emotional IQ

I belong to a women's discussion group.  It started as a bible study actually but over the past couple of years has evolved rather.  We've been meeting every week for three years and the width and breadth of conversation is vast.  There's some rules - what's said there stays there...no one is wrong...listen without judgement...be honest in opinion.

It works incredibly well and have given all of us a ''voice'' when often as full time parents/volunteers/partners/employees we do not feel our true selves are being heard or even acknowledged.

Yesterday we talked about decision making and how we spend our time.  There was much talk of how easy it is to get caught up with a cause and then discover that not only are we unable to change the issue, but that time that could have been spend well elsewhere has been gobbled up in stress and worry.

We also touched on the idea that as we get older (average age in the group is 40) we become so much better - we hope - at being able to make decisions based on a bigger picture.  The job that seemed the be-all-and-end-all at 30 is now simply a stepping stone to the future.  The study we always wanted to complete seems less, or more, important.  

We decided that the key was to identify the things that were of value. Sometimes the thing that is of value is doing nothing, or eating too much chocolate, or whiling a day away with a book.  And other times its being really focused on a task or project or cause.  What counts is giving each thing the credit it deserves.  Not feeling guilty about how much energy it takes, but also knowing when it is time to say ''enough!!"'.

Yes, it's about having the emotional intelligence to recognise what motivates us - or demotivates us.  Paralysis by analysis is rooted in fear not an inability to make decisions.  sometimes, we decided, you simply have to make a decision and go with it.  And then be brave enough to change course if it doesn't work out.  Or admit it wasn't a great decision and move on.  Or, wonder of wonders, enjoy the success of actually acting on your decisions.

Sure everything we do involves risk.  That's the trade off for stepping out and following hearts and dreams.

What decisions are you facing right now?  Are the big, important, small, still important?

Are you brave enough to feel the fear and do it anyway?

facing the future and feeling the fear

A question appeared in my Facebook newsfeed this weekend -
What do you find more scary: feeling as though you are stuck with no options OR facing a clean slate with limitless choices?
It was fascinating reading the responses but what really amazed me was that I was the only person who said that I thought facing the clean slate was the scariest.
Maybe I didn't explain my answer well enough?
To me, being stuck with no options is not scary - it might be sad, frustrating, suffocating even, but there is no fear in it.
A clean slate, now that is scary! The unknown, that yet unseen - that is where the fear lies. And that fear is not even necessarily a bad thing - as I said in my own response, it's good to scare yourself a little every day! It might be exhilarating, imagining that future filled with as possibilities but is also scary moving from what you know (even if it's not where you want to be) to the unknown.

Above all though, the scariest and also the most exciting, the most risky, and the most potential rewarding, is to STAY stuck and do nothing, or worse, to face the future and not move into it.