needs must - the curse of closing the sale

Back when I was working in sales training, I used to talk a lot about needs and wants.  Supposedly there's a world of difference - what a customer wants is not necessarily what they need.  The difference was defined as being about emotional satisfaction, and it is the job of the salesperson to ''meet the need'' rather than the want. For example, you want to feel secure, therefore you need insurance. You want to feel important? You need a later model car.  You want to feel successful - you should find a challenging and satisfying job. We live in a world where we think a product can solve every problem. A neat and tidy solution, that's what the salesperson wants.

I now don't think it's that complicated - in fact I think that its more likely that needs and wants are, in their simplest form, the same. Sure the ''product'' that is offered might vary - the solution can be packaged differently but ultimately isn't it the same thing? I want this thing, need this thing - at the moment of the first decision it's all the same. I want to feel important therefore I need to feel important. I want a satisfying job therefore I need a satisfying job.

I spoke to a friend yesterday who works incredibly hard. I said, if there was one thing you could have that you don't, what would it be, and she said ''time''.  So using, that example, she wants time, she needs time.  Sure you can dress it up with she wants time because she needs to relax/have a holiday/bake a cake, but its all the same to me.

A child wants the attention of an adult - its that simple.  Mummy I need you or Mummy I want you - all the same. Its base human emotion, not some complicated formula that separates out problems and solutions.

So often, particularly when relating to human relationships, we hear ''what I need is''. And the standard response is: just because that's what you think you want, doesn't mean that's what you need''.  I say rubbish. If someone wants a particular outcome, then for them, at that time, it's what they need.  Unpack it for sure, see what motivates you - does the child want attention/reassurance/love, does the customer want to feel important/valued/acknowledged - it's all the same to me.

I want coffee, therefore I need coffee.  So what? Surely we don't need to go much deeper than that- generally at our first gut reaction to something we are not thinking about consequence - even if logic or reason comes later, it's not there at the beginning. (eg just because I want coffee at 11 pm doesn't mean its a good idea, but at the time, coffee is what was wanted AND needed).

I think we do ourselves a huge injustice if we attempt to solve the problem of someone Else's needs and wants without considering the two concepts together. The salesperson is simply that - selling a solution they believe will fix the need, rather than the want, of the client.  Listening to what your customer is saying is of course important - and vital if you are to help with the RIGHT solution of course, however if the customer tells you they want a 40 inch TV, then no amount of convincing them that what they need is a 30 inch one - or a projector - is going to make the slightest difference.  And rightly or wrongly, in the moment, which is how most of us live, it's the 40 incher that has our attention.  Absolutely there's an almost 100% chance they will go home and realise the salesperson was right all along - but that is their discovery to make, not the role of the salesperson to help them avoid the ''mistake'' in the first place, surely.

Of course what you want might right now not be good for you or the right decision.  In fact it probably isn't, in the long term. That's the things with wants and needs. Because they are so close together its almost impossible to separate them until after the event. To stick with the TV idea, it could create a whole other chain of events - can you afford it, can you fit it in your house, will it replace something else valuable. But in our ''want it now need it now'' society, we almost always go with want over need anyway.

And another offshoot outcome from this concept is this: by allowing ourselves to rely on someone else to provide us with a solution, we can then easily extract ourselves from the consequences. He made me buy that TV, even though in the end it wasn't quite what I wanted. My career counsellor encouraged me into that job, even though I wasn't quite sure.  So the upside - or downside, depending on your perspective - is that by going with your own definition of what you need and want, you have to also be prepared to take on board the consequences of your own actions.

So if I say, what I want right now is a double espresso, then maybe that's what I need too.  And I'm not sure that its the baristas job to dissuade me from buying it in the first place.  If I'm awake until Thursday, then it is up to me to deal with that, and ensure next time I buy decaf. Or not.

Your thoughts?

decisions decisions

Today I am feeling a little calmer than I did yesterday.  Yesterday I felt a little crazier than the day before.
Last week I didn't know which direction I was looking in.

I've got a lot going on you see, and am feeling like there's some major life decisions looming - and to be honest I'm nervous about facing them.  Thanks to the relative insecurity of my (otherwise terrific) job, I am seriously considering seeking new employment.  One child is fast approaching a potential school change as she is in Year 6.  The ridiculous size of my mortgage is leaving me feeling financially strapped.  I just had a mountain of blood tests and if the Doctors supposition turns out to be correct there's going to be some major lifestyle changes happening right here.  My car is making all kinds of scary noises and asking (more and more vociferously) to be be retired to trade-in heaven.

Life is good, don't get me wrong, but like most people, it seems that sometimes all the ''stuff'' happens at once and appears in an insurmountable pile that demands attention, right now.

I've often used the expression ''sometimes not making a decision is the right decision''.  That's worked out OK for me up until now, but I'm getting closer and closer to the point of ultimatum.  My right brain tendencies suggest that I'll make a list of pros and cons, get some specialist advice, be rational.  The usually stifled left brain arrangement means I'll most likely ignore my gut instincts.  Ahhh decisions, why are you so difficult to communicate with!?!?

How do you make decisions?  Once made do you stick with them or do you tend to prevaricate until there's no time left?

emotional IQ

I belong to a women's discussion group.  It started as a bible study actually but over the past couple of years has evolved rather.  We've been meeting every week for three years and the width and breadth of conversation is vast.  There's some rules - what's said there stays there...no one is wrong...listen without judgement...be honest in opinion.

It works incredibly well and have given all of us a ''voice'' when often as full time parents/volunteers/partners/employees we do not feel our true selves are being heard or even acknowledged.

Yesterday we talked about decision making and how we spend our time.  There was much talk of how easy it is to get caught up with a cause and then discover that not only are we unable to change the issue, but that time that could have been spend well elsewhere has been gobbled up in stress and worry.

We also touched on the idea that as we get older (average age in the group is 40) we become so much better - we hope - at being able to make decisions based on a bigger picture.  The job that seemed the be-all-and-end-all at 30 is now simply a stepping stone to the future.  The study we always wanted to complete seems less, or more, important.  

We decided that the key was to identify the things that were of value. Sometimes the thing that is of value is doing nothing, or eating too much chocolate, or whiling a day away with a book.  And other times its being really focused on a task or project or cause.  What counts is giving each thing the credit it deserves.  Not feeling guilty about how much energy it takes, but also knowing when it is time to say ''enough!!"'.

Yes, it's about having the emotional intelligence to recognise what motivates us - or demotivates us.  Paralysis by analysis is rooted in fear not an inability to make decisions.  sometimes, we decided, you simply have to make a decision and go with it.  And then be brave enough to change course if it doesn't work out.  Or admit it wasn't a great decision and move on.  Or, wonder of wonders, enjoy the success of actually acting on your decisions.

Sure everything we do involves risk.  That's the trade off for stepping out and following hearts and dreams.

What decisions are you facing right now?  Are the big, important, small, still important?

Are you brave enough to feel the fear and do it anyway?

priorities and other stuff that's important

For the past day and a bit I have been at a training conference for my one my jobs.  Yep, I have more than one. I have 4 in fact, and to date I have juggled them fairly successfully, as long as I work on a just-in-time model and largely operate in the ''important and urgent'' quadrant!

My new boss, only in the job a few weeks, and this was the first time he had met his team en masse, spoke this morning on the topic of priority.  It was a devotional-focused session, and several times he said ''this is what I'm hearing/learning/having revealed to me.  And each time that happened I thought ''me too''.


You see, I have been really considering if it is sustainable to get four (income producing) balls in the air.  I'm worried that one thing is taking priority over another.  That in fact some things don't get the priority they deserve.  Including my family.  My work includes after hours time on the phone or computer.  The kids don't get that, even though the pay off is that I am home for them every day after school.

I arrived back to collect my children, being cared for by grandparents, after 18 hours of learning and discussion and very little sleep, and 2 1/2 hours on the motorway, to find my son ill.  I didn't even take my shoes off and was straight to the hospital where I learned he had an infection in a cut on his foot which had turned septic and was making him quite ill.   I had been checking the foot each day, but in a cursory way it must be said.  And that kind of thing happens quickly.  I was reassured by the Dr it was ''boy stuff'' and he was given a tetanus shot and some antibiotics.  It gave me a fright.

This evening I realised again that I need to deliberate the issue thoroughly.And soon.   And then be deliberate in my actions.

It's a tough question and one I know is demanding an answer of me and soon: what are your priorities and what do you need to do to get them in the right order?   I've got a feeling that the answer is going to be a bit painful and uncomfortable to address.  I know that I don't WANT to give up anything I do.  But I also know that I NEED to in order to manage - no, honour, my priorities.

How about you? What are your priorities? Do you feel they get the time and attention they deserve?

decisions decisions decisions

Definition of AMBIVALENCE

1

: simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings (as attraction and repulsion) toward an object, person, or action

2

a : continual fluctuation (as between one thing and its opposite)b : uncertainty as to which approach to follow

— am·biv·a·lent adjective

— am·biv·a·lent·ly adverb

I have found myself using the word ''ambivalent'' way too much lately. In this part of the world it is often used to mean ''i don't really care one way or the other" but I mean it in its true sense of being conflicted - having two opposing views about something.

I use it partly because I like it as a word, but also because I do seem to have been faced with a number of things - both big and small and in between - where I have had two differing directions of thought.

My FDH used to say I spent half my life weighing up pros and cons and was incapable of making a decision based on gut reaction and I think he may have been right.  I've got better at it, and the truth is of course, that if I listen to my inner voice (really truly listen), I know exactly what my opinion is, or what decision I ought to make.  It's just that I am an expert at weighing up consequences and trying to be balanced with outcomes.  It must be a hangover from my days of Banking! 

Why is it that we don't trust our inner voice?  Do we fear being wrong? Being right?  Being perceived as opinionated or inflexible?

What decisions do you dither about?  Which do you find easy to make, and which are easier to deviate from?    

When you make a decision that turns out to be the ''wrong'' one (and I use that term loosely) do you find it easy to forgive yourself?  Are you able to change direction?

Reason - Gut feeling - Fact...What drives you? 

free your mind! (and the rest will follow...)

I couldn't believe it - there in my news feed today, a blog I read has a post on simple thought (http://mnmlist.com/) - the very topic for this, part 3 of the 'stuff it!'series.

I made a decision about 10 years ago to stop drinking instant coffee. There were several reasons - one, I felt I was drinking too much coffee and figured if I cut out instant it would be more effort, and therefore less frequent, to drink espresso.  Secondly, it doesn't actually taste very nice. And thirdly, it quite appealed to me to have just that one option when it came to coffee.   I've refined that even more now and only ever drink plunger coffee at home, and a simple flat white when I'm out.  

I agree that it is good to try new things, and that there is pleasure and adventure in experimenting with new thoughts, tastes, experiences, - and that it is easy to get 'stuck' when doing the same things day in day out.  But the appeal of the simplicity of narrow choice holds great appeal for me too.  Again, not at the cost of being boring, or inflexible, but certainly for the freedom it affords.

For example, by just only ever drinking one kind of coffee, I like that I know what I'm going to get, I like that i don't have to umm and ahh in a shop.  I am scarcely an alcohol drinker, but invariably choose Pinot Noir - it goes with most things, I know what I'm getting, it takes away the umming and aahing!

I've simplified lots of things from the 'çonsumable"" part of my life (which of course still leaves plenty of room for adventure and experimentation elsewhere!).   The same brands of certain foods over and over again.  Makes for a quick shop!  The same petrol station, ditto.  I follow '"Trinny and Susannahs'" ( rules when shopping for clothes - boy does that make life simpler! http://www.bbc.co.uk/lifestyle/tv_and_radio/what_not_to_wear/whattowear_index.shtml

It's about being smart.  taking the boring, mind cluttering stuff away so that your time, thoughts and energies can be focused on the things you love.

Some other ideas I've heard of - always buying the same colour towels.  Deliberately avoiding newspapers and  (especially) glossy circulars - a right royal source of TMI if ever there was one!  Get rid of all your cookbooks bar the one or two you actually use all the time.  Put all bills on automatic payment/direct debit so that's one more thing that doesn't have to be thought about.  Paying everything by the week or fortnight can work too - as well as being able to budget better, there's no worrying about massive annual insurance or rates bills.

I've long held to the view (and obviously Oprah heard it from me...) that if you have lots of stuff in your physical life, it can be representative of the stuff in your spiritual/emotion life that needs sorting.  Conversely, having a sorted head (metaphorically speaking) may well show itself  as an orderly outer life.  (Yes this is a broad generalisation but I'm just putting it out there....)

And so, the fewer unnecessary decisions we need to make about trivial things on a day to day basis, the better i reckon!

I like mnmlist.  I love the idea of living simply.  I do my best and I reckon I'm doing an OK job (although there's always room for improvement...just keep away from my sock drawer....).