Friday, September 20, 2013

stop look and listen

Yesterday should have been a fantastic day.  And it was, right up until the last hour.

My daughter had a school production and all the family came to watch - I had to work late so put grandparents in charge of dinner and taxi-ing.

On return to the house, it was raining, it was late, we were all tired and a bit hungry.  Grandparents decided to head home. Children had decided they were staying. Everyone was talking, then everyone was shouting and then everyone was crying.  The kids were perplexed, upset, remorseful. All the things you don't need at 8 pm on a week night. Grandparents left, distressed. No doubt horrified at what had happened. I sat on the couch and cried at my own inability to manage my own reactions.  It was horrible horrible horrible. Sometimes I really do turn into the worst version of myself:(. I know anger, frustration, all those emotions are valid ...but they still don't feel good.

Of course, in retrospect, I knew that it wouldn't have mattered if the kids had an extra 10 minutes to unwind. It wouldn't have mattered if the grandparents had stayed or gone.  It was me, wanting to tidy up the day as quickly as possible, that contributed to, and probably exacerbated the maelstrom.

It settled, eventually. Today is a new day. Thank God for the quick forgiveness of offspring.

The lesson learned - I should have just stepped away from the edge.

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