Sunday, July 17, 2011

the straight line of life

I grew up with a certain expectation of how life was going to turn out - or at least how it OUGHT to be...

- be diligent at school, discover something i really liked doing and was good at
- make some nice friends, stay on the 'straight and narrow'in order to avoid the perceived dangers in the world
- get a good job, have a couple of nice hobbies
- travel a little, maybe live in a different culture
- fall in love, get married, buy a house, maybe have some children, live happily ever after

Well, I was pretty diligent at school, a bit of a geek who hung out in the music department and was hopeless at sports.  I had NICE friends who went to church every weekend, dated from within the youth group, and mostly, married their first love.
I got a great job, that paid well, (no university for this chick, way too scary!), and started travelling overseas on my own at only 16.
I had a nice boyfriend, a nice car, a nice job.
Life looked pretty good.  But I was BORED...stifled, sure there was some excitement to be had.

I went overseas again.  Had a couple of disastrous relationships with the 'wrong kind'' of  boys.  did some more travelling.  Fell in love.  Got a good job.  Got married.  Had a career.  Travelled some more. Moved to a gorgeous house in the country.   Had children.  

My marriage ended.  Hang on, that wasn't in the plan! 

This weekend marks three years for me of living in my own house, parenting alone.   the childrens father now has a very active part in their lives and is a great dad.  In fact he brought dinner here last night and we shared it together with the children.  In some ways we get on better, even parent more effectively, than when we were married.   the children were so young when it ended - only 1 and 4 at the time.  

In the past three years I have developed some wonderful friendships, thrown myself into my community,  found a job I love, settled into my life.  But most of what i did revolved around the children (as well it should).  I ventured into the mad world of second-time dating and relationships with spectacular non-success (I met some great people, even had my heart bruised a bit,  but no soul mate...yet!).  This year I started to step outside of my own life and try some new things.  It's made me more confident in myself, and helped me, in some ways, to re-find myself.  I've done some things that are completely out of my comfort zone, had totally new experiences, and tested some boundaries that I know now I have no wish to test again!

I feel like I know myself better than I ever have.  The stuff that's important, the values I want to hold on to, the kind of people and experiences I want to embrace.  My deal breakers.  (Ask me another time...)

This really isn't what i signed up for.  But even thought the line of of my life is rather more wiggly than lineal, I am managing to stay on it.  Mostly. 

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.

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