Pollyanna

I mentioned to a friend last week that I was feeling a whole lot let PollyAnna'ish that I usually am - she responded: 'you're allowed to you know'.  Yikes - am I!?!?! 

Never given myself actual permission for that before!

There are days and there are days - and then there are weeks, months even,  when you (erh-herm I mean ME when I say that obviously) that are so nutty that one (you, me, I) is not about putting ones  head up for air  but possibly just hoping that a few globs of oxygen are going to make it down as far as said head is buried.

That's how the past couple of months have been for me anyway - and it's probably my own fault. An inability to say NO when asked to do stuff, a tendency to operate by way of short bursts of productivity interspersed with long periods of pfaffing (a phrase stolen from someone else but SO good!), and a general sense that THE YEAR IS RUNNING OUT AND THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TO DO (what's with that anyway? - It's not like the world is gonna end on December24...) - these things are have resulted in me having massive to do lists, running from one place to the next, day in day out, cramming as much into my weekends as possible, going to bed too late, eating a lot of wraps and salad (not all bad but kinda sick of quick food), and imbibing fairly impressive quantities of coffee.  

I'm not really complaining as such - it's mostly all stuff I do want to do, including getting ready for a new job, finishing some overdue renovations on my house, starting some new projects at the office, the usual family and friend things - and doing kid stuff around my work schedule, but there's the odd day when I come up the drive after a 12 or 14 hour day and think - STOP THE WORLD I WANT TO GET OFF!!!!

The bummer is of course, that most of us, me included, don't get the privilege of opting out.  Pesky stakeholders like my Bank, my family, my community, my employers, put pay to that.  I am torn between admiring those that say 'and for that reason I'm out' and actually pack up and go, and thinking that they are copping out of being a grown up.  

Its the plague of the white middle class woman (and man) of a certain age - have a full and busy life, get a bit bored, get a LOT bored, try some new stuff, still feel bored, and decide that the only solutions is a 180 of life as we know it.  (yeah OK so I am a bit jealous of people who have the nerve to do that even if they don't have the means or the sense not to....).   

Its end of year - everyone is busy and stretched right?  My life is not non stop excitement - and I kind of miss the 'damn it let's do it' lifestyle I have experienced in the past - but it's still pretty full on. Good stuff - people stuff. Good for the soul if only I let it be stuff.   And no, quitting is not an option.  And the stress bunny that sits just inside my ribcage is just going to have to sit tight for a couple more weeks. 

In the meantime, I'm keeping this list handy - just in case I have the time and inclination to act on it's advice....(thanks eponis.tumblr.com, I might even take a selfie)

busy busy busy

Its the standard response these days right?
How are you? Oh, you know, busy as always.
Hey, haven't seen you for ages. Yeah I know...been really busy.
What are you doing this weekend - want to catch up? Erm...not sure, I'm pretty busy. Can I let you know?

Somehow we see using the 'busy' excuse as kinder.  More polite than saying ''actually right now life is pretty rough for me''.  Or ''I've been lying low, not feeling that sociable''Or, ''sorry, you are not actually a priority for me right now''.

Of course its nicer - and the thing with the 'busy'' excuse is that not only does it engender some sympathy, but it's pretty hard to argue with.  To say that you are disappointed with not hearing from someone when they have just told you how busy they are would seem churlish in the extreme. Probably a bit needy even.  Far better to nod slowly and empathise with how BUSY life is these days, and how DIFFICULT it can be to make the time to do the things you really want to.

Going by the amount of traffic that crawls over Facebook, Pinterest and the like, I'm guessing that most of us aren't anywhere near as busy as we like to make out.  Sure, even taking half an hour out of the day to blog says I'M not that busy, doesn't it?  But busy sounds important, urgent, focused - rather than the sometimes more truthful version - bored, needing distraction, unmotivated.

Sometimes we really are busy. That's modern life. Families, meetings, work commitments, ridiculous amounts of time commuting to work or ferrying kids here and there.  Boring stuff like lawn mowing and cleaning. Good stuff like sport and social events.  Challenging jobs.  Community commitments. None are bad things.

But yep,I'll admit it. I've used the busy reason plenty myself.  Busy sounds a whole lot better than any other excuse I might be able to come up with - and its a lot less painless for the excuse-recipient than the truth could well be. Seems like its just another way we are able to mask what is really going on in our lives though doesn't it?

How often have you said that in the past week? Month?

Were you actually busy?

I'm too busy

How many times have you said that this week?

It might have been when you were asked how your week was going - oh! so busy. Or when your were asked to take on a role at  the school/church/soccer - Look I''d love to but I'm just so busy.  


Do you enjoy being busy?  Do you work well when you have a dozen things on your plate?  What constitutes busy for you? Work - play - kids stuff - housework and gardening?


So here's a tough question for you:
Are you really that busy?  And if so, why is that?  I wonder when busy became this normal state of mind.

I'm pretty sure my own mother didn't complain (if that's the correct word) about being busy.  She just did what she had to do each day and that was that.  I don't doubt her life was busy, and in many ways more than mine, in that there was no automatic washing machine, dishwasher, slow cooker to chug away while she did other chores.  She didn't have a car so it took longer to get anywhere.  My brother and I had a lot of after school activities so there was plenty of running around, and the consequent committee meetings and parent help duties to fulfil. She sewed and knits and preserved.  Those things certainly kept her busy (idle hands and all that!) but I doubt she considered this stressful work.

That's the difference I think.  In our society we all too readily equate 'busy'' with ''stressed''.  And we also seem to use ''busy'' as a euphemism for ''I don't want to'', perhaps because it sounds more worthy?

Certainly I have a busy life.  The usual stuff.  But I also think I have plenty of down time.  And whilst I might ''keep myself busy'' ironing while I watch the television, or sorting photographs, or pottering in the garden, I don't consider these things as part of busy-ness, mainly because I would argue they are all by choice.  Kids stuff, yes, that can be busy.  But there's an easy out as far as I can see.  It's a little word called NO.  So when the children ask to do a sport, an instrument a hobbie and whatever else, I say no.  I don't think it will damage them not to start team sports until their older.  It won't hurt them not to be rushing off to some kind of self-betterment three days a week.  And it certainly won't kill them to have to play at home and not at a friends after school.

So my challenge to you, and to me, is this:  next time you are asked how you are, don't respond with ''busy''.  Next time you're asked a favour, and you don't want to do it, don't use the ''busy'' excuse.  And think about how you are actually spending your time.  Are you busy because you want to be?  And if not, what could you stop doing?

the window in my diary

I applied for another job yesterday.
It's just part time, like the others. It will probably pay pretty badly, like the others.  It will no doubt require a fair amount of juggling and creativity to get completed, much like the others.

But, it's also during term time. It's working with kids.  It's flexible hours.  It involves me getting out and about (rather than stuck in the office as oft I am).  And so I reckon there's a few small windows in my diary that could easily be filled with income earning, productive activity.

When I updated my C.V. I was almost surprised to read that I'm actually probably quite an attractive candidate (sheesh pity the boys out there couldn't see that aye!)...I have the skills and experience that's required -although not the formal qualifications - and already have good industry contacts and connections.

So, you may ask, why am I mad enough to take on yet more work, when it would appear that my days are already full to bursting?

Well, the fact is, that I can't afford not to.  And while it really is tempting to dump ALL of these part time bits and go find one, simple, wellpaying, full time job, I just can't see how I could get any quality of life from that.  I want to be home for the children after school each day. I don't want to be arriving home at 5.30 on a cold and dark winter's night and then having to start dinner.  I don't want to be spending 90 minutes a day travelling to and from work.  I don't want to have to go and upgrade my wardrobe for office friendly clothes (let alone the extra time it takes to get ready in the morning).

I certainly don't want, at least while the children are young, to have to work through every school holiday, find care for them when they're sick, and miss all their important milestones and events at school.

Yes, it's a juggle with the $$$, and the time - to make sure every bit gets done well - but the payoffs are enormous.

From the outside my life appears to be already pretty frantic with work and family and those other commitments that eat up all the tape on my answerphone message, but actually I could easily fit a few more hours of something in.

I guess another upside of being disgustingly organised at home is that I spend a minimal amount of time on a 'to do around the house' list.  I get to spend lots of times doing the things I love.  

Besides, what would I do if I wasn't busy?