emotional kryptonite

  

Yesterday we had cartoons on the TV, and there was a Batman/Superman/Spiderman thing the children were watching.  My daughter commented she likes Superman - but also Hulk.  It seemed to be about being strong and brave.  So it got me to wondering about how I could relate these ''superhero'' qualities to the values and characteristics I have been trying to work on with my kids.


As I have mentioned over at my other blog as well, there's been a lot of talk at my house of late about hurt and forgiveness.  These are big concepts to grasp, especially for children. And so I had been trying to work out how to get these ideas into practical terms for my 9 year old (in particular) to understand.  We've talked about how being angry is like letting someone mean live in your head.  We've talked about how forgiving someone makes your heart feel lighter.

The superhero thing suddenly made a whole lot more sense.  And in particular I was thinking about what super-qualities might apply to anger.  There it was:  Forgiveness is like kryptonite to conquer anger.   I talked about this with my daughter last night, as she is currently wrestling with the idea of having to forgive someone who hurt her deeply as a very young child.  She says she's almost afraid to do it -  I think perhaps she feels that the anger gives her some power over her thoughts and reactions to that person.

I left the ideas with her, reassuring her that it was not something that might happen easily, and nor would the feelings magically disappear - but that by applying her ''kryptonite of forgiveness'' to the angry feelings, she could take some of the sting out of them.  She understood and promised to think about it.

Keep you posted

shut up

ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife...

Somewhat ironic to be using a blog - the home of opinion and freedom to express - to pontificate on the benefits of shutting up, but there it is...

I often joke, semi-seriously, that my maxim for life is that it is easier to seek forgiveness than to ask permission.  I have to say, that mostly, that works for me.  Mainly because I have this annoying habit - oops, I mean underdeveloped skill - of saying or doing what comes to me, rather than spending a whole lot of time planning and thinking before acting.  On the other hand, I truly excel at looking back in retrospect and agonising with great embarrassment over why I did or said something!  (this is usually followed by afore mentioned seeking of forgiveness, or even more rash act as vain attempt to assuage guilt for first rash act!).

And I talk for a living, pretty much, so I've well and truly got in the habit of sharing what's in my head and heart. (Although don't be decieved..I might be noisy but I am still a pretty private person).

So, what's to be done about it.  I think the realisation I've come to is that rather than jumping in boots and all - and consequently coming across as scary redhead girl, I probably just need to learn to shut up more.

Which brings me to the second irony...people tell me stuff.  I delight in sharing peoples trials and tribulations.  And I know things that I wish I didn't.  There are husbands of friends that I can't look in the eye.  Damn, there are FRIENDS I sometimes can't look in the eye!!! That said,  I love that people feel safe to tell me things. And know that they won't go any further than me.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  So, I figure that at least some of the time I must be good at listening - ergo, good at shutting up.

So how come, when zipping it is most crucial, I can't help but share?  Yep, I can wear my heart on my sleeve - it will probably be to my eternal detriment that I'm not a game player...I'm told that this is the way of the world and most people like a little challenge, especially in the male/female relationship arena.  I also have a loathing of broken relationship - I truly cannot bear being on the wrong side of a friend, or having unresolved conflict - hence my tendency to over analyse and often be the first to seek restitution (sometimes before the dust is even settled).  

What's the right course of action here?  Should we be honest...transparent...and forthright...or is it sometimes better to be reticent and even taciturn at times?

Should I just learn to shut up?

lawn bowls

I sat in church this morning, looked around (a lot), mind wandered (a lot) and I wondered (quite a lot)...why am I here?

My motivation was that the new Vicar was preaching - I wanted to meet him since I kind of work for him now. It was just the Dancing Queen and I, since the little engineer had a better offer with his best mate at the Baptist church.

A couple celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary - instead of sharing 'the love' i felt just a wave of sadness - think it rather unlikely i will get to do the same, and whilst this is not something i dwell on i still have moments of 'sad' about it.

There was the usual talk about seeking Gods forgiveness for our wrongs - really? I thought...do I really truly think I need forgiveness? Jury is still out on that but I suspect my view on God is changing and shifting.

So, I posted on Facebook - as you'll know if you found this blog through there...and got an interesting response, comparing going to church with attending any other club.

it was a good analogy in some ways, although apart from the most devout of lawn bowls players, I suspect few people would get the comparison of religion (if i can dare call Christianity that) and a bowling club.

But, it got me thinking. What shape is God for me? I think perhaps not the form I have always just accepted - or gone along with. I'm not convinced that God (in the way we give him human characteristics to understand him) actually gives much of a damn about our day to day lives. I suspect He is rather indifferent in fact - i am almost nervous of writing this! - with far bigger fish to fry (or is that far less on his mind) that the trivia that fills most of our lives.

So, where to from here? Well it's a big question for me. I work in Ministry, paid ministry, which has at it's core the fundamentals of Christian belief - Jesus, sin, heaven and hell...so if I start to move away from those beliefs, can I in all honesty keep working for an organisation that is founded on them?

I doubt God cares either way - but would my boss?