A job well done

You know that life is busy when there's no time to blog.

It's been a month since my last confession and I swear I don't know where that time has gone - actually that's not quite true. I know exactly where it's gone - a haze of budgets, scripts, certificates, dress choosing, invitation writing and all the other things that go with putting on a BIG event.

Deciding we could maintain better control, and, thus, a better outcome, my colleague and I took on the job of running our regions Business Excellence Awards on our own.  No committees, no volunteers. Just us - managing every aspect (albeit by employing some fabulous subcontractors for the actual award night).  We had a budget, a strict one, a time line, also strict, but a fairly broad brief - make this the best awards ever and the sponsors, and entrants,  will love us for ever.

Although much of the focus goes on the glittering awards night - a black tie dinner and ceremony for 300, there was A LOT of prework.  Categories to be finalised and in some cases completely recreated,  criteria to be decided, a process map to write and then adhere too, marketing, sponsor relationships, the financial aspects, theming the process, recruiting entrants, launches and training workshops, communication with every interested party.  And then the work on the actual night - band, lighting, special effects,  sound, caterer, menu,  venue,  MC, theming, the balance between  keeping everything secret and having to arrange speeches, certificates, trophies flowers and power points - and of course the set up, pack up.  Let me tell you, it takes a LONG TIME to put Lycra covers on 300 chairs!!!   At times it felt overwhelming.  At times I wanted to hide under my laptop.  

I had my hair done, a trip to the beauty therapist, a fantastic new dress (didn't manage to lose the 5kg I wanted to but ho hum).  My young man had a fab tuxedo and all that goes with it.

The awards night itself would appear to be the end of the process, but in fact for me it isn't.  Although one of the areas of responsibility this year was managing the event, in some ways it's now that the really hard work starts - paying bills, balancing the books, getting feedback (from both ends of the spectrum) from entrants, sponsors and guests.  Reviewing every decision in order to continue improving next year.

But the show goes on, and right now I'm in the afterglow of a fabulous awards night, where 300 people were wined and dined and got to wear their finest outfits.  There was an air of celebration that only small town NZ can appreciate, and yet it was still slick and professional enough to please even our toughest big city critics.  There have been lots of positive phone calls and emails in the last couple of days, far outweighing the odd negative comment received - and a great reinforcement for we two CEOs of a job well done.

Onwards to next year.

STRANGER DANGER - the unfortunate series of events

There has been a lot of stress around the village over the past few weeks. Unfortunately there are lots of versions of the truth.  this is mine:

3 Fridays ago my child and two friends (aged between 10 and 12) were dispatched to the next street (about 200 metres away) to collect my other child (7) from a play date. It was 5 pm and still light.  They returned within about 30 minutes and reported being followed by a man who kept going down driveways each time they turned around.  One of the girls vaguely recognised him and even said hello at one point but stopped this when the others said they didn't know him.  they stayed in a group, came straight home and told me what happened, where he had been and so on, in quite good detail.  They each gave an independent description of the man, all matched.  They described him well and included the idea that he looked ''like he should be an adult but kind of looked like a kid''.  At the time I remained calm, thinking it was probably some poor old soul walking his dog who was freaked out by kids thinking they were being followed. I let the parents of the other two know, and these two had also mentioned it, without stress, to their mothers.

After consideration (it was a long weekend) I rang the school on the Tuesday morning and spoke to the Principal - just in case someone else had also reported this, and she urged me to phone the Police, which I did.  I had a long conversation with the Constable during which time he told me that he recognised the description, that they were aware of this person, that he was considered a nuisance but not dangerous, he indicated the area the man lived in, and told me to be ''aware''. It was a conversation by phone and i did not make a written complaint however it was lengthy and detailed.  I suggested we hold a Neighbourhood support meeting which he strongly agreed was a good idea, and that this issue could be discussed on the night.

Meeting was duly called and although in the ensuing few days the story got rather contorted, the facts remained largely the same, and as a result more than 50 people came to the meeting.

To my absolute astonishment, the same constable , whilst addressing the fact that there had been an ''alleged'' following, announced that there was no description offered, no times, no details and Police were confident that there was no one in the village who was of concern.  (weird incident one)  People were confused but relatively satisfied that everything was hunky dory.  At the end of the meeting I told the group it had been my child followed and that I had spoken at length to the Constable and hence the calling of the meeting. I also asked for him to give a definitive guide to what people should be doing if there was any other incident.  Of course, he urged people to contact Police.

the next day (Saturday) a parent posted a description on Facebook.  It didn't match the description of the person followed by my kids which now meant, we believed, we had TWO people in the village.  I posted the description on our community Facebook page but took it down at the request of the person who had it - we needed to make sure the school knew everything and we didn't want to cause undue stress.  In the meantime 5000 people had read the post and the page was busy with people talking about this.

there was a very broad overview of the two incidents including the fact that accordingly to police the descriptions didn't match (what? how could this be? the police told the community they didn't HAVE a description - weird incident four) but included this:

 • Children walking or biking to and from school should stay together and use the roads that MOST people use

• If approached, politely say NO, turn and walk fast to the nearest shop, house, or home if it is close by and tell them, what has happened. If with friends, always stay together.

• Always tell your parents or an adult if you are approached by a stranger and they will ring 111 

• Adults if you see children in the village being spoken to by an adult, ask if the child is OK and check that they know the adult, if you have cause for concern. Be a busy body, that’s what neighbourhood watch is about.

Well blow me down if not the very next day we DID have an incident in the village where (we are told) a man attempted to coax a boy into a car outside the school.  Again, speculation was rife and people panicked.  The next night a group of parents met at my house and we talked about what we could do - it was another long weekend so in light of this, how could we keep our children safe until school time again. Overall there was a frustration at the small amount of information we had - we still don't know why this was but can assume it was because both school and police needed to have exact facts before sending anything home.  (weird incident two)  We agreed we needed to wait for the school to produce some facts, but that in the meantime we needed to remain extra vigilant.  There were some ideas on what the vehicle was like although this was unsubstantiated.  There were also a couple of other people who told of stories of their child being followed by what appeared to be the same described vehicle. These people were also encouraged to talk to the police.

Monday just gone I had a conversation with the school Principal.  She was extremely concerned that I had added fuel to the fire of this and needed to assure me the police was involved.  It was a heated discussion.  I could certainly understand her concerns and she was getting it both barrels however my intention in publishing what I knew was to STOP speculation not grow it.  She was unaware that I had provided a description of the first man to police or of what the Police had said at the Support meeting (weird incident three).  That same day the police came to school (it turns out that they had been patrolling since the previous Friday although we didn't know this then) and talked to the children in general terms about stranger danger.  The same information was put in a notice to go home to parents (my child didn't think this was important and so I only got the notice yesterday - shows what kids take in!)

Yesterday I spoke with the person who had provided the description of the man in the car.  This description was given to her BY THE POLICE.  They say it wasn't to be shared and the local guy didn't know it had been (weird incident five).

There are a number of other anomalies in this story.  A school in another nearby town has had similar incidents. I found out about this through a friend but other schools have not been told.  A friend in the Police who lives locally also was not told about it.  The information shared by me on the Facebook page reached 5000 people - that tells me 5000 people got the exact same story - so how come all the Chinese whispers?  Why is it not okay to scare kids but its OK to play down something like this?

Overall it has left me with a very bad taste, and I am extremely uncomfortable about letting my children walk around town. 

Please note - this is MY version of events.  Your comments are welcome.

We could get a grant for that

I am involved with a number of not for profit organisations, that like most of them in this country, are heavily reliant on the good will of hardworking committee members to get their work done.

Money is always tight, and it rare to get through a meeting without someone suggesting we ''get a grant'' to help cover the costs of a particular project.
what a wonderful idea - fancy that there would be so many philanthropic organisations or there prepared to give money for the good of the community!

Yes, it true, that there are a few of these amazing groups, mainly attached to large corporates, who generously give money for the betterment of our small towns and communities.  But don't be under any illusions.  By far and way, the most generous of these, and the most common, are those that ''redistribute'' money from gaming machines.

Just this week I spoke to a trustee of a gaming machine proceeds Trust who mentioned that in the town he looks after (population 15000) the take each week of LOSSES in machines is $60,000.  Multiply that across the whole of NZ and it is a mind boggling amount of money that is disappearing out of circulation into those horrible shiny machines, and being ''given back'' by way of grants and donations.

So that's good right? At least the money is being returned to the community and not held in the pockets and profits of the businesses who house these thieving things?  The trusts are run by responsible people who ensure that the money goes to worthy projects that benefit their local communities right?  If it wasn't for these machines we wouldn't have restored buildings, lovely parks for our kids to play in, secretaries of NFPs being paid, community centres, and reading/cooking/life skill programmes for the disadvantaged right?

Well, may be not, but but we'd also have, in my community alone, an extra
sixty thousand dollars a week in our economy.  And I would argue that those people feeding slot machines, and losing, are funding projects that are by and large nice to haves not need to haves.  Especially when compared to the social cost gaming machines are having in the first instance.  Add to that the irony that those who are losing the most are getting a portion back by way of a cooking lesson or food parcel, and it seems to be an immoral industry all round.

Think carefully next time you suggest to your committee that you ''get a grant''.  Think about who is actually funding your project.

Then decide which focus of social betterment is more palatable.

in praise of public transport - an alternative to the housing crisis

I've been doing quite a bit of reading about the Auckland housing crisis this week.  The blogs and opinion pieces from those on both sides of the story have made for interesting reading, and yet despite all I have trawled through, I am yet to find anything that concretely tells me what ''affordable'' actually means.

Seems the government (both local and central) have their minds and hearts set on opening up new development - supposedly cheaper housing, and close enough (they say) to minimise urban sprawl.  

Call me naive, but it seems patently obvious to me that this is a completely flawed approach.  The reality is that it will be very difficult to create desirable places to live in outside of the already favoured areas.  Also it surely must be obvious to the planners that these satellite suburbs are not going to be desirable to a very wide group if they are still going to involve lengthy work commutes and gridlock traffic.  There's a good risk that cheap housing will always be cheap housing and (as was evidenced in Hamilton 20 years ago) very quickly become the Kiwi version of slums.

Add to that the notion of affordability. We still don't know what that is but I guarantee it won't mean a decent quality house for under $350k - which means that probably 90% of the people who are wanting this housing wont be able to afford it anyway.  These homeowners - assuming they can own these houses - or renters of same houses, will be on low wages, then commuting to jobs elsewhere - I doubt that entire suburbs of retail  and industry are going to be popping up around the housing any time soon, especially with the proliferation of business parks already in Auckland - and the birth of the super mall.

Apartment living is an option I suppose, but certainly not attractive to many with young children (the very people needing affordable housing).  Moving to less attractive suburbs - well that's a possibility but again, those with kids are going to be looking at schooling first, and accessibility to their own workplaces second. 

I simply cannot understand the reluctance to create better commuter towns as happens abroad.  Allowing  Auckland to be the hub, and the smaller towns to spoke, with high quality, high speed commuter transport seems to me to be a far better answer.  Keeping people in their own communities is better for society as a whole, keeps money in small places, allows families to live in areas they may not have previously considered viable, and makes us an attractive nation to settle in for people coming from like minded countries.  In many places in the world a one or two hour commute to work is not unusual, but this is done by efficient, comfortable train, not slow bus or gridlocked traffic routes.  

Imagine if you could jump on a train in Pukekohe and be in the city in less than 30 minutes.  Or get on in Hamilton and take under 90.  I believe this would be good for everyone - less pressure on the Auckland housing market, continuing demand for quality (and far more affordable housing) in corridor towns, less pressure on the other infrastructure costs of growing a city and allowing people the choice of living somewhere that allows lifestyle other than city living.  I'd even go so far as to say there might be less pressure to maintain a double income family (due to not having to spend a million bucks on a house in a decent area of the city).

My generation, and those that follows are technologically savvy, and open to change - I think they'll embrace public transport if it's made easy and ''affordable''.  Younger people already use trains and buses as viable, constant alternatives to cars.  Tourists continue to be astounded at the poor transport options to move them around NZ. 

How do we make this happen?!?!

Your thoughts?

I am what I am - the scourge of the service town

desperate times desperate measures

Things are pretty bad around here.  Shops are closing.  More and more people I know are having meatless meals (surely a sign of hard financial times).  Second hand shops are popping up everywhere.  Lots of people are walking or biking places. Seems every other person is being made redundant at the moment. Or looking for a new job that pays a bit better.  The day of the ''main breadwinner'' is over as increasing numbers of families need to have two incomes.  You could say its doom and gloom.  Economy crashing.  Heading into winter.  Surviving the summer drought.  Worrying about interest rates.  Stressing how to pay the bills.

I'm not immune.  My young man was made redundant and is looking for work.  My own job is ...tenuous.  Heaven forbid that the car breaks down, or I break a tooth!  My power bill seems to be creeping up, petrol is definitely costing more, and as the kids grow so do their expenses.  I'll admit it, I'm worried.

And I'm a bit grumpy.  See, every one's an expert.  Those who are comfortably employed simply cannot appreciate this situation (I know, I was that person and I didn't).  It's quite different to look in on the troubles of someone else, and oh so easy to offer advice.  Just do this. Just do that. If only.  But still. At least.

Today I applied for two jobs.  I could do both of them well, but both would mean major lifestyle changes for my whole family.  Needs must.   I spent ages rewriting my CV to be tailored to each job, and a relevant cover letter (because that's what the experts say to do).  I also sold, via Trade Me, a few more things I don't ''really'' need.  That will bring in a couple of hundred dollars - a false economy I know, but needs must.

I've started carefully planning - and subsequently reducing the number of - outings I have. I haven't had a proper holiday in over 2 years, but actually more like 7.  If I can work from home (and hence save money on petrol and the ever tempting bought coffee) I do.  To conserve water I'm only using the washing machine a couple of times a week with super full loads.  Every light in the house is off unless it HAS to be on.  Same with appliances.  I'm resisting putting on the winter heating, and instead have put extra blankets on the bed.  I'm grocery shopping every 10 days instead of once a week and taking every bit of produce that's offered to me.   It really is that tough.

And I know I am one of the lucky ones - I have a house, a job, a car.  We eat well. We live well.  I fear for others not so well off. Eventually we will all run out of things to sell.  There's cars that need replacing, teeth that need fixing.

What are you doing in these tough times? Are they tough for you? What advice have you been given? What advice are you giving out?

the customer's always right, right?

Lately I've been thinking about the power of feedback.  About how perception is reality, and how just a tiny bit of bad publicity can wreck a reputation.

First - feedback. Not the direct ''I think this of your product/service'' kind of feedback, but more the ''I heard this about that business'' kind of feedback.   In my experience few businesses actively ask their clients for feedback (unless they are looking for warm fuzzy quotes to go on their website).  And when they do receive it, usually unsolicited, and more often than not at the negative end of the spectrum, they can easily come up with a counter argument for everything said - of course the customer was unhappy, the brief wasn't clear. Of course we went over budget, the scope changed.  Of course we were unable to complete on time, there was extra unallowed for work involved.  Of course she left the shop unhappy, she was miserable when she came in and was probably already having a bad day.    Problem is, whatever the reason for a customers misery - as the provider of a product or service, you will always be considered the one accountable for the experience.

Perception is reality - sure is.  The customer that THINKS you are a slow responder will be very difficult to convince otherwise.  The customer that FEELS you understand their business will remain loyal even if in fact you don't particularly value them as a client when the lights are off.  The person that sees you in a messy office, or cruddy old car, will always have a certain view of you, no matter how efficient or innovative you actually are.

And as for bad publicity...well actually whether a rumour is true or not, once something bad is said about you, your business is going to have a huge job convincing anyone to the contrary.  One barely bad experience from one small customer is just as damaging as making a huge stuff up on your most important client.  Everyone makes mistakes, and its important to own up to them, but it is imperative to do the very best to maintain the absolute best reputation you can for your business.  Acknowledge mistakes, fix them immediately (even if they are not actually your fault), apologise gracefully, and do better, much better, next time.

The customer is always right, right?

helpless and hopeless

I'm watching two people who are close to me go through some tough stuff.  They care for each other deeply and have also been through plenty of other own crises in the past few years, but now it's about the redefinition of their own relationship.  Things are messy and emotional.  I can see both sides of the story.  I can relate to both, agree with both, and disagree with both.

But I can't really get involved. It's not my place to do any more than be a listening ear.  And its hard, oh it's hard.  I want to be sympathetic, I want to offer thoughts and opinion.  I want to fix this.  But I can't.

I guess it's partly selfish - I have this ridiculous need to see everyone living happy ever after.  I have an abhorrance of conflict (sometimes to my detriment it must be said). I want to believe in an ideal world where everything is resolvable and we can all accept each others views.  Yes I know it's unrealistic.  Yes I know life is messy and unpredictable (oh how I know that!), yes I know that sometimes things actually AREN'T fixable - the only thing to lessen pain is time.

The crazy thing is it's not really even any of my business. I'm an onlooker. I have no right to an opinion other than as friend or confidante.  It's a good lesson for me.  Listen, learn, care - but let others do what is right for them.

decisions decisions

Today I am feeling a little calmer than I did yesterday.  Yesterday I felt a little crazier than the day before.
Last week I didn't know which direction I was looking in.

I've got a lot going on you see, and am feeling like there's some major life decisions looming - and to be honest I'm nervous about facing them.  Thanks to the relative insecurity of my (otherwise terrific) job, I am seriously considering seeking new employment.  One child is fast approaching a potential school change as she is in Year 6.  The ridiculous size of my mortgage is leaving me feeling financially strapped.  I just had a mountain of blood tests and if the Doctors supposition turns out to be correct there's going to be some major lifestyle changes happening right here.  My car is making all kinds of scary noises and asking (more and more vociferously) to be be retired to trade-in heaven.

Life is good, don't get me wrong, but like most people, it seems that sometimes all the ''stuff'' happens at once and appears in an insurmountable pile that demands attention, right now.

I've often used the expression ''sometimes not making a decision is the right decision''.  That's worked out OK for me up until now, but I'm getting closer and closer to the point of ultimatum.  My right brain tendencies suggest that I'll make a list of pros and cons, get some specialist advice, be rational.  The usually stifled left brain arrangement means I'll most likely ignore my gut instincts.  Ahhh decisions, why are you so difficult to communicate with!?!?

How do you make decisions?  Once made do you stick with them or do you tend to prevaricate until there's no time left?

is blood thicker than water?

I've always been a bit envious of those people that have a ''strong circle of friends''.  You know, the kind where all the wives are besties, the husbands are mates, the kids play happily together, and it's all rather ''F.R.I.E.N.D.S'' like.

I'm also rather envious of those big families where there's lots of strong bonds - family get togethers, singing round the barbecue, and all that.  Sure, I get that it's a cliche.  I get that I watch too much American TV, but I still like it.

I'm lucky enough to have a circle of friends that kind of fits the description above, and I do come from a large family that (on one side anyway) has amazing annual get togethers.  And I have a close relationship with my parents and siblings if not the extended family in general.

This week I have had conversations for four different people who have all been lamenting the disconnect between their commitment to friendship (in particular) and that of the the friends involved.  Some people are really good at maintaining friendships with people they seldom see, and others just don't seem to want to put in the effort.

I suppose it's like any relationship, in that you have to both want success.  And it would seem that longevity is also not enough to guarantee the health of a friendship.  But the other observation I have made, is that for those people with very strong family ties, or a strong circle of current friends, there seems to be less need to maintain lasting bonds with seldom seen friends.   And for those that don't have good family relationships, the energy is put into friendships instead.

The problem comes of course, when one person values the friendship more than the other.  Or at least puts more priority on it than the other.

My guess is that if you have really strong connections with your family, it is impossible to understand what it would be like not to have that.  It would be difficult to understand why someone would put as much store in a friendship as they put into their family relationships.  It might even make the family-light person seem a bit ...well, intense?

Perhaps, but I would argue that friendships can be, and are, just as rewarding as the relationships we have with people we are biologically connected to - in fact sometimes more so.  After all, one is always related, but a friendship requires a real commitment from two sides.

Here's the question/challenge for you:

Do you value your friends as much (or even more) than your family?
What would happen if you had to choose one over the other?
Do you consider your friends an extension of your family?
How much effort are you really prepared to put into maintaining friendships with people you have known for a long time?

the power of friendship

This week I had the pleasure of meeting my SO's two closest friends, both of whom live overseas and are seldom in NZ.  It was a wonderful day, with kids and wives, extended family, lots of food and music and plenty of laughs (and ''remember when'' stories).

These guys met when they were only 14, and 25 years later still clearly have a strong bond that can only be formed through the trials and tribulations of the teen years.  There was a fourth in the group, who sadly died as a young man, and part of this day of gathering included a walk up the mountain these boys spend much of their time on as young people.  Some others joined us and we sat at the top of the hill enjoying an amazing NZ vista and slugging back quintessential kiwi refreshments (Schweppes Sparkling Duet anyone?).

It was great fun to see them in action, and be able to piece together a little more of SO's life pre-me.  And they (and their wives) made me feel so welcome that any potential awkwardness was gone before it even appeared.   Even though we had never met - in fact had barely even seen a Facebook photo of each other - it was fun, and relaxed, and conversation flowed easily. Social media is all well and good, but nothing replaces the joy of a real life conversation!

But of course there's a downside to the 'see you every two years'' kind of relationship.  By living so far apart from each other we miss all those important events - weddings, birthdays, funerals, the birth of children - that were once the things that drew a community together.  Perhaps it shouldn't matter.  Perhaps its a matter of quality not quantity when it comes to friendships - but I still have this feeling that giving the choice, most of us would like to be surrounded by those people that mean most to us, and shared some of our most intense experiences (as only early-adulthood ones can be).

I too have a group of friends from that time and it has been many many years since the four of us have been together.  When we do, the friendships pick up right where they left off and time falls away.   That's the power of friendship.  But I can never quite decide if it's a wonderful thing, that the world is so small we can relocate to another country with such ease - and commute half way round the world for Christmas - or if in fact this is a tragedy: those incredible friendships that we develop as young people, despite remaining strong no matter how far apart people can be, could surely be so much more if we lived nearer each other?

call me loyal

This question was posted on a Facebook thread today:


Is "Loyalty" (to your partner, to your job, to your ideals, etc.) important? Is it a key ingredient of you as a person? Did it get you hurt in the past?

and I replied with:

I  think loyalty, much like leadership - in fact they are probably very closely related, is earned. That's about demonstrating those core values that people want to follow. What I'm suggesting though is that it can be easy to be loyal to a person (in particular, as opposed to a product) because of guilt. eg I will stay loyal to this person because of something that happened in the past or because I will feel guilty if i betray them (even if it opposes my core values) or maybe pride - I can't stop being loyal because I said I would remain so.  

In consumerist society, loyalty is the buzzword of the moment. I must have at least 20 cards in my wallet that are testaments to my supposed loyalty - cafes, takeaway, a supermarket, DVD shop, clothing store, even the hairdresser. Do they engender my loyalty? Not really. Most are places I would go anyway and - as an example - spending $50 on coffee over the course of 3 months, just to get a free one is certainly not my motivation for returning. On the other hand, by having that 'loyalty card'' in my wallet I am subconsciously reminding myself to return to the same stores over and over. Some are rather clever and offer me a reward even if I don't remember my card. 

 
Of course, the reason I return to those stores time after time is because of the quality of their product and/or service. They take the lead and I, encouraged by what I receive there, gladly give them my money.

Loyalty to a job - does this really exist any more? I am sure that there are many older people who are long time employees of an organisation, and who would consider themselves ''loyal'' to their employer. But most people these days don't stay in the same job for years and years - they move happily and readily to a better opportunity, and rather than viewing longevity in a job as a good (read responsible, sensible, loyal) option, would see long time employment as a sign of apathy or even incompetence. 

 
Loyalty to ideals - well maybe that's another story. Absolutely we should be loyal to what we believe in. Assuming loyal means to stay true to, rather than to cling on in vain hope? My thesaurus tells me loyal means unswerving or faithful. Sounds good to me. Provided its tempered with good sense. Why be loyal to something, or someone that is dishonouring to you? Why be loyal to something, or someone, just because they've been in your life for a long time? Doesn't loyalty, like respect, get earned in relationships too?

 
Yes, I'd say I'm a loyal person. I will be faithful to that which I believe in most soundly and those whom I love most. Have I been hurt by this? Oh yes, many times, and in some ways it has made me a little more judicious about the things I now defend. Not all in all I bad thing I think.

Loyalty, alone, in my view is unsustainable and unrealistic. It cannot be demanded, or given without far deeper motivations. 

Your thoughts?

well that's the plan, anyway...

2012s goals plans and resolutions
this was my not so private to do list for 2012.
When I read through it now there's an awful lot of things on there that haven't got even close to fruition let alone completion.  But there were a few other things I really wanted to do in 2012 that I DID achieve - little things mainly - and I'm delighted about them.
I went in a dancing competition (did terribly but that's not the point....)
I learned to play a board game I'd been wanting to try for ages
I visited a part of NZ I had never seen before, and revisited one of my favourite cities
I got my wish of (more than one as it turned out) a really fantastic dinner date
I got a pay rise and secured some more work for 2013, but managed to wind down two other contracts
I finished the next round of house renovations and got the spa I'd wanted for a long long time
My children finished their school year well and happily, and both had developed new talents and skills
The Dancing Queen made it to double digits and survived her first school camp, marae stay and Guide camp
The little Engineer perfected the art of bike skids and  formidable belly flops into the swimming pool
I said NO more, and have worked on feeling less guilty about it
I started going to the gym and found I actually quite like it
I got a whole nights sleep (yes just the one but that's momentous)

There's been some other things too, not necessarily for public consumption, and overall I'm feeling pretty good about my year.

I firmly believe in the ''write it down and it will happen'' theories.  Its absolutely true that once a plan/goal/dream is shared, you feel more accountable and more motivated to make it happen.

And so, will a little trepidation, here is a pared down version of my plans for 2013

- renew my passport (you never know...)
- upgrade my car
- keep focused on getting to the gym at least twice a week
- do the cheese making course I never got to in 2012
- spend a night in the tipi on the West Coast
- get a whole nights sleep (yep that's still on my list) more than once this year
- drink a Maitai, try a new ethnic food, find a new perfume I adore
- make a dent in my ''I want to see that'' movie list
- finish the books on my waiting-to-be-read pile

Do you make plans? Resolutions?  Set goals? Why or why not? Are you prepared to share?

The annual Christmas poem

From our house to yours

.A Christmas Carol

Oh little town of  Alexand how still we see thee lie,

Can only mean we’re not outside,

my daughter, son and I

Yet in the dark street shineth an everlasting light,

 I think it be my Christmas tree, those flashing things are bright!

How silently how silently the cat comes sidling in…

Since joining us in February, she’s had us in a spin

She sulked for the first week or two then hid under the bed,

And though she should be TLE's cat she fancies the Queen instead

Listen and you just might hear some voices singing gaily

Could be Kapa haka (her) or him and ukulele

Born to please a crowd they are, with not a hint of coy

On the stage or a YouTube clip, that’s my girl and boy

Out in the garden -  one for each-  lots of plants abound

Berries, peas, and spuds and beans are all there to be found

The Engineer's the green thumb, the Dancing Queen, likes cooking

(Though more whipped cream and chocolate cake is pinched when I’m not looking)

The adult of the house is great – in work and home life too

The job, the gym, the Village Voice, the dancing that I do

A special friend to share my time, (who’s learned to dance as well)

In retrospect I must declare the year has turned out swell

Happy Christmas from Us

the shape of things to come

A couple of months ago I won two months gym membership in a Facebook competition.  It included a session with a personal trainer, and although it took me a few weeks to actually get in there, once I'd had the assessment (surprisingly good), and got my workout plan, I found I was quite excited about the idea.

I'm no couch potato (I walk or use my bike to get about every day and dance at least once a week) but I also knew that my body could use a bit of work - I treat it well most of the time, but like most women in their mid-40s, I probably spend more time on the peripherals of exercise, and more money on my face/skin/hair than I do on maintaining good fitness and tone.

So, fast forward 8 sessions or so and I'm starting, ever so slowly, to see some changes.  I can do more whilst I'm on my circuit (eg up to 20 flights of stairs on the stepper, having started at 15, rowing for 7 minutes rather than 4), and although there's certainly no dramatic changes to my shape I do feel just a little bit straighter and fitter - and yes maybe even a little firmer in some spots.

Its been a bit frustrating that ''the weight isn't falling off''.  Like most people I'm always thinking I could do with shedding a few kilos and I (somewhat unrealistically) thought this gym thing would make that an easy task.  Here's the downside - I'm so hungry all the time!  I guess its all that exercise but I'm sure I am eating more now than I was a month ago.  I get hungry at random times too - late in the evening, early in the morning, neither of which have been typical eating times for me.  So, when I lamented about this to the trainer (also a good friend) she suggested I keep a food diary for a few days and she could analyse it for me.

Well, if there was ever a motivation to change what went into my mouth, that was it!  NOT the goal of losing weight, oh no.  The thought that I would have to write down that a bag of chips fell into my mouth was just too horrifying and so I now find myself thinking ''hmmmm, maybe I could have an apple''.  It's the darnedest thing!  I don't want my friend thinking I eat rubbish (actually I don't ...really.....) and I don't want to see a list in black and white of what went into my stomach either!

And so whilst I have still had a couple of major pig outs (today an example when I attended an event with catered deliciousness), I am certainly more aware of everything I'm consuming, and I'm hoping that this will be the difference between getting fit, and getting into shape.

tis the season to be thankful

The words that have been on my mind this week are grateful and  content.

As the avalanche of flyer's for Christmas shopping grows at my gate, and there seems to be more advertisements on television than actually programming (all which tell me I will be a better person/happier/smarter/more attractive if only I purchase from a particular store) I am reminded again of how easy it is to lose sight of the concept of being happy with what I already have.  And its particularly challenging having two small people in my house who are so easily influenced by the media.

Certainly it is unreasonable to expect a child to easily understand that they already ''have so much'' when they are subjected to this constantly, and also don't have a world view as broad as an adults.  And all children see more of what they don't have than what they do.

But Christmas is surely a time we should be taking a breath and remembering just how much we DO have and being glad for it.  Grateful for me means adopting some humility and being reminded of the abundance we live in as a society, as a community, and as a family. It means being thankful and gracious even when I don't necessarily feel like being either.   Content means being able to accept that I really do have enough - even though they may be times I still crave a particular thing or experience.  It goes beyond resignation (that will have to do), and  not as far as complacency (I no longer need to have goals or drive) and allows me to appreciate the small things in life that tend to get overlooked - especially in the crazy time that is December.

What are you grateful for this Christmas?  Can you look at your life and feel content?  What might need to change in 2013 to get you closer to this?

I am grateful for the amazing community I live in - the friends around the corner, the abundance of local produce I can buy, the incredible view of Mt Pirongia I can see every day.  I am content with my smallish house, my oldish car and my longish grass.  And this year I want to make a real effort (that's the non-complacency bit) to share that gratefulness and contentment with my family over the crazy pre-Christmas season.

.

perception is reality: a view from the shop front

I live in a town that has traditionally been a place of independent store owners.  Businesses that have been run by generations of shopkeepers and tradesmen, where everyone knows your name and shop fitouts are of an indeterminate age.
About ten years ago things began to change.  The ''big guns'' came to town - the Warehouse and its ilk, and of course we saw the birth of the sometimes described scourge known as the $2 shop.   There was an influx of national chains, mainly clothing and stationery.  There were cafes opening on every corner too and some of the long time retailers shut up shop.  Farmers closed its tired old store. As did Hallensteins.  The shops who appear in malls declined to come.  Things were looking grim.  A large format development was started on the outskirts of town.  McDonalds and several other takeaways turned up.

Fast forward on and we are now in a state of flux.  This month, there are 7 empty stores on the main street - all independent retailers that have shut down.  It sounds bad.  In some ways it IS bad.  But there's a hidden side to this story.

One of those retailers has moved to a premise 3 times the size of his previous building.  Another national chain has come to town and taken the old space.  Three new large businesses have come to town.  The stores that were high prices,  low value or low volume are finding it hard to compete - but the big shops ensure that our town is now competitive with the city just up the road.  And surely the fact that big players are coming here - employing locally, spending a heap on a shop fitout, and giving a streamlined look to our retail strip - suggests that they believe our town is worth investing in?

Sure, there's lots of vintage/second hand/op shops.  There's more than our fair share of cheap imported goods shops.  There's lots of low cost takeaway outlets.  But there's also plenty of boutiques, expensive hairdressers and gorgeous gift shops too.

Today GrabOne presented to a group of businesses.  We sat in a fantastic restaurant, eating great food and hearing about some real success stories - mainly, but not only, in retail, around New Zealand.  Then we talked about our upcoming Christmas parade, in which we expect 60 floats, and about 5000 people to come and enjoy.

Seems to me the economy is not as grim as one might believe.  It's all about perspective.

gimme gimme gimme

Okay, I confess. I lost the plot a bit on Friday.  I raised my voice...nay, shouted. Quite a bit.

It was Friday night.  We'd had a busy week, the kids and I.  Athletics, Guides, playdates, music lessons, the Light Party, a trip to BK.  Hardly a tough week when it came to kid indulgences.

Unfortunately for me (or them, as they pointed out), the circus was in town and we weren't going.  I'm not one for circuses myself, something about the clowns that freak me out, and so it's not something I am particularly excited about going to.  Especially at $35 a ticket - and that's not even a seat near the front.  They begged. I said no.  They pleaded. I said no.  They whined.  I said no, more vehemently. They told me Everyone Except For Them would be going.  That if I Really Loved Them I Would Take Them.  That they didn't get to go ANYWHERE and it WASNT FAIR.

I pointed out the previous weeks activities.  And yes, I'll admit it, my voice got a little louder with each thing on the checklist.  I reminded them that I Wasn't Made Of Money.  I explained my position.  I didn't bother with reasoning, I just put it all out there.

Finally, eyes agog as they witnessed me lose the plot on the fifteenth (or was that fiftieth) ask, they conceded that they wouldn't be going to the circus.

The next day one child went for a playdate/sleepover at best friends, and the other went to an all afternoon and most of the night birthday party.  On Sunday we had errands to do, but I added in Subway for lunch and a quick coffee stop at a kid-friendly cafe.  We saw more friends.  It was a lovely day.

Until, on the way home, I was told:  ITS NOT FAIR! WE STILL DIDN'T GET TO GO TO THE CIRCUS

pride and prejudice

In a recent conversation with a (child free) friend about teaching kids respect, she said ''What I am fascinated by is the absolute hatred in some people for a particular type of person - particularly when they are parents, or want to be - and yet have no idea how their child may be in adulthood.  Will they love that child or be proud of them? What pressure goes on a child to be a certain way, or to not become what the parents despise? How does that pressure show itself in a child?''

As the parent of two inquisitive kids, I am often confronted with some tricky questions - why do they believe that Mum? Why is that person fat?  What does gay mean?  You know the stuff... I want to raise my children to be tolerant of others, to accept differences but to remain true to their own beliefs and values.  So this poses an interesting question:

If there's a  particular belief/lifestyle choice/view that I strongly disagree with, how might that affect the way I parent? What if YOUR child grew up to be the ''someone'' who chose to live a lifestyle you found totally offensive?  For example, what if they are a supporter of a political party you abhor, or in a religion you find unacceptable, or chose a path - stumbled into a path - you didn't understand and couldn't condone - atheist, gay, obese, drug addict, alcoholic, criminal, bankrupt, hermit, abuser.  Whatever.  Its not an exhaustive list, and it's not my own personal record of no goes - just some examples to get you thinking.

My own view is that it is imperative to teach some tolerance, with boundaries, to our children.  So that might mean explaining the impact or consequences of certain behaviours, but giving children the freedom to choose a path for themselves.  Which is all very idealistic when the child is 7 or 8, and less realistic as they approach adulthood.  My main concern is that I do not allow any hatred to form, particularly when it relates to people who are different to ourselves - and yet make it clear that there are certain behaviours (as opposed to beliefs/values/inborn characteristics) that are not OK.

How about you?  Do you have a no go area?  Is it ok for children to know their parents own prejudices? Are there prejudices you are aware you are passing onto your children?  Why?

a lifetime in a decade

This time ten years ago I was on the brink of first time motherhood. And it certainly is true what ''they'' say - that nothing, absolutely nothing, can prepare you for this experience.

Its still all SO clear to me, from the first labour pain, to holding that beautiful new baby in my arms.  Her first words, first steps, first trip to the beach.

The ten years have been a lifetime of ups and downs for our family, and although much of it is not the path I would choose, I have, sleeping just down the hall, an amazing human being.  A feisty girl with talent and spirit and spark.  One who has a very defined sense of right and wrong, one who is quick to react and just as quick to forgive others.

My ten year old has a great group of friends, many of whom are coming to share the day with us tomorrow.  Doting grandparents and adoring cousins.  A little brother who thinks she's absolutely wonderful and also his favourite person to tease and squabble with.

She is brave and fearless in a crowd, or on a stage, but still cries if she skins a knee.   A great sense of style and a love for  sparkle and bling - and a penchant for comfy trackpants and a pair of crocs.

A love of pop music and, surprisingly obscure jazz.  A taste for spicy curry, imported olives, iced chocolate and chicken chips.  She loves to read magazines and cookbooks, watch Masterchef on TV and transform her room into a hairdressing salon one day and a beauty spa the next.

Shes a water baby who can spend an hour in the bath, or a day in a swimming pool and still want more.  She dances, every day, and has taught herself to play the piano.  She has an affinity for language and dreams of one day visiting Paris and speaking French.

We are best friends most of the time, arch enemies occasionally, and share a fierce and protective love for each other.

To my amazing dancing queen: I love you to the moon and back.