hang on a minute!!!!

how can it be that despite being the busiest i've ever been (how is THAT even possible when i thought the same through last year....) - 3 jobs, two kids at school, the paper, mainly music, drama lessons, zumba, biking, playdates for kids, homegroup for the grownups, childcare for friends, girls nights, family nights, the community centre (hurrah passed that on today), learning new skills, redecorating...blah blah blah...and i still feel like....well like there's something missing?

and don't be thinking this is about the faith crisis either...it's just that I'm, well, I'm kind of bored. life is awesome, i couldn't ask for more, SHOULDn't ask for more, and yet I am. There's been one or two sparks of excitement for me of late and I realise I want MORE! How to articulate that? Don't know...don't want to really, but I have this feeling like I'm on the cusp of something exciting - it's just, barely, out of reach, out of sight, but I know it's there. Kind of like wanting some adventure or risk - and yet I am not a risk taker (any more!), barely into adventure in fact...

The wise friends advice varies from...be satisfied with what you have - to, set a goal! - to, visualise your new future! Hmmm, not sure which of those fits best!

So, out has come the journal - you know the place where one can write all the stuff that doesn't belong in the public forum of the internet. Hard questions, harder answers.

The internet, while I'm on the subject...what a strange place it brings us to. False intimacy, forced intimacy, projected intimacy with 'virtual' strangers - our close friends seem, somehow further away, or at least at a safe distance, and our new friends, or distant 'friends' become the ones who know the minutiae of our lives. A parallel existence, not altogether comfortable and yet we slip in and out of it more easily that the homes of the people we know best.