A midlife crisis is a great thing and it’s about time we
celebrated it!
For too long the midlife
crisis has been confined to cliche reasons for 50 year old guys having an
affair with a 24 year old, buying a sports car, or deserting a relationship
with no hint or warning. Sure, these
symptoms can have something to do with it, but maybe if we celebrated the
crisis a bit earlier on, it might not result in destructive behaviour.
Look around at our planet and you’ll see that life is about
growth, adaptation, nourishing the new, transitioning, and celebrating the things
that have thrived through the seasons and turmoil. There’s simply nothing that doesn’t change. Sadly, so many people get to their 40s and 50s and
inadvertently put growth on hold. Sure,
we all understand the pressures and commitments of mortgages, kids, jobs and visiting
Aunt Daisy on Sunday afternoon when you could actually be snoozing on the
couch. But we are designed to grow, to learn new things, to develop, to push
ourselves, to adapt, to live with a sense of purpose and ultimately help make
this World a better place?
Disclaimer: I’m not suggesting we quit our job, smoke weed
and live off the local food bank either.
But here’s the thing: A midlife crisis creeps up and
confronts us when we suppress the natural stimulus within to keep growing and
continue the journey towards being the person we really want to be.
Take the test to see
if you’re in a midlife crisis.
Of course, there’s times in life where we’re not
afforded the luxury to just stop, focus on the big picture and contemplate
World Peace, but if we put on hold who we really are for too long in the name
of sacrifice and compromise we start to live a lie. We are not being true to our own self.
We suppress who we really are and pretend to be someone
we’re not. Added to this, is the
underlying and subconscious pressure from our nearest and dearest to keep the
good times for them rolling. Of course
they’re actually enjoying life – they love the stability, fun times with
friends, growing older and simply being ‘normal’ like everyone else. How indulgent for us to contemplate destroying
their happy bliss and start to think about who we’d really like to become?
Herein lies the seeds of confusion and the tension between
the two worlds fighting to ensnare us into their gravitational pull. But what if ‘normal’ isn’t who we are? What if we’re suppressing who we are for the
sake of our family and our own fears around growth and change? What if it’s too scary to do what we really
want? What if we actually don’t believe
in ourselves or our ability to take a risk?
What if there are dreams and desires deep down that are unfulfilled and
we see no way of ever achieving those?
Let the frustration and discontentment begin!
Added to this our 40s and 50s are a time when a number of
truths confront us:
1. Time is running out – if I don’t pluck up the
courage, face the fear and chart a course to become the person I’m meant to be
soon, I’ll never do it. Endless time is
no longer available. But I’m paralysed
by fear, and too many other things haven’t worked. I’m trapped.
2. The goal posts are moving – our dreams and
desires of our 20s and 30s don’t have the same pulling power as before. Our desires change. Being a slave to a job we don’t enjoy for the
sake of providing and buying the nice house isn’t exciting anymore …. I want to
have purpose in what I’m doing. I don’t
want to spend the rest of my life unfulfilled.
3.
Unfulfilled dreams - we didn’t become CEO of
that Global corporation. Far from it,
we’re stuck in middle management fighting insecure and political managers
dealing with their own issues. My
Husband or Wife has disappointed me – they don’t meet my needs and haven’t
grown into the person I dreamt of them becoming. Life is hard, we’ve had some unfortunate
situations and life just seems like a dark tunnel with no light at the end.
Here’s the thing – it’s not all about the rash big decision
to solve the issues …. ditch the Husband or Wife, buy the Porsche, buy more
shoes, have an affair, become a hippy or bury yourself in more work to get rid
of the feelings inside. Quite the opposite in fact.
Firstly it’s about understanding what’s going on so you can start a
journey. Then, look at the many options
you’ve got and understand deep down inside who you really are, your values, and
what type of life, roles and responsibilities are aligned with who you are and make
a plan. What do you need to do to transition
out of and away from and what do you need to move towards? Who do you really want to be in five years’
time is the question, not what do you want to have?
Click here
if you’d like some proven coaching techniques to help understand how to get
more alignment in your life.
You’ve all heard about the Chinese characters that make up
the word ‘crisis’ – danger and opportunity.
I think this definition is so apt for those of us in our 40s and
50s. A midlife crisis is actually life nudging you to
re-evaluate, take stock and ask yourself who you’d really like to become. What needs to change? Is fear holding me back? Have I been able to discuss this with my spouse
or partner, and how can our lives together be much more enriched by making a
slow transition? (Rather than letting the pressure build up inside and then a
rash decision that could cost you your marriage, finances, job and happy future
together).
Okay, so it’s not always as easy as that, but there’s a fight
taking place inside you or your partner’s head and heart. This crisis is actually life pulling you forward. It’s an opportunity to step up and be the
person the World is waiting for you to become.
For help on transitioning to the
next phase, or if you want to take our free midlife crisis test (http://site.midlifegps.net/midlife-crisis-test)
simply click on these links or visit us at midlifegps.net.
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