imagine there are 4 children playing in a garden. There's a fence around the edges.
The first child looks around at what there is to do. Sees the fence. looks at it briefly and goes back to the task of playing. the second sees the fence, walks around the perimeter of the garden, and goes back to play. The third looks up, goes over to the fence, looks for a gate, tries to peep over the fence, checks how sturdy it is, then goes back to the game.
The fourth, somewhat bored with the play, goes over to the fence. Kicks it to see how strong it is. jumps up at it. gets frustrated - ever glancing back at the game but keen to know what lies beyond. body slams the fence. shouts in frustration. returns, resigned, to the game.
Which kid lives in your house?
How strong is your fence?
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
the double edged sword of technology
Some months ago I was introduced to Google calendar. I was sceptical - I'm organised, efficient, with a relatively good memory, and a perfectly adequate calendar hanging on the wall (in the same place for the past 5 years in fact). Why did i need an electronic calendar? just more information to remember to input right? just more reminders and emails to wade through each morning surely?
Well, because I am so openminded and willing to try new things (;)), I gave it a go. Now, a year down the track, I seriously don't know what I would do with out it. Everything I do is on there - the hours I put into my jobs, the pickups and drop offs for school, dancing, visits to Dad, play dates, sleepovers, my hobbies, church and community commitments, my dance classes! I find now i've turned into one of those people that says, 'oh the 15th? eerm, let me check my diary and get back to you...'. It's brilliant!
But the one thing that worries me...have I - have we all - become too reliant on technology? Sure, i would remember MOST of the things on each days schedule, but certainly not all. And I love being able to input something 3 or 6 or more weeks (or months) away and then be able to put it out of my mind until much closer to the time. Add on my mobile phone, the only place i keep easily retrieveable contact information. Places like Facebook where I can catch up on my friends comings and goings. Email. Blog feeds. Twitter. TradeMe to buy anything I want. iTunes and the MP3 player. Live updates on world events on the internet.
downside: I have a pile of books beside the bed, largely unread. Can't remember the last time I read a newspaper from front to back. I hardly watch the TV (oh...that's good, right!).
upside: Both of my main jobs are done largely via email and telephone which affords me the luxury of working from home, at any time of the day or night, to fit around kids. I compose the Village Voice using email, send it off via email for formatting and get it back as a finished publisher document. so so easy. The time i spend with 'real people' is real time - meaningful conversation with friends, fun with the children, being in the outdoors, enjoying music.
Conclusion - reliant? yes. addicted?..well maybe. balanced...yes for sure.
converted? absolutely!
Well, because I am so openminded and willing to try new things (;)), I gave it a go. Now, a year down the track, I seriously don't know what I would do with out it. Everything I do is on there - the hours I put into my jobs, the pickups and drop offs for school, dancing, visits to Dad, play dates, sleepovers, my hobbies, church and community commitments, my dance classes! I find now i've turned into one of those people that says, 'oh the 15th? eerm, let me check my diary and get back to you...'. It's brilliant!
But the one thing that worries me...have I - have we all - become too reliant on technology? Sure, i would remember MOST of the things on each days schedule, but certainly not all. And I love being able to input something 3 or 6 or more weeks (or months) away and then be able to put it out of my mind until much closer to the time. Add on my mobile phone, the only place i keep easily retrieveable contact information. Places like Facebook where I can catch up on my friends comings and goings. Email. Blog feeds. Twitter. TradeMe to buy anything I want. iTunes and the MP3 player. Live updates on world events on the internet.
downside: I have a pile of books beside the bed, largely unread. Can't remember the last time I read a newspaper from front to back. I hardly watch the TV (oh...that's good, right!).
upside: Both of my main jobs are done largely via email and telephone which affords me the luxury of working from home, at any time of the day or night, to fit around kids. I compose the Village Voice using email, send it off via email for formatting and get it back as a finished publisher document. so so easy. The time i spend with 'real people' is real time - meaningful conversation with friends, fun with the children, being in the outdoors, enjoying music.
Conclusion - reliant? yes. addicted?..well maybe. balanced...yes for sure.
converted? absolutely!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
a hard days night
a tough 10 ten days in this house is almost over. The first few days after the dancing Queen had her tonsils out were seductively - and deceivingly as it turns out - easy. the past few days have been..well, !@#@!!! hard work!
we've had a really nice few days today - dropping the engineer off at school, and collecting him together, but spending each day either going on little outings, visits or mooching about at home. DQ has helped me sort cupboards and drawers as well as spending time converting her bedroom to a beauty salon.
As her throat started to heal, she started getting a fair amount of pain and for a child already prone to 'larger than life' responses, we are all enjoying the benefit of the healing process. this has resulted in her seeking undivided attention (loudly and vociferously), large doses of pamol, brufen, and rescue remedy - and everything just seems that bit harder than normal.
i find myself in the 'bad mother camp' more often than i would like...often getting impatient when i should be dispensing large amounts of sympathy, and also feeling stressed as the work in my office piles up by the day. she is getting bored, i am getting frustrated at the slow healing process, we are probably both tiring about of each others company!
her balance has been off (presume this is as a result of all the painkillers, as well as recurrent earache) and so she's had a number of bumps, scrapes and near misses. also, with it being uncomfortable to swallow, her food and drink intake is lower than it ought to be - bringing the added pleasure of low blood sugar (although interestingly has no problem with ice cream, chocolate and lemonade!)
then, just round off the week nicely, she fell off the new jungle gym - well you'd think the roof of the world had caved in. her arm is sprained (but not broken) but is miraculously flexible when required for altercations with younger brother...
I love my children beyond measure but my parenting love tank is getting a bit depleted this week!!!
whew....whoever said parenting full time was the easy option clearly never had kids....
we've had a really nice few days today - dropping the engineer off at school, and collecting him together, but spending each day either going on little outings, visits or mooching about at home. DQ has helped me sort cupboards and drawers as well as spending time converting her bedroom to a beauty salon.
As her throat started to heal, she started getting a fair amount of pain and for a child already prone to 'larger than life' responses, we are all enjoying the benefit of the healing process. this has resulted in her seeking undivided attention (loudly and vociferously), large doses of pamol, brufen, and rescue remedy - and everything just seems that bit harder than normal.
i find myself in the 'bad mother camp' more often than i would like...often getting impatient when i should be dispensing large amounts of sympathy, and also feeling stressed as the work in my office piles up by the day. she is getting bored, i am getting frustrated at the slow healing process, we are probably both tiring about of each others company!
her balance has been off (presume this is as a result of all the painkillers, as well as recurrent earache) and so she's had a number of bumps, scrapes and near misses. also, with it being uncomfortable to swallow, her food and drink intake is lower than it ought to be - bringing the added pleasure of low blood sugar (although interestingly has no problem with ice cream, chocolate and lemonade!)
then, just round off the week nicely, she fell off the new jungle gym - well you'd think the roof of the world had caved in. her arm is sprained (but not broken) but is miraculously flexible when required for altercations with younger brother...
I love my children beyond measure but my parenting love tank is getting a bit depleted this week!!!
whew....whoever said parenting full time was the easy option clearly never had kids....
Sunday, March 06, 2011
random questions
1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
in the bath
2. Who are you in love with?
not telling
3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
eeewww!
4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
my jarmies
5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
more than two weeks ago
6. Are you wearing socks right now?
nope
7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?
I do
8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
this afternoon, to pick up the new jungle gym
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
no, but i did go 10 days ago, to the Kings Speech
10. Are you hot?
only because I have a winter duvet on the bed
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
soda water. just now.
12. What are you wearing right now?
the pink jarmies referred to in question 4
13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
we share
14. Last food that you ate?
a home made vietnamese spring roll. yum!
15. Where were you last week at this time?
the same place I am now
16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
oh yes. gorgeous shoes!
17. When is the last time you ran?
today - across the road to the shop for an icecream for my daughter
18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
my son's swimming on Friday
19. What is your favorite animal?
Giraffe - they just seem so....IMPLAUSIBLE!
20. Your dream vacation?
Alaska, Cuba, Greenland
21. Last person's house you were in?
my friend's. which used to be my house once.
22. Worst injury you've ever had?
2003 - arm broken in 3 places....slipped over when i bent to pick up my handbag...in the house mentioned above!
23. Have you been in love?
oh yes...delicious!
24. Do you miss anyone right now?
I do
25. Last play you saw?
The Little Red Hen....School production!
26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
It's no secret....my charm and wit speak for themselves (especially when paired with my humility)
27. What are your plans for tonight?
the night is almost done
28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?
MySpace? how old do you think I am!
29. Next trip you are going to take?
Nelson at Queens Birthday, well that's the plan
30. Ever go to camp?
oh so many times
31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
I wish
32. What do you want to know about the future?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Que Sera' sera'
33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
not right now
34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
next month
35. Where is your best friend?
too far away
36. How is your best friend?
awesome!
37. Do you have a tan?
somewhat
38. What are you listening to right now?
TV - some odd Australian drama
39. Do you collect anything?
words
40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
I couldn't possibly tell you
41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
speeding ticket 2 years ago (late for church!)
42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
often
43. What does your last text message say?
Came to see you but no one was home
44. Do you like hot sauce?
ick, no
45. Last time you took a shower?
3 days ago (I bathe....)
46. Do you need to do laundry?
desperately
47. What is your heritage?
Proud and multinational
48. Are you someone's best friend?
Am hugely happy and priviledged to say yes!
49. Are you rich?
in spirit, healthy and happiness
50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?
rare for me, i was asleep
Saturday, March 05, 2011
the pleasure in small things
As some will know, 8 year old daughter had her tonsils out on Wednesday. She's had a remarkable recovery and being a pretty amazing patient but I am also being fairly careful about how much she's doing in a day (this kid is the energiser bunny even on a bad day).
So for the past few days we have had lots of down time, and I've had to be a bit creative about how to fill it - so as not to get to dinner time and have spent half the day in front of a DVD.
We have played snakes n ladders, she 'taught' me to play UNO. We've set up a beauty spa in the bedroom, complete with a counter and booking diary at the door (it cost me $2 for nail polish!). We've walked to the shop in the rain...we've danced in the lounge...snuck chocolate from the pantry....read stories, written poems...all simple things but such pleasure to enjoy each others company. A couple of outings - the ubiquitous trip to the $2 shop, a fluffy at a cafe, the dvd store for emergency rations....to and from school (how strange having a companion to pick up youngest child!)...
and today my brother visited and I made pancakes which we devoured straight from the pan, dripping in maple syrup....
Even the pouring wet weather has not been enough to 'dampen spirits'. Umbrellas truly are beautiful pieces of technology!
So for the past few days we have had lots of down time, and I've had to be a bit creative about how to fill it - so as not to get to dinner time and have spent half the day in front of a DVD.
We have played snakes n ladders, she 'taught' me to play UNO. We've set up a beauty spa in the bedroom, complete with a counter and booking diary at the door (it cost me $2 for nail polish!). We've walked to the shop in the rain...we've danced in the lounge...snuck chocolate from the pantry....read stories, written poems...all simple things but such pleasure to enjoy each others company. A couple of outings - the ubiquitous trip to the $2 shop, a fluffy at a cafe, the dvd store for emergency rations....to and from school (how strange having a companion to pick up youngest child!)...
and today my brother visited and I made pancakes which we devoured straight from the pan, dripping in maple syrup....
Even the pouring wet weather has not been enough to 'dampen spirits'. Umbrellas truly are beautiful pieces of technology!
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
brain dumping
I was told recently that I had far too much in my head...that if I concentrated on using my legs and feet more, that the energy in my body would move around, and that as a result I might be calmer and thus sleep better.
Apparantly I was putting way too much energy into what was coming out my mouth and not enough into what was coming out of other parts of my body....(well that's what she said....!)
At the time, I must have looked pretty blank - this was about 3 weeks ago, and it is only now on reflection that I wonder if there might have been (just a tiny tiny tiny....) bit of truth in there. For sure since making a concerted effort to get to Ceroc every week, and ride my bike twice a week, I am rather more tired than I was, as the day ends. I have had quite a few late nights but I'm coping pretty well, not waking up feeling (completely) wrecked!
When I got home from my night out on Saturday I was on a total high - for sure I felt I was in a place where I was at my sparkliest happiest best - that's good, right!?!? There's truth in the maxim that to start moving forward we should go back and look (not reside!) at the place where we were once the happiest.
Always a high energy person, I didn't really understand what she meant (actually I'm not sure I do yet) but I DO understand that the energy I have can be directed in lots of different ways.
A friend observed recently that I appeared to be pretty happy with my life - yes that's true...I really am, it's just about how I want it to be (but not quite...)
The other side of this, is that in a - somewhat feeble - attempt to SHUT UP, there's stil a whole lot of random stuff bouncing around in my head....
like:
things in conversation that profoundly irritate me....people constantly retracking their statements with 'in saying that'......mispronunciation: somethink, ragland, proberly...being called Sue (you have been warned!)
bad spelling - cappuccino spelt wrong (why do kiwi cafes do this!); businesses that end their namez in z; kidz namez with stoopid spelling like Aiymee
daily frustrations....why can't I get i-tunes properly downloaded on my computer; why does coffee smell so much better than it actually tastes; why does it take the kids an hour just to get dressed and drink a glass of milk
the neverending to do list that seems to get longer not shorter - what is that about? I seem to be so much better at human doing than human being!
the continuing wrestling with big questions - why am i here, what is my mission?, what do i believe about the stuff that's bigger than my own life?
and the good stuff - time with friends and families, my work and interests, fond memories that just pop into my head without good reason, although often prompted by a certain smell or sound (my two strongest senses) - a song, a scent, sigh I'm there!
Apparantly I was putting way too much energy into what was coming out my mouth and not enough into what was coming out of other parts of my body....(well that's what she said....!)
At the time, I must have looked pretty blank - this was about 3 weeks ago, and it is only now on reflection that I wonder if there might have been (just a tiny tiny tiny....) bit of truth in there. For sure since making a concerted effort to get to Ceroc every week, and ride my bike twice a week, I am rather more tired than I was, as the day ends. I have had quite a few late nights but I'm coping pretty well, not waking up feeling (completely) wrecked!
When I got home from my night out on Saturday I was on a total high - for sure I felt I was in a place where I was at my sparkliest happiest best - that's good, right!?!? There's truth in the maxim that to start moving forward we should go back and look (not reside!) at the place where we were once the happiest.
Always a high energy person, I didn't really understand what she meant (actually I'm not sure I do yet) but I DO understand that the energy I have can be directed in lots of different ways.
A friend observed recently that I appeared to be pretty happy with my life - yes that's true...I really am, it's just about how I want it to be (but not quite...)
The other side of this, is that in a - somewhat feeble - attempt to SHUT UP, there's stil a whole lot of random stuff bouncing around in my head....
like:
things in conversation that profoundly irritate me....people constantly retracking their statements with 'in saying that'......mispronunciation: somethink, ragland, proberly...being called Sue (you have been warned!)
bad spelling - cappuccino spelt wrong (why do kiwi cafes do this!); businesses that end their namez in z; kidz namez with stoopid spelling like Aiymee
daily frustrations....why can't I get i-tunes properly downloaded on my computer; why does coffee smell so much better than it actually tastes; why does it take the kids an hour just to get dressed and drink a glass of milk
the neverending to do list that seems to get longer not shorter - what is that about? I seem to be so much better at human doing than human being!
the continuing wrestling with big questions - why am i here, what is my mission?, what do i believe about the stuff that's bigger than my own life?
and the good stuff - time with friends and families, my work and interests, fond memories that just pop into my head without good reason, although often prompted by a certain smell or sound (my two strongest senses) - a song, a scent, sigh I'm there!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
the limbo of helplessness
I doubt there is a person in NZ, or a NZ'er abroad for that matter, that hasn't been personally affected in some small, or big, way by the Christchurch earthquakes.
I wonder though, does everyone feel a sense of helplessness, or are we largely just getting on with life, not really fully understanding - or wanting to - the impact of it all? and is it in fact 'right' to go into mourning for this when there is so much life to be lived to the full right here in our own existences.
Do I, as a matter of respect, curtail some of my plans, or do I continue to live as I did yesterday and planned to tomorrow? Do I stay glued to the TV, keeping up with the news but also somehow compulsively drawn to the devastation, or just try to put it at the back of my mind and simply get on with the every day?
How can I actually help? Logging on to websites, listening to the updates, doesn't really cut it. Does giving money, even small amounts really make a difference?
The organisations I work for, both in the not-for-profit sector, both contributing directly to the welfare and (largely mental) health of families in Canterbury have given me some direction, i've contributed to some funds, made some phone calls, but is it enough...?
I do what I am able with the resources I have....and choose to be glad and thankful for my life here in my little town and all the blessings that go with it...
I wonder though, does everyone feel a sense of helplessness, or are we largely just getting on with life, not really fully understanding - or wanting to - the impact of it all? and is it in fact 'right' to go into mourning for this when there is so much life to be lived to the full right here in our own existences.
Do I, as a matter of respect, curtail some of my plans, or do I continue to live as I did yesterday and planned to tomorrow? Do I stay glued to the TV, keeping up with the news but also somehow compulsively drawn to the devastation, or just try to put it at the back of my mind and simply get on with the every day?
How can I actually help? Logging on to websites, listening to the updates, doesn't really cut it. Does giving money, even small amounts really make a difference?
The organisations I work for, both in the not-for-profit sector, both contributing directly to the welfare and (largely mental) health of families in Canterbury have given me some direction, i've contributed to some funds, made some phone calls, but is it enough...?
I do what I am able with the resources I have....and choose to be glad and thankful for my life here in my little town and all the blessings that go with it...
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
freestyle
a few days ago i was complaining about being bored. Later, it occurred to me that it wasn't so much boredom, as an over abundance of stuff that is all about other people and nothing that was actually nurturing my own soul. (let's not count reading books and doing crosswords and other home based stuff in here....although the Shelfari bookshelf down there suggests i spend a fair amount of time doing both!).
Now, don't get me wrong, I love doing things for and with other people, and especially with friends and family. but what i want is something that's MINE, all mine and won't require me to meet a deadline, supervise a child, clean up someone or something...isn't being done with an ulterior motive (i should do this, it's good for the brain/heart/fitness)...isn't the thing squeezed into the 11 pm and I can't sleep spot....something creative, that encompasses all I love...maybe with new people...maybe in the evening...maybe something I might even have to get a little dressed up for...
something to fill my heart with joy! that's what i needed!
Well sounds like a tall order, right? And, I thought I was pretty smart, so I simply can't believe it has taken me SO LONG to get back into my boogie shoes.
not the girls night out, leaping about to Dancing Queen kind of shoes (although I love that too....) but real, energetic, dance your socks off couple dancing...
I tried Zumba, it was good but not quite there. I did Jazz, much the same. The last partner-y type lessons I took were Irish ceili dancing (a kind of square dancing i guess) which I also just loved and were a great laugh although I don't think I had much natural talent in spite of my heritage!
Before that it was probably (dark recesses!) lambada...oh those really WERE the days!
ANYWAY, if you saw my FB profile you'll know, I went back! This time to Ceroc and I have to say it was brilliant...awesome teachers, great music and I think I did ok for a beginner (no one seemed to be limping after dancing with me...).It was run by addiction dance - just to give 'em a plug!.
I knew I was in the right place when the first two songs played were Usher - More, and Cry to Me from Dirty Dancing.
Tonight I hosted a freestyle party in the lounge - me and the children, some Black Eyed Peas...Jennifer Lopez (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=am6iCuPQIDQ)....Snap! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCAqao4pScQ)...awesome!
Can't wait for next time....
Now, don't get me wrong, I love doing things for and with other people, and especially with friends and family. but what i want is something that's MINE, all mine and won't require me to meet a deadline, supervise a child, clean up someone or something...isn't being done with an ulterior motive (i should do this, it's good for the brain/heart/fitness)...isn't the thing squeezed into the 11 pm and I can't sleep spot....something creative, that encompasses all I love...maybe with new people...maybe in the evening...maybe something I might even have to get a little dressed up for...
something to fill my heart with joy! that's what i needed!
Well sounds like a tall order, right? And, I thought I was pretty smart, so I simply can't believe it has taken me SO LONG to get back into my boogie shoes.
not the girls night out, leaping about to Dancing Queen kind of shoes (although I love that too....) but real, energetic, dance your socks off couple dancing...
I tried Zumba, it was good but not quite there. I did Jazz, much the same. The last partner-y type lessons I took were Irish ceili dancing (a kind of square dancing i guess) which I also just loved and were a great laugh although I don't think I had much natural talent in spite of my heritage!
Before that it was probably (dark recesses!) lambada...oh those really WERE the days!
ANYWAY, if you saw my FB profile you'll know, I went back! This time to Ceroc and I have to say it was brilliant...awesome teachers, great music and I think I did ok for a beginner (no one seemed to be limping after dancing with me...).It was run by addiction dance - just to give 'em a plug!.
I knew I was in the right place when the first two songs played were Usher - More, and Cry to Me from Dirty Dancing.
Tonight I hosted a freestyle party in the lounge - me and the children, some Black Eyed Peas...Jennifer Lopez (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=am6iCuPQIDQ)....Snap! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCAqao4pScQ)...awesome!
Can't wait for next time....
Sunday, February 20, 2011
love languages
I went to a work conference on Friday and we talked of the Love Languages. I work with preschoolers so it's really relevant. (for those who aren't familiar: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/). A lot of parents and carers aren't that comfortable, or even confident with using touch with their kids, and mainly music is the perfect forum to introduce this. The programme is popping up all over the world so it's working!
I had a thought...well actually I've had it before...
What if we speak more than one language - that is, perhaps the way we GIVE love is not necessarily the way we want to receive it? For example, my daughter's primary love language, as in how she like to receive love, and feel validated etc, is through quality time and gift giving. But in giving love, she tends to go with Words of Affirmation, and to a lesser degree, gift giving. My son is less complex (perhaps that's a boy thing), it's touch first and gifts second.
Me? Well I'm definitely not that good at the words, except with the children, and tend to gravitate towards quality time and gifts....I certainly think spending time with people is the best way to affirm them (show love?), and I do spend a lot of time thinking about the gifts I give. But as far as getting gifts - well it's nice, but i'm as happy with the $2 shop thing as the fancy stuff, and grand gestures don't really do a lot for me. A well timed txt, a phone call, a drop by visit, these I love receiving.
It takes a huge amount of trust for me to really get into the 'touch' stuff (although I may appear a very touchy feely kind of person) - but give it to me and I'll really love you for it. And it's kind of like chocolate, the more I eat the more I want! Similarly, I really appreciate acts of service but am better at giving that receiving!
Anyone need a hug?
I had a thought...well actually I've had it before...
What if we speak more than one language - that is, perhaps the way we GIVE love is not necessarily the way we want to receive it? For example, my daughter's primary love language, as in how she like to receive love, and feel validated etc, is through quality time and gift giving. But in giving love, she tends to go with Words of Affirmation, and to a lesser degree, gift giving. My son is less complex (perhaps that's a boy thing), it's touch first and gifts second.
Me? Well I'm definitely not that good at the words, except with the children, and tend to gravitate towards quality time and gifts....I certainly think spending time with people is the best way to affirm them (show love?), and I do spend a lot of time thinking about the gifts I give. But as far as getting gifts - well it's nice, but i'm as happy with the $2 shop thing as the fancy stuff, and grand gestures don't really do a lot for me. A well timed txt, a phone call, a drop by visit, these I love receiving.
It takes a huge amount of trust for me to really get into the 'touch' stuff (although I may appear a very touchy feely kind of person) - but give it to me and I'll really love you for it. And it's kind of like chocolate, the more I eat the more I want! Similarly, I really appreciate acts of service but am better at giving that receiving!
Anyone need a hug?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
hang on a minute!!!!
how can it be that despite being the busiest i've ever been (how is THAT even possible when i thought the same through last year....) - 3 jobs, two kids at school, the paper, mainly music, drama lessons, zumba, biking, playdates for kids, homegroup for the grownups, childcare for friends, girls nights, family nights, the community centre (hurrah passed that on today), learning new skills, redecorating...blah blah blah...and i still feel like....well like there's something missing?
and don't be thinking this is about the faith crisis either...it's just that I'm, well, I'm kind of bored. life is awesome, i couldn't ask for more, SHOULDn't ask for more, and yet I am. There's been one or two sparks of excitement for me of late and I realise I want MORE! How to articulate that? Don't know...don't want to really, but I have this feeling like I'm on the cusp of something exciting - it's just, barely, out of reach, out of sight, but I know it's there. Kind of like wanting some adventure or risk - and yet I am not a risk taker (any more!), barely into adventure in fact...
The wise friends advice varies from...be satisfied with what you have - to, set a goal! - to, visualise your new future! Hmmm, not sure which of those fits best!
So, out has come the journal - you know the place where one can write all the stuff that doesn't belong in the public forum of the internet. Hard questions, harder answers.
The internet, while I'm on the subject...what a strange place it brings us to. False intimacy, forced intimacy, projected intimacy with 'virtual' strangers - our close friends seem, somehow further away, or at least at a safe distance, and our new friends, or distant 'friends' become the ones who know the minutiae of our lives. A parallel existence, not altogether comfortable and yet we slip in and out of it more easily that the homes of the people we know best.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
lawn bowls
I sat in church this morning, looked around (a lot), mind wandered (a lot) and I wondered (quite a lot)...why am I here?
My motivation was that the new Vicar was preaching - I wanted to meet him since I kind of work for him now. It was just the Dancing Queen and I, since the little engineer had a better offer with his best mate at the Baptist church.
A couple celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary - instead of sharing 'the love' i felt just a wave of sadness - think it rather unlikely i will get to do the same, and whilst this is not something i dwell on i still have moments of 'sad' about it.
There was the usual talk about seeking Gods forgiveness for our wrongs - really? I thought...do I really truly think I need forgiveness? Jury is still out on that but I suspect my view on God is changing and shifting.
So, I posted on Facebook - as you'll know if you found this blog through there...and got an interesting response, comparing going to church with attending any other club.
it was a good analogy in some ways, although apart from the most devout of lawn bowls players, I suspect few people would get the comparison of religion (if i can dare call Christianity that) and a bowling club.
But, it got me thinking. What shape is God for me? I think perhaps not the form I have always just accepted - or gone along with. I'm not convinced that God (in the way we give him human characteristics to understand him) actually gives much of a damn about our day to day lives. I suspect He is rather indifferent in fact - i am almost nervous of writing this! - with far bigger fish to fry (or is that far less on his mind) that the trivia that fills most of our lives.
So, where to from here? Well it's a big question for me. I work in Ministry, paid ministry, which has at it's core the fundamentals of Christian belief - Jesus, sin, heaven and hell...so if I start to move away from those beliefs, can I in all honesty keep working for an organisation that is founded on them?
I doubt God cares either way - but would my boss?
Saturday, February 05, 2011
stuff it
Lots of conversations to be had at my place recently about 'stuff'. the stuff that lives in cupboards for just in case i need it...or that will come in handy....the stuff that accumulates in the wardrobes of children - every sticker/birthday invitation/christmas cracker prize/macdonalds toy since 2005....the condiments in the pantry bought for a special occasion...the clothes bought on sale and never worn...the trademe bargains of the year....the 3 dozen towels in the airing cupboard...oldt ehcnology, new technology, non-technology.
I have a theory - you knew I would! - that OFTEN we surround ourselves with stuff because we have 'stuff' that we haven't worked through on the inside.....stuff it! we think, i deserve this thing, it will make me happy. or....man i have lots of stuff, let's look at this stuff and move it around and then i'll have a bit of room for some more stuff....Until we reach a position of, eek! i have so much STUFF i don't know where to start to get rid of it...so i'll just stuff this new thing in here with this other stuff...
for those that have visited my house, you'll know that i am most definitely a less is more person. and yet even i constantly have a box on the go for excess stuff. few weeks would go by that i'm not delivering clothes to an opshop, or poking something else in the rubbish bin, or listing another piece of something on trademe.
So, due to popular demand, here's my tools for dealing with stuff....
1. start thinking about the big stuff...what's going on for you? do you feel overwhelmed by your stuff? is it head stuff, heart stuff, or things that clutter your house (I bet there's a bit of each in there)
2. decide on one thing, one room, one issue and start there. eg stuff going on for you about how you feel about the way you look? then start with your wardrobe - or if that's too scary, your makeup bag. or, if you often stress about what you eat, start with the pantry. if you nag your kids heaps about cleaning up their own messes, start with their room.
3. be organised. get banana boxes from the supermarket. these are better than bags because as you're putting things in them you can still see it (I'm not that mean, there's always room to change you mind with this system). get 4 boxes. put labels on them:
a. chuck b. give away c. mend/repair d. might come in handy one day but doesn't need to live in this particular space - hereon called the mcih box
4. set time aside for this. allow 2 hours for first cull. ideally when there's noone else around so you're not being influenced by kids or significant others in your decisions. they'll get their say at a later date.
5. pick your startpoint (see above). put the boxes out and get going. go with first instinct and don't dither (time for that later). when the space is sorted it will look awesome and you'll probably have bulging boxes.
6. take the boxes to another location (so you're not tempted to put everything back straight away). now is the time to have another (quick) look over. get rid of the chuck box into the bin straight away. put the give away box aside to sort through for appropriate recipients. look at the mend and repair - how long have those things been broken? 6 months or more? will repair actually make the thing serviceable? is it going to cost anything - in $$ - to achieve this? would in fact, it be better to chuck?
finally the mcih box....how long have you been mcihing this? more than 6 months? could you buy this thing at a future date if you REALLY needed it? could it be recycled into something else? or be mcih for someone else? would it in fact, be better to chuck?
7. Put the broken/repair box and the mcih box lids on. and put those boxes far far away from your living spaces - perhaps the garage? add to them as required but do not look at them otherwise for at least 3 months. i bet you forget about them. i bet the kids don't ask for the broken thing. i bet not one thing comes in handy.... when those boxes are full...chuck em....
i do this about twice a year. it now takes me less than a day to do the whole house. the benenfits are huge....
- less stuff to move
- less stuff to clean
- less stuff to nag the kids about cleaning up
- spend way less money as i don't want more stuff anymore
- more headspace to deal with the important stuff
as if by osmosis my children get the stuff idea...they are both happy to take part in a stuff-it session.
I made $400 on trademe last month, selling my stuff
i have so much more energy for the stuff that matters....
Monday, October 04, 2010
action stations
Spring has sprung...how awesome to have some sun for more than just a couple of hours at a time. It's been all systems go here - spring cleaning, weedspraying, sorting through summer clothes, moving furniture...i knew i'd gone a step too far when today, while waiting for my dinner to cook, i found myself cleaning the interior of the freezer (just to fill in some time...eeek)
Sunday, September 19, 2010
stormy weather
An analogy for life, this mad and unpredictable weather we're having right now...the promise of a sunny day, invariably stolen and replaced with rain, wind and today, hail...
One week out from school holidays and I am desperate for the term to end. We have had a seemingly neverending run of tonsilitis, tummy bugs, coughs, colds, and nits. meetings here, donations there, cakes to bake for fundraising, newsletters to write, real work to do....
On the upside, the days are stretching out, which means (well, when the weather improves) time to be outside after dinner, breakfast on the deck in the sun, leisurely walks in the sun to the icecream shop...The children are becoming friends more and more with each day as they seem to get closer together in age (does that make sense?)...they are enjoying some similar activities, can play a board game or cards with proficiency, have scooter races, beat me at said card game, bring me breakfast in bed...
I read an old blog of mine tonight, where I considered the authenticity of my values - yep i'm still a bit of a plastic sandle and candle girl (I think that's kind of like doing semi-conscious parenting...), but i'm getting there. the vege garden is full, there's blossom on the fruit trees, the mending pile is actually almost non existent, there's a promising collection of books on my nighttable.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Motherhood
This week I watched 'Motherhood' a movie starring Uma Thurman about a day in the life of a mother in NYC - she's a blogger, has two kids, a bike with a flat tire and a birthday party to organise. it wasn't even a great movie but it really resonated - it was so easy for me to identify with her.
I have referred to myself sometimes as a 'semi-conscious' kind of mother - you know, I WANT to be TV free but i'm not quite there yet, my kids should eat healthily but I still sometimes put chips in the lunchbox, I like cotton sheets and woolen jumpers - but polyester and fleece just wash and dry so much easier!...
Lately I've been reading www.Flylady.net... www.destitutegourmet.com...www.simplesavings.co.nz - there are heaps of inspiring stories and ideas (yeah some of them are mind...) but I've decided that most are an ideal not a reality - so much easier to think this way and then less chance of feeling inadequate - we women are pretty tough on ourselves and each other anyway!
nevertheless, here's my bits of wisdom and tight-assing for this week:
held a babyshower for a friend having her 4th baby, who SO doesn't need anymore 'stuff'. So, on the advice of another friend this is what we did:
instead of a gift, each person brought a frozen meal for her to keep for D-week.
instead of huge amounts of food (although there actually was) with hours of preparation, I made 2 fondues - a cheese/wine and a chocolate. Each guest brough something to dip.
Easy as.
Secondly, I've started my Christmas shopping...yeah I know...I sell Avon and buy from the bargain bin for distributors, take advantage of all the free with purchase offers, make a trip to the $2 shop about 4 times a year and spend say $20, and keep my present box (an old suitcase) topped up. The kids can 'shop' from here for birthday presents too - it's easy because I'm not having to monitor the money they're spending and I know everything in there is 'appropriate'! And now I'm about 75% done, just the foodie type stuff to get right near Christmas. feeling smug...
Sunday, June 20, 2010
whatsfordinnermum wiki
well what a marketing gimmick that was...like i will pay $5 a week to put up stuff i can put here for free...
like todays lunch....
pumpkin soup: I put about 2 inches of water and a tbsp of chicken stock in the crockput. chopped up a whole pumpkin (seamus and stewart watched me in horror as i used a carving knife to do it), added 4 cloves of squashed garlic, and 3 big rashers of bacon, not cooked but finely shredded. let it bubble away all day then put my stick mixer through it (my favourite kitchen tool). served with a swirl of cream today . yum...
Tuna fishcakes with oven fries
Cut large spuds into chunky oven chips. Put into a baking dish with a bit of oil. Slosh around a bit and then put in the oven, turned onto highest temp. These need to be watched but will cook from cold in about 40 minutes.
Meanwhile....
Into a bowl place
1 tin of tuna in olive oil or half a tin drained tin salmon
2 table spoons or so of chopped herbs - tonight i used coriander which I had prechopped in the freezer*
1 egg
a shake of pepper and salt and any other herb you feel like. Tonight I used celery salt and a squirt of lemon juice.
enough dried or fresh breadcrumbs to absorb all the liquid
Mix it up and leave to stand about 15 minutes or until firm-ish.
About 10 minutes before chips are ready, form the fish mixture into little balls (squeeze well or it'll fall apart) and pan fry in a bit of oil til crispy.
Because i was really lazy, tonight I served this with whole tinned tomatoes, heated in the microwave. The ones in thick sauce are best.
If i buy a big bunch of herbs or one of those living herb pots, as soon as i've used what i need on the day, I chop the whole lot, and put it into a small box in the freezer, then it's free flow ready to go any time and doesn't need thawing.
As soon as i have stale bread, especially crusty bread, i chop it into bits and put it in a zip lock bag in the freezer. take out what you need and grate or crumble while frozen to make easy fresh breadcrumbs for cooking or topping things. **
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
reflections
ever looked in the mirror and simply been horrified at what looked back at you?
Listening to the sermon on intimacy with God, preached by (she says ever so proudly) my lovely man last Sunday, I couldn't help but think about how my faith is reflected in my everyday life...and consequently, having to consider that actually, sometimes, in fact a lot of the time, the way i am in 'real life' doesn't really reflect how I am 'on the inside' - or at least how I strive to be.
For example, the inner me is calm, peaceful, takes joy in the detail, works tirelessly and uncomplainingly. The outer me freaks out on a regular basis, is boisterous, bossy, big picture, and loves moaning (well maybe not but I do it often, and loudly).
Is this the me I want to see reflected for the world to see? Oh no no no...but what to do about it?
Still working on that one.
In the meantime, I guess I'll have another chamomile tea (yeah alright, another glass of wine...) and suck my tummy in another 2 inches...
Friday, August 21, 2009
simplify, simplify
It's the new great fashion in life coaching.... clear out the house and make room for good things to come into your life.
I have my own theory (of course I have!) which has, I am shocked to discover, been stolen by less wise mortals like Oprah, and Dr Phil, and the Good Morning show. Clear out the physical rubbish, and the spiritual rubbish will follow. There's nothing more liberating (for me anyway), that having a good sort out, giving away stuff, and creating space. And that applies to the physical, the mental, the spiritual.
Around 6 weeks ago I went on a real binge, figure I gave away maybe 4 trailer loads of 'stuff'. Emptied folders on the computer, sorted the towel cupboard, went through my makeup bag...you name it. Ended, painfully, a wonderful, timeconsuming, but ultimately doomed friendship. All the while, I think, subconsciously preparing myself for something big and truly amazing to come into my life.
And it has.
Hallelulujah!!!!
Friday, August 07, 2009
The midlife faith crisis
It seems to me that everyone I have spoken with (on a meaningful level) in the past 6 months or so is going through some kind of faith crisis... either feeling disenfranchised or emasculated by the formal church structure (that's the minor stuff!) or seriously questioning their own belief set.
Not that any of us are questioning the existence of God, the credibility of the Bible, or any of those really fundamental issues...it's more the 'life' questions.... - where does the discipline and habit of going to church fit into my life? - do I have to do this to help grow as a Christian? - What am I getting from it (and what can I give?) - Are there some big questions that aren't being answered?
A discussion today with two long-time Christians, both in ministry, didn't really come up with any conclusions, other than to suggest that the 'church' (as in the corporate or community sense) is probably not meeting the needs of people like me, and those mentioned above. Men feel unsure of their place, women feel stressed because they are balancing their home life and church life (often without the support of a partner), singles feel alone, the recently, and not so recently separated feel unsupported.
Where do we begin to address this? Perhaps the first step is to remember that the Christian walk is, by and large, a plod...day by day, no great epiphanies, no amazing events to speak of most of the time - just daily miracles (that we made it through the day?!), taking joy from the everyday. Secondly, reminding ourselves that it is right and normal to challenge long held views, even Biblical to do so.
As long as (and this is the key I think) we are prepared to view them in light of our own faith and journey - and then step up to do something about it. Thirdly, acknowledging that no-one is perfect, not least 'the church' and so we don't really have the right to pick and choose the bits we want to keep or discard. Viewing it as an overall experience and opportunity for growth is of more value that identifying the bits we don't like or want and using that as a reason not to get involved Lastly, but challenging, and possibly discarding the dogma, and meaningless ritual we can so easily get immersed in (sometimes quite grudgingly), and start to think of our faith in real, personal terms.
How do we do that? By acknowledging our shortcomings, really studying ourselves and identifying our gifts, testing all things, and being open to God working in our lives in a minute by minute way. I need to think, really think about what I beleive in, what are my deal breakers, what can I offer others, what are my limits? Remember that God is with me even when it doesn't feel that way, that just because I am, on a particular day, feeling cross with Him, or separate to Him, does not mean that He is not there, waiting for me to look to Him.
Surround myself with likeminded people, feel my soul, nourish my spirit, stretch my mind. Have spirited and honest discussions but not be swayed by the opinions of others. Measure myself daily....
Not that any of us are questioning the existence of God, the credibility of the Bible, or any of those really fundamental issues...it's more the 'life' questions.... - where does the discipline and habit of going to church fit into my life? - do I have to do this to help grow as a Christian? - What am I getting from it (and what can I give?) - Are there some big questions that aren't being answered?
A discussion today with two long-time Christians, both in ministry, didn't really come up with any conclusions, other than to suggest that the 'church' (as in the corporate or community sense) is probably not meeting the needs of people like me, and those mentioned above. Men feel unsure of their place, women feel stressed because they are balancing their home life and church life (often without the support of a partner), singles feel alone, the recently, and not so recently separated feel unsupported.
Where do we begin to address this? Perhaps the first step is to remember that the Christian walk is, by and large, a plod...day by day, no great epiphanies, no amazing events to speak of most of the time - just daily miracles (that we made it through the day?!), taking joy from the everyday. Secondly, reminding ourselves that it is right and normal to challenge long held views, even Biblical to do so.
As long as (and this is the key I think) we are prepared to view them in light of our own faith and journey - and then step up to do something about it. Thirdly, acknowledging that no-one is perfect, not least 'the church' and so we don't really have the right to pick and choose the bits we want to keep or discard. Viewing it as an overall experience and opportunity for growth is of more value that identifying the bits we don't like or want and using that as a reason not to get involved Lastly, but challenging, and possibly discarding the dogma, and meaningless ritual we can so easily get immersed in (sometimes quite grudgingly), and start to think of our faith in real, personal terms.
How do we do that? By acknowledging our shortcomings, really studying ourselves and identifying our gifts, testing all things, and being open to God working in our lives in a minute by minute way. I need to think, really think about what I beleive in, what are my deal breakers, what can I offer others, what are my limits? Remember that God is with me even when it doesn't feel that way, that just because I am, on a particular day, feeling cross with Him, or separate to Him, does not mean that He is not there, waiting for me to look to Him.
Surround myself with likeminded people, feel my soul, nourish my spirit, stretch my mind. Have spirited and honest discussions but not be swayed by the opinions of others. Measure myself daily....
Monday, July 13, 2009
knocked sideways
I have often talked of the past year or two of my life as being my 'Jonah' experience. I stamped my foot and raged at God, spent quite some time in the fish's stomach, and was finally washed up on a new and beautiful shore.
The island certainly had it's dangers (don't they all) but I have felt an ongoing peace that I was, at last, on God's path. To that end, I have launched myself into growing in my Christian life, catching up on 15 years of average-ness in Him. Surrounded by others who could support me and I could support, I have seen myself grow and flourish in the past few months. By concentrating on how I could best serve God, I have met some amazing people, been instrument in some minor miracles, and felt God's presence like never before.
It has been an amazing experience for me and there have been many lessons along the way, some uncomfortable, but not many as challenging as the one I face now. By nature a trusting person (perhaps too much so), I tend to rule with emotion and probably would consider myself more of a giver than a taker, sometimes to my own detriment.
I have this week been confronted with something I never, ever thought I would. And it has completely knocked me for six. Wise counsel has got me no closer to understanding why I am in the situation I am now in, and I can only conclude that this is a 'human' experience that I have been subjected to and not a Godly one. It is hard to understand why God has allowed me to be ripped from the sense of peace and security I thought I was enveloped in. I had with earnest heart asked Him to protect me from this very thing, and truly believed that He was doing so.
Because many people are affected by this experience, not just me, and that is the hardest part to bear. Re-reading through an article by Blaine Smith (nehemiah.gospelcom.net/perfect2.htm) I have to conclude - just because I think something might be perfect for me doesn't mean that God does - I have no control over the behaviours of others - sometimes crappy stuff just happens and it's what we do as a result of that, that counts. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, and and it is hard not to take personal rejection, personally!
I have spent much of the past 4 days crying out to Him, and asking for His peace. There have been moments when I have truly felt this surround me, and others when it seems I may never find it.
The island certainly had it's dangers (don't they all) but I have felt an ongoing peace that I was, at last, on God's path. To that end, I have launched myself into growing in my Christian life, catching up on 15 years of average-ness in Him. Surrounded by others who could support me and I could support, I have seen myself grow and flourish in the past few months. By concentrating on how I could best serve God, I have met some amazing people, been instrument in some minor miracles, and felt God's presence like never before.
It has been an amazing experience for me and there have been many lessons along the way, some uncomfortable, but not many as challenging as the one I face now. By nature a trusting person (perhaps too much so), I tend to rule with emotion and probably would consider myself more of a giver than a taker, sometimes to my own detriment.
I have this week been confronted with something I never, ever thought I would. And it has completely knocked me for six. Wise counsel has got me no closer to understanding why I am in the situation I am now in, and I can only conclude that this is a 'human' experience that I have been subjected to and not a Godly one. It is hard to understand why God has allowed me to be ripped from the sense of peace and security I thought I was enveloped in. I had with earnest heart asked Him to protect me from this very thing, and truly believed that He was doing so.
Because many people are affected by this experience, not just me, and that is the hardest part to bear. Re-reading through an article by Blaine Smith (nehemiah.gospelcom.net/perfect2.htm) I have to conclude - just because I think something might be perfect for me doesn't mean that God does - I have no control over the behaviours of others - sometimes crappy stuff just happens and it's what we do as a result of that, that counts. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, and and it is hard not to take personal rejection, personally!
I have spent much of the past 4 days crying out to Him, and asking for His peace. There have been moments when I have truly felt this surround me, and others when it seems I may never find it.
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