we were a minority, but that this was normal...most people wouldn't listen, and part of being the bearer of this news would include feeling separate, perhaps even mocked or ridiculed. In fact, that was probably part of the deal.  But continue we must, led by faith (because well, you know, faith). 

I didn't even really know if I believed all I heard - there were certain things that I secretly didn't agree with - but boy oh boy, I was not going to take the risk.  And so, at the peak of my quest for devoutness, I was telling ...preaching....to everyone I could.  I was petrified of eternal damnation for my family, but also smug in the knowledge that at least I was right, and would be saved from doom.

There were things I didn't understand, but I turned to the voice of others with more charisma and those with spiritual knowledge. I closed my friend circle, choosing only to socialize with people of similar mindset (it was safer that way anyway, lest I be tainted by another view). I immersed myself in Christian literature, studiously avoiding anything that might challenge what I was hearing and reading.  The fact that the majority of what I read didn't stand up to scientific scrutiny, and was not accepted by the general population was irrelevant.   I had answers for those people anyway...because... faith. 

There was a bit of a problem as time went by. I discovered that there was an outside chance that whilst what I was following was A truth, it might not be THE truth.  There were just as many fallible people within the group as outside - charlatans and liars, the gullible and lonely, and many many genuinely kind people who truly believed what we were being taught.

What I'm seeing now, as the pandemic continues to rage, is a similar thing in the right-wing /anti-vax/pro-Freedom movements.  By and large, these are good people - they are standing up for what they believe in. They are desperate to ensure that their message gets to as many as possible.  They are looking for leaders, and signs and wonders, to support their beliefs.  For some, the lure of being a martyr for the cause is attractive. Social media has given many a platform that my teen days of street preaching could only have dreamt of.  

I see so many parallels.  It's given me a fresh insight and deeper sympathy for those who have ended up down the current rabbit holes that are overflowing with conspiracy theories and self-righteous anger. 

Noone wants to be told they're wrong. No one really wants to admit they might have got it wrong.  And generally no one wants to be told that the truth they have believed in for a very long time, might not be so true after all.  

One can only hope that for many, there will be, if not a revelation, a slow awakening.  There can be many truths.  Choose yours wisely. 

The Annual Family Poem 2021

This sure has been a heck of a year!
How can Christmas already be here!
Even so it's probably time

(Traditionally I'd be making this rhyme)

Read on for the highlights of our family's year
Omitting the Covid's, and my fast greying hair
Dancing got squeezed into weeks with no lockdowns
- including my sister's wedding

 (Hurrah! A magical day)

Did a trip on the first Te Huia train - lobbied 8 years, shed a few tears
Even got a few days away, in Wellington (one of my favourite towns)
Never so much time spent on Zoom and the phone!

Susan changed jobs to an English Language school -
a change from the orchestra which is pretty cool
Couldn't quite give up music though - wrote another children's show
Had to do it 'online' though - musicians a yes, but the audience no!

Reinstatement of The Village Messenger - so happy to start it up again
I do so love the power of my pen
Son Joseph won the year 11 Hospitality award, even cooks dinner for me
- if he's bored (hurrah for Hello Fresh!)

Time for change for Niamh too - moving out of home and a new career doing
Making cocktails and pouring pints for Good George Brewing
At home learning and working most enjoyed by the pets (woof woof!),
and we loved no early morning alarm going off

Susan joined Waikato Refugee Forum as Advisor to the Board
- a privilege to work with such extraordinary people
Please stay safe this summer - mask at the ready!
Our summer will be spent at the beach and Lake Taupo (just for me!)

Even if you're just passing through, do drop in and visit for coffee...or cake

Merry Christmas from us! Enjoy your break!