mighty acorns

Amazing grace

2012-03-05T00:00:00.001+13:00

From dictionary.com:
verb (used with object)

14.

to lend or add grace to; adorn: Many fine paintings graced therooms of the house. Synonyms: embellish, beautify, deck,decorate, ornament; enhance, honor. Antonyms: disfigure,desecrate, demean.

15.

to favor or honor: to grace an occasion with one's presence.Synonyms: glorify, elevate, exalt. Antonyms: disrespect,dishonor.

Last year I read a book called ''What's so Amazing about Grace''. It's written largely for a Christian audience however has life lessons that can be applied to all people. It challenged me about a lot of misconceptions I was brought up to believe, and continue to cling to, and highlighted the fact that I am far quicker to judge or condemn than to extend grace.

By definition, grace is a beautiful thing. It should make something better than it might have been. It's a positive word in my view, and suggests generosity and non-judgement. But it also says ''control'' to me. A graceful dancer is a pleasure to watch not least because every single movement is deliberate and certain. A gracious host shows magnanimity and kindness but within the bounds of good taste and manners.

I've had occasion recently to be in a position of having to really work hard at being gracious. I'm having to remind myself every day that no matter how wronged I feel, it is not my job to judge someone for their actions. To me grace is about kindness with strong boundaries. Generosity with sane limits. Love with out expectation, but also without martyrdom.

What does extending grace mean to you?

Be Natural Manuka Honey and Spice clusters

2012-03-01T09:41:00.001+13:00

I belong to a fantastic blogging community of mothers. There's hundreds of blogs and topics and always something thought provoking to mull on.

Recently we were invited to take part in a taste test for a new cereal being launched onto the New Zealand market.

Be Natural is an Australian brand but their products sit quite nicely alongside the Kiwi counterparts on the shelf - but with some quite unique differences.

The first thing to stand out is the packaging - natural cardboard box with no gaudy colours or pictures, this looks completely different to the other cereals right off the bat. Clearly it is designed to say ''healthy'' and environmentally friendly. On closer inspection there's a statement on the side of the box - this is made from recycled cardboard, and the company tell us they are partnered with Landcare Australia. I like that.

The proof is in the eating though, so I sell the idea to the chidlren that they are part of a special group of testers (not cereal eaters, my two) and they enthusiastically view the bowls in front of them, telling me it looks'' yummy''. So far so good.

Unfortunately both children were unexcited about it after the first couple of mouthfuls - The dancing queen claiming it was too spicy (she has zero tolerance for cinnamon) and the little engineer less than thrilled with the bran flakes.

I loved it. It has a chai latte kind of quality that I really enjoyed (I guess that's the cardamom) and therefore a more sophisticated flavour than most honey based cereals. I'm not a fan of milk on cereal and so ate it fairly dry but that was fine too and it didn't stick the roof as my mouth as muesli style cereals are apt to do.

I'm also not really one for checking nutritional content on cereal - as long as it's not too sugar or salt laden I'm happy - mainly because to get any breakfast into my family is a win on the day. That said, I was happy with the contents and liked the variety of grains on offer. The pumpkin seeds are a nice touch too, adding a bit of colour and variety of texture.

Would I buy this again? Absolutely - and I look forward to trying another flavour in the range.

Be Natural Manuka Honey and Spice clusters

2012-03-01T09:40:00.000+13:00

I belong to a fantastic blogging community of mothers. There's hundreds of blogs and topics and always something thought provoking to mull on.

Recently we were invited to take part in a taste test for a new cereal being launched onto the New Zealand market.

Be Natural is an Australian brand but their products sit quite nicely alongside the Kiwi counterparts on the shelf - but with some quite unique differences.

b-hap's (big hairy audacious prayers)

2012-02-21T19:14:00.001+13:00

This morning, while randomly trawling through radio stations in the car, I heard a bit of a segment on Radio Rhema (yeah AM I know...). It was a talk by well known preacher Tak Bhana on a show called 'Running with Fire''. The essential message was that Christians need to be braver when asking God for 'the big things.''. He spoke of how people become disheartened when they ask God for something and don't get it, but that we simply need to have more faith and keep asking. He cited an example of needing an extremely large sum of money - he asked God for it, and there it was.

Now I'm the first person to admire someone for such faith. And to agree that there are times that we shrink our view of God to such an extent that we might not believe he is capable of what we ask Him for.

But to hear that I just needed to be more faith-full, and to keep asking for bigger, more amazing things? Well that makes me uncomfortable. Not because I don't believe God isn't capable of giving our hearts desire. But because it's all a bit close to the prosperity theology that has been popular of late.

Sure ask God for big things. Believe that he is able to give them. But don't think of his as a magician, able to conjure up all that you want, just because you asked for it.

human nature

2012-02-18T17:59:00.000+13:00

“It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.”
― Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

Up until very recently I subscribed to the Anne Frank view of life. I want to believe that despite it all, we human beings are decent people. That we are fundamentally ''good''.

Unfortunately recent events are leading me to re-evaluate that opinion. A person who is extremely close to me has been badly deceived by someone she trusted. It's not important to go into the details, but suffice to say, her belief in the goodness of mankind has been somewhat shaken too, and I'm seeing the after effects and pain that results from the deception.

And so I've changed my perspective. I still hold the belief that human beings have the potential to be good. That we have an underlying drive for self preservation and also for the preservation of each other, and that includes upholding our core values. But I also think that maybe we have an equal potential to be ''bad''.

I am still not entirely convinced of the Christian theological position that we are all inherently evil and born that way. But I am becoming more and more sure that we have it within our selves to be sinful (to use a Christian term), or hurtful/selfish (to use a more humanist term).

And, I'm beginning to think that maybe it is not until we experience hurt ourselves, that we can shine the light on our own hurtful behaviours and take steps to change them.

This conclusion makes me sad. And even though I still have at the root of all this, the belief that every person is redeemable (there's another of those Christian explanations), and that no-one is irrecoverably broken, the fact that we are human makes us capable of harm without effort or even intention.

priorities and other stuff that's important

2012-02-17T23:47:00.001+13:00

For the past day and a bit I have been at a training conference for my one my jobs. Yep, I have more than one. I have 4 in fact, and to date I have juggled them fairly successfully, as long as I work on a just-in-time model and largely operate in the ''important and urgent'' quadrant!

My new boss, only in the job a few weeks, and this was the first time he had met his team en masse, spoke this morning on the topic of priority. It was a devotional-focused session, and several times he said ''this is what I'm hearing/learning/having revealed to me. And each time that happened I thought ''me too''.

You see, I have been really considering if it is sustainable to get four (income producing) balls in the air. I'm worried that one thing is taking priority over another. That in fact some things don't get the priority they deserve. Including my family. My work includes after hours time on the phone or computer. The kids don't get that, even though the pay off is that I am home for them every day after school.

I arrived back to collect my children, being cared for by grandparents, after 18 hours of learning and discussion and very little sleep, and 2 1/2 hours on the motorway, to find my son ill. I didn't even take my shoes off and was straight to the hospital where I learned he had an infection in a cut on his foot which had turned septic and was making him quite ill. I had been checking the foot each day, but in a cursory way it must be said. And that kind of thing happens quickly. I was reassured by the Dr it was ''boy stuff'' and he was given a tetanus shot and some antibiotics. It gave me a fright.

This evening I realised again that I need to deliberate the issue thoroughly.And soon. And then be deliberate in my actions.

It's a tough question and one I know is demanding an answer of me and soon: what are your priorities and what do you need to do to get them in the right order? I've got a feeling that the answer is going to be a bit painful and uncomfortable to address. I know that I don't WANT to give up anything I do. But I also know that I NEED to in order to manage - no, honour, my priorities.

How about you? What are your priorities? Do you feel they get the time and attention they deserve?

do i have sucker tattooed on my forehead?

2012-02-15T23:02:00.000+13:00

So I've started my renovations. There's been a flurry of tradesmen coming in and having a look about, sucking on their teeth, making vague noises about mess and fuss...and offering me completely outrageous quotes for the work I'm requesting to be done.

I hasten to add here that some of the tradesmen have been fantastic, spending lots of time talking through what it is I want, offering suggestions and following through with their promises.

But I am sure that the minute the slightly less honourable ones realise that I am a single woman, they see an opportunity to pull the wool. I can see it from their expressions...''ah someone who has no idea...here's an opportunity to make a bit extra"! Call me a cynic but I am sure that if there were a bloke lurking in the background they would be rather more exact with their pricing, and would spend less time talking about how much dust they are going to create and more on the details of what they are actually needing to do.

I'm a pretty independent kind of girl, heck up until recently I even owned my own chainsaw (I sold it because I just wasn't get the use of it...).

But I know my limitations and I also want to trust the people that come into my house to do the jobs I am not able to do. I just wish they'd treat me as if I had a few more clues than they think I have. In fact, why not treat me like a bloke. that'd work.

the things we do for love

2012-02-12T10:20:00.000+13:00

- stay up until midnight creating a birthday cake that we looks fantastic, get it out the next day and learn that it looks nothing like the birthday boy wanted...but he loves it anyway
- have a houseload of kids come and mess the place up, and eat me out of house and home
- spend $10k on a new bathroom because the tween spends way too much time in front of the mirror and it's driving the rest of us mad
- drive a 75km round trip to pick up a cat for a birthday present, only to have same cat run away and have to do the same trip the next day
- spend $40 on party food that will mostly likely end up on the deck or in the pigfood and not in the kids mouths
- spend hours and hours on a sausage sizzle raising money for kids hobbies
- lie awake worrying about said cat, and wondering how to explain if it doesn't come back
- consider getting another cat asap and trying to pass it off as it's twin....

little boxes made of ticky tacky

2012-02-09T20:59:00.001+13:00

Today I went to a new part of town. It's a sprawling subdivision following on from another sprawling subdivision which is an extension of another area of subdivision to the north of the city.

The house I visited was gorgeous - all modern lines and a fancy kitchen and designer garden. But there were some things about the neighbourhood that made me feel, well, frankly uneasy.

Row after row after row of identical houses, with ''neighbour friendly'' fencing on each sides. Tiny sections. Long roads with little planting and no hills or dales to break the monotony. Brick and tile as far as the I could see. Big garage doors are the feature that face the road. And they weren't cheap. The signs I saw advertised houses ready to be bought for upwards of $400k.

It took a full ten minutes of driving on a wide new road to get back to the main street, and a further 20 minutes across mad traffic to get to the outskirts of the city. There were no pedestrians to be seen, let alone people walking dogs, or pushing prams. No kids on bikes. No one in their garden watering the plants. Barely a house with a window open in fact.

I came back to my sleepy village, where every house is different and people live their lives in their gardens - which are as much at the front of the house as the back. Where kids of as young as 6 or 7 walk and bike to school. Where there is always at least one person walking their dog. Where there are stiles over the fences between neighbouring houses for easy ''kid access''. Where I can go for three or four days without getting the car out of the garage.

Perhaps sprawling developments with pristine housing is the way forward. No doubt if you live in such a place you would say it has appeal and attractions. Low maintenance. Public transport. New water and power systems. Modern facilities.

Where I am there's a few tatty bits. It can be noisy with all those kids and dogs about. :) There's always someone passing by to stop and talk to. There's trees that shed leaves on the lawn. The odd dodgy hole in the paths and roads. There's no bus. I have a septic tank because theirs no public sewerage system.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.

hugs not drugs

2012-02-06T20:12:00.000+13:00

I had bumped into a friend in the supermarket yesterday. I don't see him very often, and he greeted me (in the queue) with a great bear hug.

Today he came by my house for a proper catch up, and again his visit started and ended with a hug. He's a spiritual kind of guy, and we talked a lot about ''that kind of stuff''. In fact, we got onto the subject of touch, as he is a healer, but in particular where it fits when you're around people not well known to you.

I mentioned that although part of work takes me into "corporate world" it is not uncommon for me to hug the people I meet. He works in a trade, and says he often hugs his customers as he leaves his house.

Now this might sound kind of strange to the less tactile among us, but I reflected on the idea of touch further today and decided that it had become part of the way I do things - and how much I wish more people connected in this way. I understand that there are places, and times, and people where it's not appropriate - but for me, touch is an important way of communicating. And too many people are starved on safe, non-sexual touch.

I'll admit it. I love hugs. I love being enveloped by someone I feel safe with. I love being able to hug my friends. Touch is not my primary love language (more on that here) but it sure rates up there! (Cuddles are great too...but that's not what I'm talking about here.:))

In a busy world there is often little chance to even to stop and talk, let alone take the time to physically - and by association, spiritually or emotionally - connect with the people we come across. Imagine what a changed world we would live in if this were done differently.

Idealistic? Probably. A bit kooky? Possibly. Life-changing? Definitely.

the power of choice

2012-02-03T21:15:00.001+13:00

My eldest child is extremely strong-willed. There's no getting away from it, or prettying it up - she's liked being in charge, and getting her own way. Believe me it causes some challenges and some grief - not least because her mother is kind of the same....

She understands that I'm the head of the house (well, most of the time she does...) and she accepts that there are going to be decisions made that she's not necessarily going to like. But one of the things I've learned over the past few years (the hard way, mostly) is that things go a whole lot more smoothly in our house when she feels like she has some control over the things going on in her life. She's barely 9, but I am conscious that she is wanting to feel some independence.

So I have started allowing her some choice. She can choose what to wear - made easier because I decide what is in her wardrobe in the first place so there's nothing inappropriate. This is a biggie as at times she would happily wear a fur coat in summer and a t-shirt in winter. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue... :) She can choose what to eat for lunch, as long as I vet the lunchbox before it goes in the school bag. She can choose where to sit at the dinner table. Whether to bike or walk to school. Whether to read or draw before bed. How her hair is done and when it gets washed (my only requirement is once a week, she picks when).

I've also starting allowing some small freedoms. Choosing lights-out time (within reason). Going for a bike ride on her own. Using the phone. Some screen time playing games she wants to play rather than for homework.

It seems like small stuff - in fact it IS small stuff, but it has gone a long way to making her feel like she is part of the decision making in our house.

And that has made for a happier household.

living the good life

2012-01-30T00:33:00.000+13:00

I live in a small rural town - well a village really - with a population of about a thousand people. Families come here from all over the world. They like how the village looks and feels - it's proximity to countryside but also to the town - it's wide open streets, it's community focus.

Within the town boundaries - which are easily walkable - theres a school, church, pub, superette, two cafes, three gift shops, Playcentre, museum, petrol station, hairdresser and a few other non-retail businesses, community facilities, and clubrooms. We have our own newspaper, monthly market, Christmas festival. There's clubs and interest groups galore, from Bowls to Weaving to Scouts. It feels like most people are either on a committee or in the volunteer Fire Brigade, or helping out at school.

Everyone knows each other, or so it seems. Children walk or bike to school with each other. They drop in on their friends after school and at weekends. There's always a kid to play with at the park. You always see someone you know at the store. When someone dies, half the village seems to be at the funeral. Families socialise together - children get to see others families in action, and parents get to share that load a little. I have made some incredible friends here and they have in many ways become my family.

Some years ago I explored the possibility of living in an intentional community - you know the kind - a place people choose to move to, where people share values, and sometimes real estate but maintain their own homes. Where families eat together and learn together. They share their veges and mind each others children. It all sounded rather Utopian. It was exactly what I wanted, for me, and my children. The down side was I was going to have to move a long way from ''home''.

And then it hit me - I actually live in one already.

I feel incredibly blessed to be part of such an awesome community and have no plans to leave. Having lived all over the world, I think I've found the place I can truly call home.

frugal shopping

2012-01-25T20:42:00.001+13:00

I had a major sort out in the wardrobe last week (yes, another one). I was ruthless - removed lots of clothes I haven't worn in ages, things I wasn't sure about, things that needed mending. It was quite horrifying how many impulse buys went on the discard pile (along with a favourite top that somehow got caught up and ended at the op shop too but that's another story...).

The upshot was that the wardrobe looked a whole lot emptier (I have a rail just a bit bigger than a single wardrobe and a 3 drawer chest). So, what better thing to do, than have an attempt at filling it again.

I discovered the joy of op shop/preloved/vintage clothing when I found myself a single parent with not a whole lot of money. It's now become my main source of shopping, and after a few mistakes along the way I have developed a few rules. I am not ashamed to tell people of my latest bargains, and many have asked for my secrets in unearthing some of the treasures, so here they are

TOP TEN SECRETS FOR SHOPPING FOR PRE-LOVED CLOTHING

1. Start with the working out your style exercise. I discovered Trinny and Susannah and follow the rules religiously. Now I can scan a shop rail and know very quickly if there is anything I will want to buy. I stick to certain colours and styles and rarely move from them. It can be boring but it's also reliable and saves time and money, and fashion disasters....

2. Don't shop by brand necessarily, but learn which ones suit you in terms of cut and style. This also helps you avoid mistakes. And means you will quickly find those brands on a crowded rack. I am a bit of a label snob and am always drawn to more high end brands, and the reality is that they simply are better quality. That said, many of them simply don't suit me. This particularly applies to skirts and jeans - when cut is crucial - and then you can often get some real bargains. I recently bought Hartleys jeans for $15 which still had a new tag stating $129 on them. I also watch for English brands which are invariable better quality than their kiwi counterparts (I especially like Jigsaw, Wallis and River Island)

3. Be choosy about fabric. Don't buy anything that is even slightly scruffy or worn. It will always feel second hand. Where ever possible avoid synthetics too. They almost always smell second hand. Forever. Ick.

4. Even though something might only be costing $5 don't buy it unless you love it. Apply the same rules as if you were paying full retail price. Trust me, a bargain is not a bargain if it never gets worn.

5. Always keep your price limits back of mind. I will not pay more than $12 for anything, other than a dress and even then my upper limit is always $15. Otherwise I might as well wait for a sale and buy new. My average purchase price is $7.

6. If you're creative, look at something that might be able to be reworked - hem altered or accessory added

7. Always keep one eye out for fantastic vintage buys. Some stores specialise in them and there are some incredible bargains. I have a small collection of gorgeous things I may never wear but represent moments in time.

8. Shop little and often, and have two lists in mind - firstly, things you need that go with what you already have, and secondly special occasion things. Because these are less common in shops you need to grab when you can.

9. Tell others about the shops you visit. The more customers they have the more stock they seem to carry.

10. Don't write off a dusty old op shop that doesn't look appealing from the outside. These ones often carry the best finds.

playing nicely

2012-01-24T16:56:00.000+13:00

It's been a long school holiday this time round. Two weeks of rubbish weather, a week without a car, and now two weeks of working and having to juggle kid stuff around the office work.

I've done my best to have as many outings and play dates as possible to keep the children happy and occupied - mainly because like most kids, if it's just them, there's constant niggling, grizzling, fighting and ''it's not fairing''. Which, interestingly almost never happens when there's extras around - and definitely doesn't happen when they are at someone Else's house.

It's rare for kids to squabble and be deliberately unkind to their friends - especially to the degree they do it with their siblings. And it seems to me that adults are a bit the same.

It's an intriguing thing to me. The people that we should be the most respectful of, the most accommodating toward, the most loving to, are the ones we treat the worst. Parents, kids, siblings, partners - all seem to get the blunt end of our behaviour.

But our friends - that's a different matter. We show our best side to them - they get the sparkling wit, the generous hospitality, the stimulating conversation, the generosity of spirit. If we're having a bad day we keep out of their way - rather than take it out on them. If they annoy or hurt us we make allowances, or compensate. We excuse them a poor decision or two. We accommodate their diet, their music preference, their housekeeping style, the way they parent, how they drive, their cooking. We often even take their criticisms - their feedback - seriously and with far more humility than we would afford a relative or work colleague!

We choose them for their unique qualities and love them unconditionally. We are usually more tolerant than in any other relationship. We are almost always thrilled to see them, and delight in their company.

So why do we treat them best? Is it because with friends, they are the easiest to lose?

decisions decisions decisions

2012-01-22T19:43:00.002+13:00

Definition of AMBIVALENCE

: simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings (as attraction and repulsion) toward an object, person, or action

a : continual fluctuation (as between one thing and its opposite)b : uncertainty as to which approach to follow

— am·biv·a·lent adjective

— am·biv·a·lent·ly adverb

I have found myself using the word ''ambivalent'' way too much lately. In this part of the world it is often used to mean ''i don't really care one way or the other" but I mean it in its true sense of being conflicted - having two opposing views about something.

I use it partly because I like it as a word, but also because I do seem to have been faced with a number of things - both big and small and in between - where I have had two differing directions of thought.

My FDH used to say I spent half my life weighing up pros and cons and was incapable of making a decision based on gut reaction and I think he may have been right. I've got better at it, and the truth is of course, that if I listen to my inner voice (really truly listen), I know exactly what my opinion is, or what decision I ought to make. It's just that I am an expert at weighing up consequences and trying to be balanced with outcomes. It must be a hangover from my days of Banking!

Why is it that we don't trust our inner voice? Do we fear being wrong? Being right? Being perceived as opinionated or inflexible?

What decisions do you dither about? Which do you find easy to make, and which are easier to deviate from?

When you make a decision that turns out to be the ''wrong'' one (and I use that term loosely) do you find it easy to forgive yourself? Are you able to change direction?

Reason - Gut feeling - Fact...What drives you?

making the main thing the main thing

2012-01-18T10:17:00.000+13:00

Last year, I did my best to do some consolidating. It kind of worked...I started paying off a little more debt (that is...I worked more, including a new job). I spent a little more time on stuff for me (dancing of course,,,and achieving my 2011 goals). I made some amazing new friends and spent time really getting to know them.
I guess you could say the words to sum up my year were ''consolidation'' and ''deliberate'' (see my December post on living deliberately
http://mighty-acorns.blogspot.com/2011/12/living-deliberately.html

This year, I think it is going to be about priority and boundaries. I need to take stock of the things I do that fill my days, and head. I need to work better at not making too many compromises (with my heart more than my head it must be said). I need to be clearer with myself, and others, about what my boundaries actually are. I need to learn to say NO sometimes and I also need to say YES more too.

I'm excited about the year ahead. I've got lots of things I want to do. A number of things in the pipeline I've been planning for a while, and some that have just shown up. There are people I want to spend more time with. Books I want to read. Some new experiences to try.

Could you describe your life in a couple of words? How would you like to define the way you live it out each day? What truly motivates you? Would an adjective be more effective at giving you focus for the year ahead than a New Years resolution?

working under pressure

2012-01-16T18:49:00.000+13:00

There's no doubt about it, I'm a tidy freak. I like being organised. I LOVE decluttering. There's always just one more thing that could be chucked/recycled/donated.

I'm also pretty organised, and have an electronic diary which reminds me each day (as well as 3 days, and 24 hours before the event) what I need to remember or achieve. I do lists. I tick them off. I have New Years resolutions and usually keep them. I take a list to the supermarket. I mend stuff.

I like tidy cupboards. I have a capsule wardrobe. All my bills are on automatic payment.

Which makes me sound like a total control freak right? (Moi!?!)....

But I have a guilty secret - well at least, it was a secret until now....And this is it: I work best under pressure. Which means...
- I tend to operate in bursts of super high energy, but those are easily squashed by long periods of faffing about.
- I put things off and then do them all in a mad rush - like starting the ironing at 10 pm. Or washing up the dishes right when I should be leaving for work.
- I don't spend a leisurely hour getting ready to go out to dinner - it's a ten minute mad rush right before I should have left already
- I have this awesome reminder that tells me when my bank account is getting low - but rather than monitor it, I wait until I get the insistent beeps and then transfer money right on closing time.
- I leave getting a haircut until I really should have had it done a week before. Ditto colour. Ditto Warrants on the Car.

I guess you could say I work on Just In Time.

It works for me. Most of the time. And I doubt I can change the habit of a lifetime, no matter how much I wish I was cool calm and collected.

I liken myself to the duck gliding serenely on the water for all to see, but actually paddling like mad underneath...

What's your work style?

Happiness and contentment

2012-01-15T12:11:00.000+13:00

Further to the post about the commercialism of Christmas and our need it now culture I have a question for you...

Do you ever think...If I just had THAT I would be happy? If I had that promotion, that house, that dress? If I were friends with her, If I lived in that suburb, if I could have that trip of a lifetime, if I lost that last 5 kg... I would be content?

And even though you know that it's a ridiculous notion - after all, once it's obtained, completed or experienced, then what? - you still harbour the secret thought that maybe, maybe it might just satisfy the need?

If you turned that upside down, and decided that in order to achieve that thing, it might be a good idea to be happy FIRST - then what would you do? How would it affect the way you are on a day to day basis? Would you be more content to live in the moment? Could you settle?

What if you could let go of the thing that might define your happiness, and look at the world as it is for you now? Are you happy?

all about food

2012-01-13T08:08:00.000+13:00

All about food – are you tagged?

Broot ...

challenged me to answer some questions on food and cooking.

1. What, or who inspired you to start a blog?
Originally I wanted to write a diary of sorts about my children and my business. It's evolving:)

2. Who is your foodie inspiration?
Jamie.He changed the way I cook..

3. Your greasiest, batter – splattered food/drink book is?
The Playcentre cookbook that I compiled - mainly with my own recipes - and published myself (want a copy? only $10!

4. Tell us all about the best thing you have ever eaten in another country, where was it, what was it?
Too many to choose from. But I did do Europe by food - black forest cake in the black forest, truffles in Belgium, Baguette in Paris and so on...

6. What is the one kitchen gadget you would ask Santa for this year (money no object of course)?
A dishwasher

7. Who taught you how to cook?
Mum, Nana, Jamie.

8. I’m coming to you for dinner what’s your signature dish?
Lasagne or Pasta Carbonara with way too much bacon and fresh cream. Apple strudel.

What is your guilty food pleasure?

Dark chocolate. Oh and Pringles - but it's true, once you pop you can't stop

10. Reveal something about yourself that others would be surprised to learn?
After 10 years of Playcentre I still need a recipe to make playdough

Finally…tag 5 other bloggers with these questions…like a hot baked potato…pass it on!

thinking positively in a negative world

2012-01-11T13:29:00.000+13:00

There's lots of funny emails and Facebook posts about the ways men and women interpret things differently. Or how kids say one thing and parents say another.

Today my grizzle - and yes I'm going to indulge in one - is about how often society (generalising here but I'm allowed cos it''s my blog...) prefers to take a negative view than a positive one.

e.g. I say I'm open and vulnerable. You say I'm needy. I say she's intuitive. They say she jumps to conclusions to quickly. I say you're spiritually open. Someone else would say you're a fruitcake.

Why do we do this? Why can't those ''soft'' characteristics be considered strengths not weaknesses?

Similarly the person who is discerning is labelled picky or intolerant. The one with really strong boundaries is described as inflexible or judgmental. High energy equals wired. Low energy equals lazy. Laid back is considered unmotivated. Brave is too easily translated as foolhardy. Can't win!

I've also heard it said that the negative way we describe others is usually more a reflection on what we think of ourselves than what we really feel about them.

Here's an idea...what if for 2012 we made a conscious effort to do less labelling and more accepting? Would it change the way you felt about other people? Would it change the way you feel about YOU?

Which words would you use to describe yourself... the positive ones or the negative ones? Why?

spoiled brats and a throwaway culture

2012-01-09T22:31:00.000+13:00

That's how a friend described her children today. she didn't mean it literally (well I don't think so...), but referred to the way our children's generation has access to everything their heart desires, and never seem to have to wait for it.

I am incredibly lucky that my kids are largely not ''stuff'' driven. But they too love a trip to spend their precious $2! And have no qualms about discarding something if it is out of date, or fashion, or just not exciting any more (that bit isn't all together too bad, as at least they don't accumulate the clutter!!!)

At the risk of sounding curmudgeonly, I agreed that things just weren't the same as when we were kids. We got books on birthdays and at Christmas. I remember waiting an entire year for a packet of felt tip pens (the new thing then), and only getting them because a relative had been abroad and could bring them back. All my clothes were homemade, or purchased at Farmers, once a year. No way would my mother have considered entering an op shop to buy anything.

That was the days before the Warehouse, the $2 shop and Trade me. Nothing was really disposable. In fact I still have many of my toys, even some of my clothes from my childhood....

So now, when we notice the trousers are getting a little short, or it's a rainy Sunday with not much on, it's all too easy to make a trip to town. And it's cheap - at the time. Clothes cost the same in dollar terms as they did thirty years ago. Many things are way cheaper. There is no expectation that anything will last more than a season - and in fact not much need for it to do so - after all it will likely be too small, too out of date, or discarded through boredom by then anyway.

Technology is cheap. Even the special food we used to get only at Christmas and birthdays are every day groceries now.

And so we risk a generation of need it-want it -get it mentality. And when it's no longer wanted, or interesting, or current, it can be discarded without though.

I just hope that this obsession with the here and now, the growing culture of the takeaway, and our apparent disinterest in longevity will not end up applying to our relationships with real people

living out loud

2012-01-06T22:46:00.000+13:00

Over the past couple of weeks I have used my phone to it's fullest capacity - taking photos of the children at every opportunity and creating a visual diary of their summer, all the while posting it on Facebook for the viewing pleasure of friends and family abroad.

It struck me that there is something rather narcissistic about doing this...really truly who is interested in looking at (often not very good) photos of my kids with other random friends. In locations most people have never been to, and are probably unlikely to ever get to.

A friend of mine once said that she took the most photos when she was the most unhappy....that is, that when she was content with her life, she could allow it to simply unfold around her. When things weren't so good she would take dozens of photos of herself (with friends, socialising mainly) as if to convince herself what a fabulous life she actually had.

Times have changed a bit since that comment, particularly with the invention of the digital camera and instant uploading - but I think possibly the sentiment still stands. I want the children to be able to look back and say ''wow we had a great time then!'' long after they can no longer remember it. And, whilst many of those photographs make the public forum of Facebook, many more are carefully put in a real photo album, and more still are in a digital album on the computer.

I would hate to end up like the ubiquitous Japanese tourist, who spends their whole holiday viewing a new place from behind a camera - only really getting to appreciate it on their return home to the projector screen. But truth be told I enjoy capturing those fun moments and sharing them with others - or at least imagining that others will enjoy looking at them as much as I do. And some days, yes, I do need to be reminded how good my life actually is.

out with the old

2011-12-30T15:24:00.000+13:00

A couple of days before Christmas I decided it was time for another cupboard purge. I asked each child to take a good look in their room and bring out 10 things they no longer wanted (either outgrown, broken, whatever). The dancing queen came out a few minutes later with a plastic bag full of half used colouring books and a pile of felt tip pens. I followed behind and filled a few more bags....The little engineer proceeded to remove every single thing from his bedroom and put it in the middle of the lounge floor, announcing that he didn't want any of it, and anyway he would be getting plenty of new things for Christmas.

It took most of the afternoon, but we sorted through it all. Now I'm a less is more kind of person, and was amazed that there was really anything to be thrown out, but we managed to put together 6 banana boxes of stuff - for rubbish, recycling, donating and storing. Extraordinary!

It also threw into the sharp relief, the childrens expectations that there was ''plenty more where that came from''. Come Christmas day, there was actually little that came in - gifts had been carefully thought out and included a minimal amount of ''stuff'' - and the children were more than happy with that.

What amazes me most though, is how I consider myself clutter free, junk free and as consumable light as I can be, and still we managed to find a carful of stuff no longer wanted.

building traditions from the traditional

2011-12-27T14:21:00.001+13:00

Christmas turned out to be a simple and relatively low key affair in my house. Quite a bit of the day was spent alone (ie just the children and I) with people coming and going. Dinner was a ''bring your leftovers'' affair, with 4 families sharing - and this was possibly the highlight of the day. the kids played and danced to their new CD's. the parents got to enjoy each others company, sitting in fading light on the deck.

I love that we went ""mnmlst"" this year. The food was delicious but simple and I resisted the temptation of having laden plates of calorific snacks out all day long. The company was awesome - people who really mattered were here. The gifts were also thoughtful. I asked the children to pack up everything they had been given and they filled only one paper carry bag each. And all were things I know they will use and love and treasure including books and games (oh and chocolate...).

We've followed this way of doing things for years, but this year it somehow felt more meaningful and purposeful. The season has been about people and experiences. Carol singing, supper with neighbours, light trails. Small but meaningful gifts. Church. Lights. Evening barbeques. A nod to the past and also bedding in some new habits. I have a resolve. Sharing the meaning of christmas in ways that are Yep, meaningful, purposeful - and deliberate. I want this to be our family tradition.

what if...

2011-12-22T17:31:00.000+13:00

Have a look at your diary. Are there many (any!) days in December that aren't filled already?

School events, work and club Christmas parties, shopping, family functions, a bit more Christmas shopping, possibly a trip to the hairdresser, the car needs a service, need to sort the mortgage, get a school pool key, start stocking the pantry for christmas day, organise the summer holiday....I'm getting tired just thinking about it all!

My editorial from the latest issue of the Village Voice....

It's a been a busy year - busier that most I am sure - with irregular school terms, national tragedies and celebrations punctuating our seasons, and a higher than normal incidence of bugs and germs ''doing the rounds''.

So as you read through this Village Voice - and marvel at just how busy our town is - I would like you to consider a challenge. what if, just for a a few hours (or longer if you dare), you cancelled all those urgent, and important, and also the urgent and important engagements, and just stopped. Stayed home. Kept the television, computer and telephone turned off. Or went for a walk, leaving the mobile phone at home. Or chose to turn down yet another party invitation? Or made just one less trip to the shop for an émergency'' ? It's possible no-one else would even notice, or if they did, they could well be wistfully imagining it was them who had not raced to get to the party on time.

Imagine what you could do with the three extra hours that a Christmas party comes in. Or the hour circling the car park at the shopping mall. Or the 45 minutes in the queue at the supermarket checkout.

Consider what you might do to make life just a little simpler, a little easier this christmas. It might be as simple as saying ''no''.

living deliberately

2011-12-20T22:50:00.000+13:00

The buzzwords these days, especially in Christian circles, are purposeful, and intentional.

Me, I like deliberate.

Deliberate says...I've weighed up the options. Deliberate says I've thought this through. Deliberate says I'm going to do this deliberately. Without wavering. With purpose. With an expected outcome. Carefully. Mindfully.

The other buzzword doing the rounds is authentic.

Now this one I like. If I am authentic I'm being true to myself. I'm not compromising. I'm being honest, even if it's not in a widely accepted form. I'm real.

When I reflect on what I have achieved this year, I can, hand on heart, say it has been done authentically and deliberately. I've stayed true to myself. As a result I've made a couple of spectacular errors of judgement, and a few more awesomely effective decisions. I've ticked off all the 'to do's'' on my list of resolutions. I've looked after myself, deliberately, spiritually, physically. Emotionally it's been a bit touch and go but I'm working on it;)

So my question for you is this: Whether it be in your business, work or personal life, have you been deliberate in your actions this year? Why or why not? Does this resonate with you? If you've been floundering a bit, could it be a new way forward for 2012?

All I want for Christmas

2011-12-12T21:25:00.000+13:00

...is for my family to be able to be in the same room for more than two hours and get on - or at least pretend to
...is for the children to get through til New Year without being stuffed full of sugar and artificial colourings (given to them by others, not me)
...is a good nights sleep
...is to be able to get a pile of cherries from the tree on Christmas morning
...is to get through the next ten days of madness and stay sane (or pretend to be...)
...is to avoid hearing Snoopy's Christmas, which I'm sure contributes to the spike in crime, alcohol consumption and bad tempers the world over because it's just so darned annoying
...is to resist the shops for just a few more days and be satisfied with the shopping I've done
... is the company of wonderful friends and family, some good food, an engaging book, and maybe a nice glass of champagne
...is a few fine days, maybe a couple of hot ones, and not too many rainy ones
...is lots of kisses and cuddles from the people who matter most

acts of kindness

2011-12-03T12:36:00.001+13:00

It would seem that the cynics might be right...my conservative Christian friends believe that the world is an inherently bad place...that people are are born ...evil...or flawed...or whatever term you want to use to describe the humanness of us all.

Today I am feeling sceptical...disillusioned even.

I want to believe that the world is full of good people. I want to believe that people are basically good. But time after time, I put my faith in another person (perhaps that is flawed in itself) and find myself being let down. I understand that we are not perfect - and I certainly take no issue with the idea that as humans we are capable, even gifted, at falling short. But what I'm talking about here is the ability to simply be kind.

Whether it be in word or deed, surely the world would be a better place - and we would get on a whole lot better in it - if we tempered our actions and thoughts with kindness. When we are kind to our bodies, our environment, the people around us, surely the knock on effect can only be positive. And conversely, when someone is unkind to us, it is all to easy to respond the same way, creating a butterfly effect of discontent.

Words can be harsh...and needlessly so in my opinion. I accept that many things are said from raw emotion, that often we don't think through the consequences of our words and actions before ''getting them out there'' but surely this is another good reminder of the need to think twice, act once?

I have heard way too many stories this week of real unkindness. Meanness. Selfishness. Narcissism. Misogynistic behaviour. It grieves me deeply.

Kind words make people feel valued. Harsh words don''t. It's that simple. If we live by the maxim of loving each other as we would love ourselves then I would have to ask this question: what value do we put on ourselves when we speak unkindly to others?

Honesty is essential. Integrity too. And to cloak these qualities in kindness must surely be one the greatest challenges of all.

the secret to a successful partnership

2011-11-18T20:17:00.000+13:00

the conversation went like this...
I've never wanted children...but she does...so I'm thinking, well, perhaps I could be persuaded

the proposal went like this...
marriage is really important to me...i know you're kind of ambivalent...so would you do it for me?

the partnership went like this...
i think this is a really good idea and we should steer the business in this direction. i know you're not super enthusiastic about it, but if you're comfortable with me driving it, let's go ahead with it

In watching many many business partnerships develop, grow, and often disintegrate, and similarly seen way too many marriages fail, I started thinking about what might have lead to such breakdowns.

The problems seem to come when a big decision (like having a child, or investing in a new business idea) is not shared in equal amounts of enthusiasm. The minute things get difficult it is all to easy to start a blame game (your idea your responsibility) or when things are more successful that envisioned for one to take the kudos.

I am convinced that the secret to success in a joint venture of any kind, whatever that success is, or looks like, is that both parties must be completely in agreement on direction. Yes, sometimes one will lead the way, or need to present a pretty convincing argument in order to win over the other...But at the end of the day, unless both people are committed to the same outcome, it''s just asking for trouble.

spoiled for choice

2011-11-03T21:03:00.000+13:00

I recently started a new job and one of my first tasks was to organise a cocktail party with an expected guest list of 150.
The party is tomorrow night and RSVPs are still trickling in.

I guess it's possibly because people are not particularly interested in it...but I suspect it's more likely that they are leaving it until the last minute to reply, just in case something better comes up.

A friend organised a party for a dozen or so people...on the night, all but one cancelled.

I have so often organised an event and not had people confirm their attendance until the very last minute.

It seems to be indicative of our society. We have so much choice, so much immediacy of information (remember the days when one would phone a week ahead at least to confirm something!) - I think it is turning us into a bad mannered and selfish world.

It seems to stretch to relationships (see the serial dater), careers (few people stay in the same career for a life time), hobbies and interests - we do lots but rarely commit to something for more than a short time. Or we will happily give something up in favour of a better opportunity and to heck with commitment or just giving our word.

Have you ever been dumped for a better offer? Ever ditched a friend or an event because something more exciting came up?

greenfingers

2011-11-02T18:44:00.000+13:00

The little engineer loves to garden. At the moment I have a bucket mushrooms growing in the bottom of the hot water cupboard...an avocado seed and pumpkin seeds drying in anticipation of a bumper crop, and he is currently outside with the dancing queen putting in giant sunflower seeds in random places around the garden.

When the dancing queen brought me in a beautiful daffodil from the garden he did not marvel - but growled her vociferously for picking ''his'flowers that HE planted!

I am not a great gardener, choosing to have an adequate vegetable garden and little more - plenty of fruit trees to be sure but not a whole lot else. I like the idea of gardening far more than the reality of weeding, mulching and digging. The dancing queen is one for instant results and tends to choose fast growing lettuce and herbs.

But at only 5, the engineer seems to have found a passion. And he gets us much pleasure from picking as from growing - happily spending hours shelling peas and beans or pulling weeds. I love that he chooses interesting plants - this week heritage tomatoes from the farmers market, and a snow pea. And he loves to eat the fruits (or is that vegetables...) of his labours. I can only hope that this will become a lifelong pleasure.

feel the stress

2011-10-30T22:13:00.000+13:00

How busy are you? Do you race around with a to do list a mile long, one eye on the clock, one hand on the phone, the other on the steering wheel? Do you ever feel like you are not doing a good enough job?

And how come other people who seem to be as equally busy as you...maybe more so, never seem to get stressed at all? They sail through, confidently checking emails, and calendars and answering calls all the while cooking nutritious meals for their families and keeping the house clean, not a grey hair or wrinkle in sight? (eerm no...not me, not quite;))

I have come to the conclusion that stress is not necessarily related to busy-ness. It is however, all about our values. So when we are busy, as long as we are happy with being busy, feel like we are achieving at the pace and standards we want to, we won't be stressed.

So it follows then, that in periods of high stress, the answer might be to simply stop what we're doing and examine which part of our live is causing the pain. The answer to being busy might not actually be slowing down - it might be staying busy but lessening the things we are committed to. It might mean making a deliberate effort to lower a particular standard, or change a deadline.

I work best under pressure. If there's a deadline I work to it, in just-in-time fashion. I guess I work well with all the adrenaline! But that's different to stress. Stress is when I feel out of control - like I am either going to let myself, or someone else down. When that happens, I go into methodical mode. Tasks are mentally prioritised and ticked off. As each thing is complete it is posted, or packed or put out of my mind. Leaving space for the next. And this is also allowing me to be true to my values of timeliness and results.

What stresses you? Do you see a link between values and stress?

Thanks PM for the inspiration for this one:)

Halloween vs All Hallows

2011-10-28T23:32:00.000+13:00

I have spent many a post discussing my tussles with my faith. This year has certainly been one of questioning, challenging and evaluating (and that's just from within!).

And this weekend is Hallowee'n. Rather than dismiss the whole occasion out of hand I felt it important to get a little more knowledge in order to make an informed decision. There's so much conflicting information to be found about this (though Google and Wiki are two of my closest friends, in this case they have not been so loyal).

After a fair amount of reading (well, skimming really), I feel no clearer. Whilst it seems fairly obvious that the celebration has it's roots in Christianity (All Saints Day), there is just too much that is close to darkness for comfort for me. I like that some churches have chosen to make a clear separation and reclaim Halloween as a Christian celebration.

But as much as I loathe Trick or Treating (glorifed begging as far as I'm concerned), I am not entirely convinced that a Light Party is that much better...a church scrapes together all the money it can, and then as an alternative to guising (ie trick or treating) children can come along and be given the same ''high quality'' lollies and have a couple of hours of free entertainment. Where's the Christian celebration in that I ask?

I am going to a party tomorrow night with Halloween theme. I'm taking it lightly - dressing up but not as a ghost or ghoul. The organisers have, partly as a result of a conversation with me, changed some of their decorations, as they are conscious of not wanting to offend or scare anyone (which demonstrates huge integrity I think, considering their religious leanings...or not).

I am most interested in an event being held in Australia this weekend:https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=201591189910539

What are your feelings about Halloween? Religious occasion, too close to darkness, American sensationalism or something else?

does my bum look big in this?

2011-10-27T15:38:00.000+13:00

Human beings are programmed to seek approval. We want people to LIKE us. We want to feel needed, wanted, desired.

And we will go to all kinds of lengths to get that approval. The way we dress, the car we drive, the food and drinks we consume. A career path, a parenting style, the place we choose to live.

You'd think, that with so many different places to go to get 'fulfilled'' we'd be all walking around loved up and giving it all back right? so how come most of us feel like we are on a mouse-wheel to happiness?

There's plenty of material out there telling us how to find inner peace...or to be satisfied with our lives...or to live happily with less. We buy the books and download the podcasts but it's still not quite enough...

Does having approval make us feel safe? Or loved? Who's approval matters most?

Who's approval do you seek and why?

circles of influence

2011-10-26T13:58:00.000+13:00

I am fascinated at how circular our world is. We move in the same circles throughout our lives, bumping up against the same people time after time, and only just missing others by days or metres. Sure there's the obvious things - like shared interests or mutual friends, but I am amazed by how often one or two people turn up in more than one of these eddies of connection.

I have recently come into contact with someone whom I have never met in person but have about a dozen connections in common with (over several different groups of people). We have a number of shared interests and life experiences and yet have never physically crossed paths. There have been a few occasions over the past several years when we may have had opportunity to meet but for some reason it has never come to pass.

Is this co-incidence? Fate? Fluke? Bad timing...good timing? Just as well...?

Much as a good novel draws together seemingly unconnected people, I love to see how each of us has the potential to share a section of each others lives and experiences. It reminds me that the world is a big place, but also a village, where each of us has the potential to draw from and share from each other.

Even if we never actually meet in person.

What's your name again?

2011-10-20T23:22:00.000+13:00

There's one thing in life that absolutely drives me crazy (well actually there's several but today it's the turn of...)

People who get my name wrong.

I have never, ever had my name shortened. I have never really even had a nickname. I have never changed the way my name is pronounced. My name is Susan. Not Sue. Not Suzy. Not Suzanne. (oh and not Sharon either, as I often get).

I am astounded at how often I introduce myself as Susan and get a response - oh nice to meet you Sue! Excuse me? Did I say my name was Sue? I really don't think Susan is difficult to pronounce or remember - or spell for that matter! Usually I correct people - because although it might be slightly awkward for them to have it pointed out that they got it wrong I have decided that this is probably the only thing ever in my life that I am going to own and not have to change, amend or alter for anyone else. So you can empathise I am sure, when, upon saying, actually it's Susan, not Sue, I am gobsmacked by how often later in the conversation the person will continue to call me Sue. To me it's rude. It's a different name to me - I don't see it as a derivative.

I see nicknames as endearments. In other words, until I know someone well enough to use one I wouldn't. And I consider a shortened name a nickname. Now if I am introduced to someone by a shortened version that's a whole different story, but I'm talking here about voluntarily changing a name myself without getting permission of it's owner!

Am I being inflexible and judgemental? Are you a name shorten er? Or have a habit of mispronouncing - whatever the reason?

Frankly, I think the very least anyone can do is get someones name right. Preferably the first time. It's good business sense, it's good social etiquette and above all it's good manners. You've been warned:)

the album launch

2011-10-10T23:57:00.000+13:00

This weekend I had a brand new experience - I went to an album launch party.

Held in a fairly well known pub in town, the evening comprised of the band playing through the songs on the new album, and then some socialising while the CD played in the background.

Knowing the kind of music one of the band members plays (he's a friend of mine), I really wasn't sure what to expect but went with an open mind. And it was fantastic!

Paul Symons is an incredibly talented songwriter and musician, and every song was a hit with the audience. He had a few anecdotes to share about the lyrics of some, and many had a lot of truly 'kiwi lifestyle'' references in them - which made the music have a comfortable, familiar feel, even though the songs had never been heard in public before. There were some clear influences in the music - shades of Greg Johnson set, Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan, Jack Johnson - but the music was still unique and easy to listen to.

The band comprised of a drummer, steel guitar, double bass and Paul on acoustic (and sometimes electric) guitar. All amazing musicians in their own right, and an absolute winner as a band. How wonderful if this album was to be released widely in NZ and get airplay on some of the commercial radio stations.

You can find out more about Paul here: http://www.spaceman.net.nz/

The Monastery

2011-10-09T16:47:00.000+13:00

By chance (or was it...) I picked up a book in a church library when visiting there for a work meeting.
Called 'Finding Sanctuary'', it was written by the Abbot of Worth Abbey, after an incredibly successful BBC series was filmed there.

You can find more information at : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monastery_(BBC_TV_series).

At the beginning of the documentary the Abbot describes silence (a key aspect to Benedictine life) as a spiritual bath, that you can get into to relax your spiritual muscles .That has to be the best way I have ever heard a way of embarking on a spiritual journey described, and it motivated me to look at an episode in entirety...And so I have spent this afternoon watching the complete series on YouTube and found it absolutely compelling. the warmth and human-ness of the monks, the fact that the BBC didn't make this some sensationalised or titillating bit of reality-TV, and that the programme is about the real struggles of real people and trying to make sense of the world.

The book is much the same - sure it deals with spiritual matters, but it's written in such accessible language and is so hands-on one could almost forget it's intention! I've been dipping in and out - just like a warm bath, and finding each chapter leaves me just a little more relaxed, a little more at ease with my spiritual life and body.

strategic planning for people

2011-10-07T20:45:00.000+13:00

I reckon that the same planning process that was used at my meeting yesterday would probably translate pretty well for the ordinary person.

Consider this: what if you could define and write down what your purpose in life was? In other words, what is your vision for your life, your reason for living, the thing you most want to leave as your legacy?
And then what if you could list your core values - the things you really believe and stand for, and try to live your life by?

How much easier would it be to make plans and set goals if you already had a life vision, and a set of guidelines! Imagine the dream...apply the boundaries (ie does it fit my vision for my life, does it fit my values). If it does, make the dream a plan...if it doesn't, start again, or find a redirection.

I think if we did this - and went back to it each year for evaluation, just like a business does (or should!), not only would our lives be simpler, more focussed, more DELIBERATE, but it would be so much easier to stay true to ourselves and reach the goals we really want to reach.

What is your purpose in life? What are your values? Do they match your hopes and dreams?

the overflowing brain

2011-10-06T20:47:00.001+13:00

Today I started a new job. In many ways it's a bit of a dream job too - great hours, good pay, convenience location, uses my skill set, but still gives me room to grow.

And I am feeling a bit overwhelmed - as today was strategic planning day for the upcoming year.

The first challenging thing was that I was part of the process not facilitating it (a bit of a shift for me who is usually the one wielding the whiteboard marker!). Which meant not only was I learning about this new organisation (being day one and all) but also that I was contributing to the goals and outcomes. What a great way to start a job!

Secondly I was sitting with twelve almost strangers - the only people I knew were the facilitator, the two people who had interviewed me for the job, and the person I am replacing - and I have only met them once before! So I felt like I had to be on my best behaviour and at the sharp end of what was happening all day (so much for under promise and over deliver...)

Finally, by the end of the day it had transpired that a very big proportion of the goals set will be either driven by me, or I will be doing the actual work to make them happen. That's a heck of a lot of pressure for a first day!

My mind is bursting. I have a huge pile of mind maps, illustrations and flowcharts that need to be turned into a strategic plan document (my first job!) but I don't think my head is up to it tonight.

There's new technology to master, new computer programmes, new routines and procedures, a lot of people to establish relationships with, a website to overhaul, and big shoes to fill.

I am really excited about the challenges of the job...just as soon as I get enough room in my brain to process them!

the ultimate blog challenge

2011-10-04T20:51:00.000+13:00

I recently announced on Facebook that I was close, oh so close, to reaching 3000 views of my blog. To me, this was a previously outrageous goal - in fact I was thinking that if I reached 1000 in the whole life of my blog I'd be a happy girl.

It must be said that my goals and in fact much of the content of this blog has evolved - especially from it's beginnings 5 years ago (apparently blog years are like dog years...so really it's a 35 year old blog...) and particularly as I've "caught my stride" over the past 6 months.

I like blogging. I like the idea that maybe someone, somewhere might read my words and be challenged or inspired, or think ''gee she's just like me''. I've become a vociferous reader of other blogs too, and have about 70 in google reader as well as a number of direct to email subscriptions. I understand that for the most part, bloggers are not getting rich from their blogs - in fact most do it purely for the enjoyment of writing - but there is always that thought at the back of my mind that perhaps one day the book that is said to be in all of us might come to fruition in part as a result of diligent blogging!

Three months ago I started a second blog. It's kind of anonymous due to the subject matter, and so now I furiously write for two. Both in different styles on completely different topics, and yet I think perhaps my "voice" is clear in both.

For me, the challenge is about refining my style, my voice and my subject matter - especially for this blog. I like knowing I'm part of something worldwide, even though we are all mostly lone voices sitting in front of our own laptops.

Come along for the ride - 30 days of blogging...and beyond:)

role modelling part 2

2011-10-02T20:15:00.000+13:00

A slightly surreal feel to my day today.

The Dancing Queen decided she wanted to make her bedroom 'beautiful'. Which means a pile of white towels with chocolates perched atop, at the end of the bed. The pictures and mirrors moved around, and dresser top cleared. It looks like a hotel mum!

Then the little engineer and I were invited into the room to play. The desk was set up with her pretend laptop, a pad of paper. A hat and glasses on the side. We were invited to sit on the couch in her room. She swung round on the office chair to face us and said 'right so I hear that you have a few problems and you need to talk to someone about them, so where shall we start?"...''

And finally, after dinner the engineer asked if he could have candles on the side of the bath 'because otherwise it's not a real spa'...

Oh dear...what have I been modelling!!!

finding role models

2011-09-29T23:38:00.000+13:00

Once a week I meet with a group of women and we talk about the big stuff. The group is partly bible study (although often we do not even get a bible out), and partly provoking and challenging discussing about life issues.

Today I posed the questions: who do you feel accountable to? And who are your role models?

The general feeling was that we felt mainly accountable to ourselves - that as usually wise, and mostly sensible, adults, we knew the difference between right and wrong, and in exercising good judgement had our own consciences as our guide - our accountability partner as it were.

Accountable has always sounded like a negative word to me - as in, you will be held accountable for your actions, which has a vaguely threatening tone in my opinion - but put this way it makes a whole lot more sense. If we have a sense of self responsibility, then we make our own judgements (and therefore can be aware of the consequences) of and to our actions.

Similarly, if we hold ourselves accountable to ourselves, then it seems to me that the best role model we can find is also ourselves - the best version of ourselves that we can strive to be.

I'm thinking this might be a great angle to take with the children. Instead of offering (or having them find) role models that they can either never live up to, or are unrealistic examples (like book characters), I think I'm going to talk more about self responsibility, and listening to the small voice of reason that we all have within us.

And if I can convince them that the best example they can follow is their best version of themselves, then maybe, they will be default become a great role model for each other as well.

life is not a competition

2011-09-25T11:17:00.000+13:00

I'm just amazed at how many companies have got on the bandwagon of online competitions. And they've made it so easy to 'win stuff'' just at the click of a button.

which sounds so appealing - two seconds and I'm in the draw to win a years supply of biscuits, or a new kind of deodorant, or a flat screen tv. Who wouldn't want to do it?

Well, me for one. In keeping with my ''simplicity'' mantra, I am making a deliberate decision not to LIKE anymore product pages on Facebook, and not to enter any of the competitions that come my way via email. (I don't get circulars in the letterbox so don't even know about the paperbased ones by default).

I figure that almost of the things we are being offered are just more stuff. Sure some of it's consumable (like the deodorant or the biscuits) but most is just going to be new replacement stuff for the things I already have. And realistically I don't need or want 25 packets of chocolate chippie biscuits in any case.

The idea of winning an overseas holiday is kind of appealing. Or even a new car. But again, the reality is that I probably couldn't afford, let alone justify, the spending money for a trip - and the insurance on a new car would be crippling (well I guess I could sell it....) - and besides the likelihood of winning those are pretty remote.

So, thanks but no thanks to the ipod, the makeup samples, the years subscription to SKY.

In the interests of simplicity, and as my own small move against consumerism, I choose to ignore the spam and concentrate on enjoying the things I already have.

making time

2011-09-20T10:28:00.000+12:00

I receive about 20 different regular subscriptions into my email each day. Several are around the themes of simple living and time management. The common theme is to DO LESS.

How has a week managed to rattle past without a post from me? I was so full of self-congratulatory motivation, posting every day...what happened?

Life happened. I applied for another job (still waiting for the outcome but heard it's a neck and neck race...), I worked all weekend. There was kid stuff, school stuff, house stuff. The other two jobs to do some hours on. A newspaper to write. A scout meeting. Time with family and friends. Dancing. (of course...). Rugby - I admit I watched a few minutes. Some exercise. Bad weather, good weather. Groceries to get. A crossword to complete. Blogs and subscriptions to read. A couple of lovely skype catch ups with friends not seen.

It's funny though, despite looking back on 7 days of apparent frenetic activity, I don't feel like I'm out of control, or not getting through my to do lists. (And yes I know there is current thinking - as per sites such as those above - that one should do away with lists altogether, but not from this choir!)

I like being busy. And I like feeling like my busy-ness is productive. And for me, that's the key. It doesn't really matter how your time is spent, as long as it feels meaningful, purposeful and satisfying. If that means two hours hugging a tree, reading a book, or working in the office - or cleaning the house so what? If it means packing the day with back to back appointments then all power to you.

I often joke that in a fire the first thing I would grab would be the laptop- only because my life would not function without google calendar!

Stop listening to how others tell you to relax or make your life meaningful and satisfying, and listen to what works for you. Starting now.

when the goal posts keep moving

2011-09-14T12:27:00.000+12:00

time for reflection

2011-09-13T10:17:00.000+12:00

I am a bit of a laundry queen. Self confessed and proud of it. My washing machine is on most days. I iron at least once a week - just about everything.

There's an argument that says life is too short to iron. A similar argument says that it's just fine to wear something for more than a day as long as it doesn't look dirty.

Well in this house, the clothes go in the laundry every day at bath time. (And yes, the children get compulsory baths every day). Whenever I can, I peg the washing on the line to dry rather than using the dryer. And pretty much everything except socks, towels and sheets gets ironed.

When the children were very young, hanging out washing was a bit of a nightmare. They always NEEDED me right as I was heading for the line. Ironing was a pain too - I couldn't do it when they were haring around the lounge for fear of the board being knocked over.

But now they're a bit older I have discovered something rather wonderful. The time I spend hanging out washing has become my reflection time. The children rarely come out (boring!) and so I can usually guarantee fifteen uninterrupted minutes Many an epiphany has been received while I've been standing at the line! It's a time to think about the stuff that matters!

Similarly, ironing night is my time too. . I usually take around an hour to do the ironing once a week. I might watch a DVD or have the radio on (no TV in the lounge). But like hanging out washing, it doesn't really take any brain space to do, it's not noisy or physically draining - like mowing lawns say , and it's something that really needs to be done in one burst. So it's the perfect time to think, to reflect, and to be a bit introspective. Which is something I think we should all do, and don't indulge in often enough.

So when someone says to me ''ironing!?! - I don't know where you find the time!'', or even ''ironing!?! - waste of time" - my response is, no way, that's one of the best hours I spend each week.

but it doesn't really fit with my lifestyle...

2011-09-12T09:49:00.001+12:00

I have a huge admiration for people who make deliberate choices about life.
The ones who make a decision - and follow through - to say, exercise every day, or become a vegetarian, or commit to a course of study.

The ones who say, NO! I will NOT work 50 hours a week. Or even the ones who say, actually yes I will work 50 hours a week because I have a goal and I need to do that to reach it.

I am amazed by the ones who manage to fit in two or three jobs, as well as family commitments, and volunteer time and still are able to put effort into looking after themselves by way of sport, or some other interest.

And I am saddened by how often I hear, particularly in my work, 'but i don't have time for that'', or ''I would love to do that but I just can't afford to, or ''i would give anything to be able to achieve that but it's just not possible right now''. And I'm partly sad because it's possible that those excuses - oops, I mean reasons - are valid. But I think more often than not those answers are excuses, not reasons.

If you don't have time for something, why not? Are the other things you are spending time on more important? Or just more urgent? Can you really truly not afford to do something (obviously there will be some things that really are out of your range right now) or is your money going elsewhere, maybe into something less satisfying? Would you really give anything to achieve that goal? Or is saying that just a way to make yourself feel better about the fact that you don't want it that badly?

I think we all make choices. I can argue that I don't have time to exercise every day. And that's true. But only because I don't seriously make it a priority, every day. I like the IDEA of exercising daily, but not the reality. That's the reality!

I can't afford to take the kids to Europe this year. Or next year. Or probably in the next 5 years. But if I really, really want to make it happen, I could plan for it and redirect some of my money toward saving for it.

I often hear myself saying, oh I would give anything to be able to go and be a full time writer. Well, maybe not anything. It's a figure of speech if I'm honest. I'd love to be a full time writer - no, let me say I love the IDEA of being one. But in reality? Maybe not.

My ''lifestyle'' allows me to do just about anything I want, within reason, and with focus and determination. It's just a matter of deciding what my real priorities are- (defining them), and then making some intentional plans to make them happen. Which might mean changing my lifestyle, or it might mean changing my priorities.

How about you?

i want i want i want

2011-09-11T09:14:00.000+12:00

Following on from the (dubious) success of the bead reward system, I agreed to take the children to spend their earnings.

The little engineer has developed an aversion to the $2 shop (et al), thanks to the last couple of purchases breaking almost immediately. His response - well it's just cheap rubbish there! The dancing queen is really only interested in buying lollies and stationary.

So, in a flash of inspiration I offered to take them to the Saturday market in the city. The main street of quite a poor neighbourhood is shut down every weekend and the street is filled with stall holders selling second hand clothes, imported Chinese knock-off games, dodgy jewellery and food of questionable nutritional value. Add in lots of buskers selling Cd's of their music, thousands of people negotiating prams and dogs, and it has quite the atmosphere for a morning out.

We'd only been there 2 minutes and it started. I want this. I want that. I want candyfloss. I want hot chips. I want that plastic helicopter. It was revolting. Whilst I was happy for the children to have some jurisdiction over how they spent their money ($5 each), I also had some restrictions. Unfortunately, everything they wanted was on the embargoed list.

I endured an hour before escaping to the calm and order of K-Mart.

pondering the meaning of life

2011-09-08T19:56:00.000+12:00

Once a week, for the past two years, a group of women have been meeting at each others house.

We spend about 2 hours together and during that time, as well as eating the yummy morning tea put on by the hostess, we talk about the meaning of life.

This started as a result of a couple of us wanting to join a bible study group. The group has evolved as some have moved to full time employment. New people have joined us and we have sadly said goodbye to others. Our kids ages and stages have changed a bit - most are now at school - and for some of us there have been shifts in life circumstances.

Sometimes we actually do study bits of the Bible, but more often than not we talk about broader issues - for example today we tackled the idea of 'narrow minded-ness'- a word often used to describe Christians, but which just as easily could apply to staunch atheists - or any other '-ists'' for that matter! We've looked at friendship, the importance/point of prayer, our gifts and strengths, parenting, stress, and social and moral issues/dilemmas

We've shared a lot of ups and downs in each others lives, there's been some crying, a fair bit of laughing, lots of sharing of disastrous parenting experiences, a bit of spouse-whinging, and great celebrations of milestones in each others lives.

These women are my friends, my confidantes, my cheerleaders, my shoulder to cry on. And I for them. On many things we agree to disagree, on others we are staunchly in harmony. there's some ground rules - such as honouring and respecting each others points of views - but it's also OK to challenge - gently! - or question someone more on their thoughts. It's made us all think a whole lot more about what we really believe in, and why.

Even in my busiest week, these two hours are precious and I do my very best to keep this time un-challenged by other stuff. It's awesome and I feel privileged and humble to belong to such a circle of amazing women.

what? I can't hear you!

2011-09-07T17:24:00.000+12:00

Sometimes there's things that just have to be said.
Sometimes the right thing to do is to be a bearer of bad news.
Sometimes you are going to be the messenger that someone wants to shoot.

It can be really hard to tell a person something they don't want to hear. If it's particularly ugly, they'll probably go through the Kubler-Ross defined cycle of shock-anger-denial-depression (or bargaining)-acceptance.

You will probably get told that you're not very good at communicating.

Now, it could be true. You might not be a good communicator - but it's just as likely that the person you're communicating with is not communicating so well at that time either. That's because there's a good chance that your message isn't really sinking in. And after all, why would it - the recipient is being told something they don't want to hear.

I reckon this applies to kids, to customers, to significant others, to just about every situation in our lives when we are having to deliver, or receive, a bit of news we don't want to face.

But the fact remains, that sometimes the truth hurts. And just because you don't like the message you're being given, that doesn't mean that the person giving it to you is doing a bad job of getting it across.

what world cup?

2011-09-05T21:23:00.000+12:00

I'm seriously underwhelmed by all this Rugby World Cup hype.

Yes I know that probably makes me unpatriotic, but there it is. Frankly, I think the country can ill afford it.
I could count on one hand the number of people I know who have tickets to live matches. Another hand might be filled with names of those who are intending to go and watch at one of the public mega-screens (is that what they are?).

I guess I'll watch the opening ceremony - but only because that's the bit that is the most interesting to me, much as the ceremonies for the Olympic Games seem far more exciting that watching the actual sport.

I feel I should be more enthusiastic. This is after all, an international sporting event being held in almost my own back yard. It's supposedly going to put NZ on the map (eerm aren't we there already) and bring millions of dollars into our economy (yeah right). It's going to unite us as a country, give us a national focus away from the doom and gloom of the economy and post-Christchurch stress, and of course, we (as in NZ, the All-Blacks) are going to make the final.

I really know nothing about rugby - I don't get the scoring, I don't really understand the rules, and 90 minutes of having to sit and watch other people running around getting hot and sweaty? Well, no thanks. I like to participate in things not spectate. Guessing no-one's going to ask me over to watch the match next week!

omnipotence and other things 8 years understand without asking

2011-09-04T15:20:00.000+12:00

We have had a young house guest for the weekend. Following the success of her younger sisters visit a couple of weeks ago, she asked if she might attend church with us this morning.
I am a somewhat estrwhile attendedee these days - as I work for a Christian organisation as well as being involved with several ministries locally, I often find by Sundays I am rather churched out!
But today i knew there was to be a Christening, and so I was happy to accomodate.
We walked there as it was a beautiful sunny morning.
She asked some questions - what was church like? what would we do there/ who would be there?
I answered vaguely but with enthusiasm. She was interested and intrigued, as only an 8 year old can be, by the explanations of something she knows nothing about.
Then a series of questions which absolutely blew me away: Is God at church? Yes, i said, He is. How do you know? Have you seen Him? Me: well not seen, but I have felt him, like a warm breeze at the beach.
Reflective silence.
What's this christening thing? It's where we introduce a baby to God and tell the baby how special he is to us and to God.
Ok, so is God at church or is God everywhere? Me - well I think He is everywhere.
So why do we need to go to church then?

I had a moment of blind inspiration ( A god moment!!!). Well, you know how your Mum teaches people to dance? And you can dance anywhere right? But sometimes you want to go where you are will other people who are dancing, and where you can learn more about dancing. She nodded, she got that.
So, that's kind of like church. But instead of learning dancing we learn and think about God.

I was pretty proud of that answer.

But it made me realise - she is right. God is everywhere. And whilst I'm sure he is glad that we make an effort to turn up in church on a Sunday, if it's not part of what we do on a regular basis, he probably doesn't mind to much about that either.

onwards and upwards

2011-09-03T22:00:00.003+12:00

I've had a really busy work week and still have a couple of fairly big deadlines that are getting closer - instead of waving at me from a safe distance they are now at the finger-wagging-directly-in-my-line-of-vision stage.

But despite being busy, the time has come that I cannot survive with a couple of 'nice little jobs'' any more. Business is tough right now. In fact I'd say that the past 6 weeks or so have been the toughest I've seen and I'm hearing that from everyone

So I have been quietly sourcing other work, and looking at how I can increase my income without increasing the hours I work too dramatically. No easy task. But I am delighted to have found a couple more good potential clients and this is spurring me on.

I am exceptionally proud of my other big achievement this week though - I have built, pretty much from the bottom up (although using a template....) a website for my consultancy. have a look here!

This is the second website I have done this year (the other one is here!) and there is huge satisfaction in it for me, even though I am not, by nature, a detail kind of person. Writing the content is my favourite bit - and working out how to get everything in the right place and correctly formatted is certainly my least favourite.

It's a good skill to have though I think, and another 'string to my bow'. I am carefully looking at each of my skills and working out how best I can utilise them. .

The biggest challenge for me is actually putting into practice the advice I give my own clients! I can happily tell others to plan, to be judicious, to evaluate, to take advice, to be impartial, to focus on the things that are the simplest - all that great advice! - but it is way way harder applying it to myself.

Perhaps I need a coach?

salt of the earth

2011-09-01T22:50:00.000+12:00

I recently gave some salt to a friend as a gift.

It was in a tiny tin - perfect for travelling, if only one needed to carry such a thing!

I admit, the cute packaging was an appeal when i saw it on the shelf. But that little box of salt resonated on a deeper level for me.

Salt is amazing stuff.

It can cure, it can soothe, but on a raw wound it can cause incredible pain in the process of healing.

It can enhance something delicious but just as easily ruin it, if administered in the wrong volume.

It can be used to make something last for a very long time.

It can be used to protect and cherish something special.

You don't need much to make a real difference.

It comes in many different colours and shapes and sizes - and origins!, from all over the world, but essentially it is the same on the inside no matter what it looks like or where it's from.

If it's not well looked after well, it will change it's form and can become almost unusable.

It can, if cared for well, last forever.

A bit like friendship really.

a barrel of monkeys

2011-08-29T21:46:00.000+12:00

The children have been away since Saturday morning. The house was quiet, calm, ordered for a whole 48 hours.
I ate what I felt like, slept in, listened to my own music.

Today I worked. Well, a little! And then at 3 o-clock I walked down to school to pick them up.
We wandered home slowly and discussed the merits of eating ice cream for afternoon tea (several) and doing homework (few).

Within five minutes the order was shattered. Bags, coats, drink bottles, homework books, lunch boxes - how can two kids create so much chaos in such a short time!?

We trundled through homework, afternoon tea and so on, and I surveying the mess.

My first thought was to banish them outside and get straight on with recreating order. Until the little engineer walked up beside me and said 'will you play a game with me'? Ordinarily I would respond, yes of course, as soon as I have tidied up. But, something today made me stop. I looked at him and said, sure! And sat right down before I had a chance to so much as empty a lunchbox.

Now this is no mean feat for me and I had to make a real effort not to look at the bench!

We played Barrel of Monkeys for about 10 minutes - undistracted and just enjoying each other's company. by 15 minutes he had had enough, and as usual the phone rang and it was work and I was taken away by it. But he was absolutely delighted with that window of undivided Mum time, and quite content by then to continue playing the game alone.

It was a good lesson for me. I've heard it said that life is not a Barrel of Monkey's. But sometimes I think maybe we need to make it so.

a human doing

2011-08-28T10:27:00.000+12:00

There is no doubt about it, I have a busy life. Yet I also have good chunks of time where I think 'what now?'

It's very unsettling... after all, how could this be? Between my two kids, three jobs, four volunteer positions, and quite an array of interesting hobbies you could argue that there's not much time left over.

I see a similar thing going on with some of the clients I work with - albeit on a slighter different scale. They are working like mad in their business or organisation, their productivity is at an all time high, and yet they feel like they are not really making any progress. The business isn't growing, it's not as profitable as once it was, or they are getting lower numbers to their activities.

It's frustrating, disheartening even. We're told that the harder we work the better the results - whether that be in business, or studying, or in our relationships!

There will always be things we do that are not fulfilling. But I need to know that at least I am moving forward, and that the things I am doing each day are making a difference to someone else, even if not to me. Sometimes I probably need to stop evaluating and just enjoy the moment a bit more.

I'm not very good at sitting still and taking stock - which is kind of funny since that's what I teach other people to do! But sit still I must. Sometimes it might mean taking a total respite from my daily life - no phone, no email, no jumping in and out of the car. Sometimes I think I need to take a really hard look at what I 'm actually doing and make a hard call on just how productive or rewarding it actually is.

I need to spend some time working ON me, not just working.

I need to learn to be a human being, not just a human doing.

square pegs in round holes

2011-08-26T20:00:00.000+12:00

Do you ever feel like one?

101 reasons not to

2011-08-24T15:27:00.000+12:00

Yesterday, my word of the day was procrastinate. And i wrote of the current fashion of accumulating superficial online relationships in lieu of meaningful, effort-required ones. What a way to celebrate my 100th blog.

I reckon that putting things off until the last minute would have to be one of my best skills.

I've mentioned before that I work best under pressure, and the realisation I have come to is that when I am in a frame of mind to NOT want to do something (whether that be something I enjoy or not), I am better to just leave it and go and do something else. No matter that I invariably make the ''something else'' an unproductive, or often not even particularly enjoyable something!

It's hard when it's a frog that needs to be eaten. It's unbelievably frustrating when I know it's something that will result in income and still I am putting it off. It's simply discombobulating when it's something I actually enjoy doing. What is this ability I have to put off and put off and put off?

Right now I have two, no make that three, fairly significant deadlines looming. A report that is due (and without it in I won't be paid for the month). An editorial and some articles to write for the paper (a self imposed deadline of this weekend for that one). And some email that really need to be addressed in the next half an hour.

But what am I doing instead? Writing a blog about my own procrastination.

are we friends yet?

2011-08-23T13:22:00.001+12:00

I have a friend (a real one!) who has an exceptionally busy and popular facebook page. there's over 700 'friends'on his list.

I know other people with similar amounts and I wonder...how many of these people are actually friends? And when did collecting friends become a national hobby?

Someone told me that we can expect to have about 5 real friends in our lives - that is, by the time we reach the end of it all, we can look back and see less that half a dozen people who have lasted the distance and who we could really count as special. That's the ones who are there for the trials and triumphs, no matter what.

I know another person who used to take literally hundreds of photographs. Boxes, albums full, pretty much all shots of people having fun. She said that by looking at the photos she could convince herself what a good time she was having. Which is completely different to looking at photos to remember what a great time you actually had.

So these thousands of aquaintances that we have.. are these also just examples of how we need to be reminded of our own importance...our own significance in life? Why do we accumulate them in the first place? If 15 people instant message me each evening can I then be satisfied that I am liked, loved, popular? And if no-one does, do I then need to consider myself, well, a bit of a social failure?

If I don't answer an email for 24 hours, don't post a facebook status for a week, and don't tweet anymore, who is really going to care? In fact, who is actually going to notice?

Is this another part of life that needs some serious decluttering?

you get what you pay for

2011-08-21T21:55:00.000+12:00

When it comes to making plans, there are a hundred and one different experts out there ready to tell you how to do it. My best friend google has literally thousands of downloadable plans for everything from starting a business, or changing career, to building a house or raising a child!

In my line of work (that would be coaching micro-businesses and NFP sector groups for those who didn't know...), there are websites, books, mentor programmes and personal coaches (like me) who can help keep people on track.

Most people don't want to pay for advice. And I understand that for many small businesses, especially in the start up phase, they simply don't have a few thousand dollars to spend on a business coach. It's seen as an indulgence not an investment.

But it IS an investment! the coaches job varies - sometimes it's helping to set direction. Other times it's being a cheerleader. Sometimes it's about kicking butt! But mostly it's to keep someone focussed, on track, and accountable for their actions and goals.

Here's some awesome quotes about coaching...

http://www.salescoachinghabits.com/fortune-500-sales-coaching-quotes

So, by all means, download something from the internet. Use programmes like the NZ business mentor scheme. Join a networking group. Talk to other business owners.

But know that until you make an INVESTMENT, you are not going to get much of a return.

flat out doing nothing

2011-08-16T22:32:00.000+12:00

How can it be that the busier I am - or at least, the busier I should be - the harder it is for me to find motivation?

Logically, if there's a to-do list as long as my arm - and at least as far as my elbow is going to result in income for effort, I should be right up there ready to get stuck in.

I know I am well organised - there is seldom a long to-do list on my fridge. But because I juggle several part time jobs around the children and various other commitments, I do have to manage my time pretty carefully.

One thing I have learned about myself over recent years is that I work best under pressure

Most people just can't operate that way. They need time to plan. Time to consider, time to organise.

Not me. So if I have two weeks to complete a project, rather than planning, spacing and timing it over that two weeks, I am far more likely to indulge in some serious faffing for 10 days, followed by one or two days of anxiety and then the final 24 hours in a complete head spin of productivity.

The lesson i have learned through this though, is not that I need to change the way I operate and become better at spreading out a workload, but that if this is my style, I need to work with it. So now, when a deadline is looming, I know that I am far more likely to need to finish my crossword/write my blog/tidy the pantry than to start work - and that in fact, if I do that I am going to be far more productive in the long run.

the nightmare continues

2011-08-14T22:31:00.000+12:00

A couple of months ago I wrote a blog about my ongoing battle with nightmares.
I'd been feeling pretty smug about things - hadn't had any bad ones for a while and even my sleep patterns seemed to have marginally improved - waking only two or three times in a night instead of the usual half dozen.

But, sadly, the dreams are back, and bigger and scarier than ever.

This is such a frustration for me. A friend described dreams as simple mental housekeeping. That makes the dreams seem less scary in retrospect, but gee I wish my brain could come up with a new processing system!

There are recurrent themes, in fact recurrent plots and characters - but none of it makes any sense.

I wouldn't mind, except that I HATE waking up feeling distressed and disoriented. (And as I've mentioned before, waking up this way on my own).

My readership has grown since my last post about this - maybe someone else can give me some insights?

the paradox of living in a world of possibilities

2011-08-13T13:08:00.000+12:00

Sometimes it seems that the world literally is our oyster. The possibilities and opportunities lay spread before us, glittering with potential.
Should i live here? or there? Should I date him? or him? Should I take this job? Or that one? Could I learn this skill? Or that skill?

We live in a world of immediacy where we are promised our hearts desires are literally only a click away. A new friend, a new career, a new house is there for the coveting 24/7.

Certainly this can be incredibly liberating and exciting - that feeling of being in control of our own lives and our own choices.

But what about when the choices become overwhelming? Instead of the two or three cars at the yard to choose from, there is now entire websites devoted to convincing you to buy one of 5000. Instead of a traditional boy meets girl model, you can choose to 'date' as many people as you wish - concurrently - for as long as you wish. Instead of the well worn path of work, save, buy a house, we have the option of living somewhere new every 6 months.

And yet, for most of us - the reality is we don't make any of those choices.

With all those amazing things just waiting to be experienced, perhaps we don't want to risk missing out on any of it. Maybe we don't trust our own judgement enough to be able to commit a first YES or NO? Or maybe we just like having a backup plan?

Partly perhaps because saying YES to one thing, means saying NO to something else. Which requires commitment, and risking ourselves.

I read once of the ubiquitous can't commit man. He said to his girlfriend ''let's not have a family - when it's just us we can fly off to Paris at a moments notice...or get it on in the kitchen any afternoon we want...or eat out every night.''. but after 10 years, they had not once been to Paris, the kitchen remained unsullied, and they ate dinner on their laps in front of the TV most evenings.

Seems the possibility of choice is far more exciting that the reality of actually making one.

when sparks fly

2011-08-11T19:47:00.001+12:00

In my line of work it's important to have a connection with my clients - in fact without that I could not do what I do. Often those clients become friends of long-standing. We are able to move beyond the professional relationship and find even more commonalities.

I also seem to have a knack for getting alongside people and making friends. I do feel truly blessed to have this gift too (even though some of the things I know about some of them, I wish I didn't;)).

I have also been blessed to meet a number of people this year that this has happened with. All different personalities but with some common life-threads. Men and women, older and younger.

Don't you love it when you meet people and have an instant connection with them? When conversation is easy, the minutes disappear into hours, when you leave thinking 'gee i would've talked longer'? Sometimes it's a mental connection, sometimes it's kind of... a boy/girl spark thing...sometimes there's a real spiritual synergy (which sounds a bit cringey and supercilious but the readers who know me will understand my drift here).

These relationships take time to develop of course, but I have at last accepted that there are just some people that you 'gel'with and others you don't. True, it can be hard to lead a group, or engage with a non-geller, but I am learning to keep those conversations short and to the point, leaving more time to explore the fun and excitement of building connections with those I feel affinity to.

clearly the worlds WORST parent

2011-08-10T23:11:00.000+12:00

describes how I feel, often.

Oh I want to be an ever-loving, calm parent who can gently cajole their children into eating vegetables, having a bath, getting out of said bath, emptying said bath, and reminding children that the water really truly ought to remain in said bath, not on the bathroom floor.

But, instead, at around 5.30 each evening, as the sun sets over my house, I turn into a grumpy grizzly impatient and unreasonable version of myself that knows no bounds when it comes to forcing their kids to eat vegetables, get in the bath, get out of the bath, empty the bath and LEAVE THE WATER IN THE BATH.

By 8 pm, instead of all sitting cosily on the couch playing an educational board games, or sharing anecdotes of the day, I am the mother threatening to withdraw all TV viewing privileges for 2011, using a tightly controlled voice to describe JUST how cross I am becoming, and with my lips set into a definite cats bum, I move from room to room harrumphing and muttering, more early-Alzheimer's-onset than loving mother of two gorgeous children.

By 8.30, having exhausted all possible threats, bribed, wheedled, moaned and finally shouted (yes, you read that right, shouted) that I WILL NOT come back in ANY more times, and NO you can not have a glass of milk, and YES it is an hour past your bed time, and NO you may not sleep in my bed with me tonight, I look at my sleepy snuggled children, smother them in hugs and kisses, find myself apologising, again, for being a grumpy mummy, and retire to the lounge, where a trashy DVD and a glass of Pinot Noir will accompany me for the evening.

Got to love being a mother aye.

everyone is entitled to my opinion

2011-08-09T10:46:00.000+12:00

Big excitement on this side of the laptop this morning as my blog reached 2000 views. I can only assume that there must be a heap of secret followers that I am yet to meet!

It's been an evolving process this thing, and I'm not sure if I have really settled into a "theme"yet (which all the blog-mentors tell us we should be doing!).

It seems in some ways like quite a narcissistic pursuit, this sharing my opinions with the world. But I'd like to think that if nothing else, I'm giving some food for thought - and maybe the odd phew I'm glad I'm not her! response!

I wish, I wish I could write like this for a living. But the reality is, with 100 million blogs out there, and goodness knows how many freelance feature writers, e-book authors and guest bloggers, this may remain just a hobby for some time yet.

When you hear of someone who wants to actually pay me to give them my opinion...please let me know.

feeling special

2011-08-07T15:58:00.001+12:00

One of the many hats I wear is that of coach. As part of this, I do business coaching for micro-businesses (that's the little ácorn' businesses of just one or two people)

I've been doing this for almost 15 years, and worked with literally hundreds of people with great ideas, lots of passion, often plenty of drive and commitment and usually not much money.
Many businesses have done well, and many haven't.
There are just a handful of reasons, I think, why some manage to stay (more than afloat) and go on to become successful.
- the first is that the business owner has a real vision of where they want to be with their business.
- the second is that they have a commitment to that success. including down the boundaries for what they will and will not do to make this happen.
- the third is they really understand where their skills, and passion lie.

But one of the standout reasons that these businesses manage to keep their customers coming back time and time again?
They treat their customers like individuals. As a small business they know that the personal touch is what separates them from the big corporates. In fact that's often their only difference - the product, the margins and prices, even the service standards could well be the same. But these people KNOW their customers.

They make friends of their customers, understanding them in a way that a large company just cannot do.
They listen, and act, (intentionally and wisely) on the feedback of their customers. The customers believe that they are cared about and valued.

It can be difficult to maintain boundaries for small business owners - and this is a fine line, especially in a business centred on hospitality or wellbeing. The successful businessowner finds and keeps this boundary, all the while embracing the unique position they play in the customers lives. They go the extra mile, they consider each business decision in light of what is already working well in their business with their most consistent and loyal customers.

And, in turn, these customers will, and do, become loyal for life. They will spend more money, for a whole lot less effort than the owner might have to make to attract a new customer. They will tell their friends. They are often far more willing to offer feedback, both positive and negative, than the customer of a corporate.

They feel special.

the quest for simplicity

2011-08-06T17:29:00.000+12:00

As you know, I'm all for keeping things simple.
That means having less stuff - physical stuff, mental stuff, emotional stuff, even spiritual stuff.
It also means being intentional about the things, people, experiences, that accumulate going forward.

But I wonder - can this go a step too far?

http://guynameddave.com/100-thing-challenge/ is all about really paring down your possessions. But I think he's missed a pretty crucial point.
Sure we only need one chair to sit on. We only need a one-person sized bed. We really only need one knife and fork for that matter.

The argument goes, according to Dave and his ilk, that when one lives a transitory life (the roving author, the travel guide et al), one can manage with the contents of their backpack. So good so far.
But the reality is that for most of us, we need a place to call home. We can't afford to live in hotels. In fact we probably have no desire to do so. So that even if we only own 100 things (and this guy takes some poetic licence with that concept), we are still going to need to use a whole lot more than that.

Which means, doesn't it, that we will need to borrow those things from someone else? Whether that be by way of renting them, making use of public ones (hardly likely in the event of a bed or dining table!), or using the ones currently owned by others, we still can't get away from the fact that someday, somewhere, we are going to need more than those 100 things.

And whilst the idea of 'where-ever I lay my hat'' may sound appealing I think it has left out one really REALLY important consideration.

And that is, what about people? The best way to nurture those we love is to spend time with them. Which mostly means real human contact - consistently and constantly. Not so easy when you live out of a suitcase. The novelty of perching on someones single bed, eating every meal out of the same bowl is going to wear off pretty quick (trust me, I've been there!). I accept that hospitality is about people not places, but transit lounges and cafes are not sustainable when it comes to building trust and longevity into a relationship of any kind.

Sure, have as little 'stuff'as possible. Strive to be kind to the earth. Be responsible with money. Think how much more time you will have with less things to be concerned about. But don't make the mistake of paring your relationships down to the bare minimum too. Because they really can't survive on next to nothing.

count your blessings

2011-08-04T22:01:00.000+12:00

I applied for another job this week. The upside - a better career path, more variety, more income. the downside, more hours, more compromise on family, more time in the car. So why did I apply? Not because I don't like what I do now, not because I am eager to pursue a new career. No, it is because the lure of more money is very attractive. Now that's not to say that I wouldn't spend that money wisely, but the reality is that the extra income would most likely end up being largely redirected into the 'more of' category.

I heard this today:
Counting blessings helps us want less

One of the themes I keep coming back to in this blog is definitely simplicity, and so this really resounded with me.

It is so easy to want more, to be forever looking for more stuff, more experiences, more satisfaction...which of course is largely a fruitless exercise. but not so easy to find a real (and simple) antidote to all this want.

I think there's nothing wrong with aspiring for a 'better'life, for having goals and dreams and ambitions. The problem comes when we lose sight of the important things that we already have. I'm talking about more than those basic first world commodities like clean water and medical care. Starting by simply thinking about all the abundance in our lives - our families, friends, assets, depth of experience, reminds us that really, we want for little. And, by and large, we have everything we need.

It's about the richness that our lives offer - the music, the books, the ease of access to the outdoors, the amazing technology that allows us to so easily connect to the rest of the world. The relationships we start, grow, and nourish. The small pleasures of each day spent with the people we value most.

It takes conscious effort that's for sure. sometimes it's hard! I am the first to admit I get twingey when I see friends with things, experiences, relationships, that I want for myself.

And so back i need to go to my list.

Count your blessings, and want for less. Yes, that works for me.

was it something I said?

2011-08-01T20:47:00.000+12:00

I've got an underdeveloped skill of not taking things personally.
Yep, I'm the one that hears a comment and spends way too much time analysing it.
I'm the one who feels wounded when it had nothing to do with me.

So when I make a new friend and then the friendship kind of...dwindles...i can't help but think...is it me?

The logical response, is of course: don't be ridiculous. that person is probably busy/distracted/oblivious.

So far so good.

But then it happens again.

Manners maketh the man (or woman...)...let's see...

And then last week I had a particularly unpleasant exchange with a stranger. Which included, the second time I met her, me saying, oh I'm SURE I know you, you look so familiar. And her responding: Well I certainly don't know YOU and last time I saw you no one bothered to introduce us so I just thought I wouldn't bother talking to you.

Which I didn't take personally - I mean, good grief, is that about me? I don't think so!

Until...

Tonight.

A woman whom I know slightly. I say hello. Offer a boring time of day greeting. Compliment her on an event I attended that she had run. She responds with, yes well I'm very pleased for you. Really I am. I look flummoxed. She walks off.
I notice she is rubbing her temples. When I get the chance I go to her, say, oh are you ok, do you have a headache. She response with a laugh. Looks directly at me and says No! No I do not! Why would you think that!? Explain about temples. She responds: and what if I did, what would you be likely to do about it. I say, oh, maybe offer you a panadol? She responds again: Well, I think I am quite capable to bringing my own thanks. AND I am not here to chat you know. I have had a hard week.'' (((me, thinking ffs it's Monday!!!!))).

I know I shouldn't let it bother me. I know it's about her.
But honestly?
It's put me off ever returning to that place. I don't need to be around that kind of rubbish.
And twice in a week.
Forget it.

the window in my diary

2011-07-30T09:29:00.000+12:00

I applied for another job yesterday.
It's just part time, like the others. It will probably pay pretty badly, like the others. It will no doubt require a fair amount of juggling and creativity to get completed, much like the others.

But, it's also during term time. It's working with kids. It's flexible hours. It involves me getting out and about (rather than stuck in the office as oft I am). And so I reckon there's a few small windows in my diary that could easily be filled with income earning, productive activity.

When I updated my C.V. I was almost surprised to read that I'm actually probably quite an attractive candidate (sheesh pity the boys out there couldn't see that aye!)...I have the skills and experience that's required -although not the formal qualifications - and already have good industry contacts and connections.

So, you may ask, why am I mad enough to take on yet more work, when it would appear that my days are already full to bursting?

Well, the fact is, that I can't afford not to. And while it really is tempting to dump ALL of these part time bits and go find one, simple, wellpaying, full time job, I just can't see how I could get any quality of life from that. I want to be home for the children after school each day. I don't want to be arriving home at 5.30 on a cold and dark winter's night and then having to start dinner. I don't want to be spending 90 minutes a day travelling to and from work. I don't want to have to go and upgrade my wardrobe for office friendly clothes (let alone the extra time it takes to get ready in the morning).

I certainly don't want, at least while the children are young, to have to work through every school holiday, find care for them when they're sick, and miss all their important milestones and events at school.

Yes, it's a juggle with the $$$, and the time - to make sure every bit gets done well - but the payoffs are enormous.

From the outside my life appears to be already pretty frantic with work and family and those other commitments that eat up all the tape on my answerphone message, but actually I could easily fit a few more hours of something in.

I guess another upside of being disgustingly organised at home is that I spend a minimal amount of time on a 'to do around the house' list. I get to spend lots of times doing the things I love.

Besides, what would I do if I wasn't busy?

I'm in charge

2011-07-28T21:12:00.000+12:00

Reflections on the benefits of working for myself....

- I get to decide when I start and stop work
- Because my office is at home I can wear my slippers to work
- I get to choose when my coffee break is
- the harder I work, the more I earn
- I get to fit my job around my life, rather than my life around my job
- I get to do the things I really love - reading, writing, meeting people, helping, advising, organising (!)
- If I need a day off, I can just take it (although it means working twice as hard the next day)
- I'm a great boss:)

the best fun you can have with your clothes on

2011-07-27T09:12:00.001+12:00

This week I have been going to dancing lessons for 6 months.

I've been to 7 dance parties. One champs. One workshop. A couple of privates. About 35 group lessons at 3 different levels.

I've spent goodness-knows-how-much on i-tunes getting all the songs I love dancing to (ouch! and there's still more I want!)

I've been spun, dipped, dropped and seduced. Lifted, twirled, draped and cuddled.
I can even look at the list of moves being taught and recognise some of them!
I have quite a collection of swirly skirts, and light, dancer friendly tops. I've had a couple of errors of judgement - the dress that kept falling down (no more halter necks for this kid) and the one that turned out to be completely see through if I was too near the spotlights...
I've had the pleasure of dancing with most of the men I have wanted to dance with - and the dubious honour of a couple I was less than enthusiastic about. There's still a couple on the list of 'dance with me's!' but I'm even getting brave enough to do the asking myself now. I've even danced with some of the best in the country (poor things!)

I've danced with the shortest, the tallest, the slimmest, the fattest, the sweatiest, the best smelling and the cutest men ever to be found in one room.
I've been told to use more pressure, less pressure, go slower, go faster, concentrate more, concentrate less, get closer, move back, hang on and let go.
I've woken up aching all over.
I've found some wonderful new friends, both men and women, from all walks of life, and got way better at small talk.
I've introduced my children to a new way of socialising, exercising and having fun, and they too can't wait to learn.

I hear the music, see the lights, and my heart sings.

the best fun you can have with your clothes on

crossing the line

2011-07-24T14:10:00.001+12:00

I've never been very good with boundaries.

Not that I'm one for pushing them, oh no, far from it. But I do seem to have a special gift for letting others trample over mine.

I think I have an idea why too, and it's all to do with Gary Chapman. I've talked before of his ideas about 'love languages' and how i believe that we can give in one language but prefer to receive in another.

I did his checklist again recently and my NO 1 language for receiving 'love'is words of affirmation. I was kind of surprised by this - I mean, I thought I would much rather have had a cuddle....or a box of chocolates:). But, there it is, and on reflection, I think it's probably accurate. (And it's also accurate that I'm not very good at giving those words back - much easier to offer a cuddle or a box of chocolates!)

So, I think that maybe this is related to my underdeveloped skill's of maintaining boundaries.

Let me explain:

I'm not one who is used to getting compliments. I find upward feedback, appraisals, performance reviews, and so on, excruciating. although that's mainly because I dread the 'formative feedback'(or whatever other rubbish title we use to mask criticism). You see, as much as I love getting words of affirmation, I loathe getting criticised. Nothing makes me feel crappier than a casually tossed critique of my clothes/cooking/personality/parenting style. And so obviously, nothing makes me sparkle more than a positive comment, a warm remark, a generous compliment. Note carefully - nowhere is the word honest mentioned here. Why? because I am, frankly, a bit gullible....I like those affirmations so much I have a terrible habit of tending to overlook their credibility or authenticity. and in the same way that those unkind words can reduce me to a shiver, the kind ones can make me excuse or rationalise all kinds of behaviours!

Now, I'm not saying for a minute that I think people are switched on to this, and deliberately try to praise others for ill gotten gains. I think most of us are genuine when we say good things about another.

I also don't think that putting up deliberate roadblocks is good either - way to easy to become cynical that way!

But, it's just way too easy to hear some good words, bask in the warmth of them, and then as a result see one's boundaries melt away into a murky puddle of good intention and vague regret.

How do you maintain boundaries? and what tempts you to push them - or let others over them?

Life is beautiful

2011-07-21T23:31:00.001+12:00

Today was a great day. This week has been a great week. It has, in fact, been a great month.

I've been busy. Reconnected with some old friends. made some new ones.

I've worked hard, studied a little less. Played, a lot. Discovered some new things. Shared some triumphs and confidences, celebrated some milestones, set and even met some goals.

And now, I am on holiday. I am staying with family, spent time with one of my closest friends today, and this week have had some awesome time, and fantastic conversations, with some of my favourite people

I cooked an amazing dinner tonight (if i do say so myself!) and there was literally not even a breadcrumb left in the dish - everything demolished with gusto by those I prepared it for.

Today I walked on a beautiful beach, marvelled at the crazy waves and wind, collected shells with my children. Drank good coffee. Bought a new dress. Completed a crossword. Took a long and uninterrupted shower. Watched comedy and laughed. Watched a documentary and discussed it.

The 'bug'i was fighting is nearly gone.

I have even had a a couple of good nights sleep in the past two weeks.

Tomorrow I plan to go dancing. And the next night (why not make it 4 times in one week I say!).

Life is good.

the straight line of life

2011-07-17T10:49:00.000+12:00

I grew up with a certain expectation of how life was going to turn out - or at least how it OUGHT to be...

- be diligent at school, discover something i really liked doing and was good at

- make some nice friends, stay on the 'straight and narrow'in order to avoid the perceived dangers in the world

- get a good job, have a couple of nice hobbies

- travel a little, maybe live in a different culture

- fall in love, get married, buy a house, maybe have some children, live happily ever after

Well, I was pretty diligent at school, a bit of a geek who hung out in the music department and was hopeless at sports. I had NICE friends who went to church every weekend, dated from within the youth group, and mostly, married their first love.

I got a great job, that paid well, (no university for this chick, way too scary!), and started travelling overseas on my own at only 16.

I had a nice boyfriend, a nice car, a nice job.

Life looked pretty good. But I was BORED...stifled, sure there was some excitement to be had.

I went overseas again. Had a couple of disastrous relationships with the 'wrong kind'' of boys. did some more travelling. Fell in love. Got a good job. Got married. Had a career. Travelled some more. Moved to a gorgeous house in the country. Had children.

My marriage ended. Hang on, that wasn't in the plan!

This weekend marks three years for me of living in my own house, parenting alone. the childrens father now has a very active part in their lives and is a great dad. In fact he brought dinner here last night and we shared it together with the children. In some ways we get on better, even parent more effectively, than when we were married. the children were so young when it ended - only 1 and 4 at the time.

In the past three years I have developed some wonderful friendships, thrown myself into my community, found a job I love, settled into my life. But most of what i did revolved around the children (as well it should). I ventured into the mad world of second-time dating and relationships with spectacular non-success (I met some great people, even had my heart bruised a bit, but no soul mate...yet!). This year I started to step outside of my own life and try some new things. It's made me more confident in myself, and helped me, in some ways, to re-find myself. I've done some things that are completely out of my comfort zone, had totally new experiences, and tested some boundaries that I know now I have no wish to test again!

I feel like I know myself better than I ever have. The stuff that's important, the values I want to hold on to, the kind of people and experiences I want to embrace. My deal breakers. (Ask me another time...)

This really isn't what i signed up for. But even thought the line of of my life is rather more wiggly than lineal, I am managing to stay on it. Mostly.

“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.”
T.S. Eliot quotes (American born English Editor, Playwright, Poet and Critic, 1888-1965)

four seasons in one day

2011-07-12T14:20:00.000+12:00

The weather has been incredible here over the past couple of weeks.

Fine one day, stormy the next, warm, cold, unpredictable.

An early afternoon of sunshiney promise fast turning into a night of excitement - thunder, lightening and hail, and then, a nondescript who-knows kind of morning to follow.

Oh there were warning signs - that ominous grey cloud overhead, the uncanny stillness that often precedes a spectacular storm, the teasing rays of sun poking through the clouds each day, only to disappear in a flurry of rain, or wild wind.

And the aftermath? Another weird combination of the inevitable and the unexpected. The things I would expect be most damaged appear, on the surface at least, to have survived relatively unscathed. The frost tender plants I am nurturing for spring have not been harmed at all. The garden I look at everyday is worse for wear, but will, no doubt, 'weather the storm', and in a few weeks be back to normal. The longer lasting effects of such mad weather remain to be realised.

Seems to me the weather is like people...or is it that people are like the weather....subject to change, vulnerable to outside influences, and yet, at heart, both predictable and cyclic.

incentive based play

2011-07-08T16:15:00.000+12:00

Stole an idea from a friend yesterday.
Went to the $2 shop and bought a bag of marbles. put them in a jar in a visible spot in the kitchen.
Labelled two clear drinking glasses, one for each child.
Announced that for each time they did something on the FIRST ASK, WITHOUT COMPLAINING they would receive a marble in their glass.
Each marble is worth 10 cents.
At the end of each week the jar of marbles will be exchanged for real money.
so far so good, never had so many chores completed with so little fuss.
watch this space:)

quickeasycheaphealthy

2011-07-06T09:17:00.000+12:00

http://quickeasycheaphealthy.com/2011/07/guest-post-the-herb-garden/

Today I'm guesting over here...go check it out!!!

free your mind! (and the rest will follow...)

2011-07-05T22:42:00.000+12:00

I couldn't believe it - there in my news feed today, a blog I read has a post on simple thought (http://mnmlist.com/) - the very topic for this, part 3 of the 'stuff it!'series.

I made a decision about 10 years ago to stop drinking instant coffee. There were several reasons - one, I felt I was drinking too much coffee and figured if I cut out instant it would be more effort, and therefore less frequent, to drink espresso. Secondly, it doesn't actually taste very nice. And thirdly, it quite appealed to me to have just that one option when it came to coffee. I've refined that even more now and only ever drink plunger coffee at home, and a simple flat white when I'm out.

I agree that it is good to try new things, and that there is pleasure and adventure in experimenting with new thoughts, tastes, experiences, - and that it is easy to get 'stuck' when doing the same things day in day out. But the appeal of the simplicity of narrow choice holds great appeal for me too. Again, not at the cost of being boring, or inflexible, but certainly for the freedom it affords.

For example, by just only ever drinking one kind of coffee, I like that I know what I'm going to get, I like that i don't have to umm and ahh in a shop. I am scarcely an alcohol drinker, but invariably choose Pinot Noir - it goes with most things, I know what I'm getting, it takes away the umming and aahing!

I've simplified lots of things from the 'çonsumable"" part of my life (which of course still leaves plenty of room for adventure and experimentation elsewhere!). The same brands of certain foods over and over again. Makes for a quick shop! The same petrol station, ditto. I follow '"Trinny and Susannahs'" ( rules when shopping for clothes - boy does that make life simpler! http://www.bbc.co.uk/lifestyle/tv_and_radio/what_not_to_wear/whattowear_index.shtml

It's about being smart. taking the boring, mind cluttering stuff away so that your time, thoughts and energies can be focused on the things you love.

Some other ideas I've heard of - always buying the same colour towels. Deliberately avoiding newspapers and (especially) glossy circulars - a right royal source of TMI if ever there was one! Get rid of all your cookbooks bar the one or two you actually use all the time. Put all bills on automatic payment/direct debit so that's one more thing that doesn't have to be thought about. Paying everything by the week or fortnight can work too - as well as being able to budget better, there's no worrying about massive annual insurance or rates bills.

I've long held to the view (and obviously Oprah heard it from me...) that if you have lots of stuff in your physical life, it can be representative of the stuff in your spiritual/emotion life that needs sorting. Conversely, having a sorted head (metaphorically speaking) may well show itself as an orderly outer life. (Yes this is a broad generalisation but I'm just putting it out there....)

And so, the fewer unnecessary decisions we need to make about trivial things on a day to day basis, the better i reckon!

I like mnmlist. I love the idea of living simply. I do my best and I reckon I'm doing an OK job (although there's always room for improvement...just keep away from my sock drawer....).

stuff it - part two

2011-07-03T20:16:00.002+12:00

If you do a google search on 'clutter', there's something like 33 million results.'Tidy' brings up 52 million, and 'simplicity' a staggering 107 million.
So to write a blog myself on these very things, seems kind of...superfluous - almost like adding something else to the overloaded and excessive list that is already available.
But, here I am.
Today I visited a friend. The house is like mine - ordered, calm, and although not large, is spacious feeling. It was lovely!
I reckon it has to be easier to live in space not stuff. And yes, it takes time to keep my place the way it is, but I am convinced that it is LESS time than what it would take to clean a house that has double the furniture, double (or more) the toys, and had piles (however neat) where ever I looked.
I can clean my house, top to bottom in a little over an hour. That's vacuuming, dusting, cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, changing bedlinen and towels. I follow, kind of, www.flylady.net, although I was doing it before I discovered her (and I don't put out a new tea towel every day...).

So, due to popular demand (of at least, oh, one reader of this blog...) here is my list of tips for keeping the house clutter free and looking calm and orderly

10. make the beds, right away, every day. Drawing curtains, ditto.
9. make a rule about clothes - all things go in the laundry basket or are put away, right away, every day
8. there's a kid rule in this house: if it's found on the floor it is confiscated. For ever. Only ever had to do it once.
7. do the dishes, right away, every day
6. use the same routine on cleaning day. start in the same place each time, moving round the house in the same direction, every time. this not only feels more efficient, it quickly becomes a rhythm. Clean every room in the same session, otherwise it will feel like it never gets done. try and have a regular day or timeslot for cleaning. Have a cleaning box always ready so you're not rummaging for products, cloths etc.
5. Have regular purges (as per previous post). Aim to do each room at least once a year. So in an average house that means a room is getting looked at every 8 weeks or so. Count the pantry, the linen cupboard and the garage as rooms too.
4. for every one thing that comes in to the house, something goes out. whether it's clothes, linen, kitchen stuff, whatever
3. get in the habit of recycling, upcycling and donating. Often. I always have a box on the go!
2. have one, or two, designated dump spots in the house. Ideally not in regular view (IE not the kitchen bench or your dressing table!). I have a table in the laundry where everything left by other people, or things to be taken out of the house, are always put. I also have a 'safe place' - mine is a small kete on a shelf in the kitchen. All little bits go in there - spare wheels from toy cars, extra keys, spare pens, anything very little that i find when I...
1. Do 'sweeps' around the house. I was doing this long before i discovered it had a fancy name. I do it about 3 times a day. This is how it works:
- I always start in the same place, as per cleaning day. Moving through each room I pick up everything that's not in it's rightful place. If it is out of place in the room it's put back.If it's from somewhere else - like say a hairbrush left on the kitchen bench, I pick it up and take it with me. By the time I've moved right round the houseI might have 7 or 8 things that all need returning elsewhere. Rarely is it more than this as I adhere to the other principals as much as I can during the day. And it's not difficult or time-consuming - it takes 2 or 3 minutes tops each time.
I always always do a sweep before bed so that I come out to a tidy house in the morning.
And (almost) always before I leave the house each morning so I return to order too.

Now, these things might sound a bit detailed, pedantic, maybe even rather hard work, but this is how it works for me. I've got the children in the habit,(although I do have to nag a bit about shoes around the place and toys left out!) and they too like being in tidy and ordered environments.

For me, I need the order in order to function! I simply can't concentrate or relax when there is chaos around me. When I have a house full, which is often, I am happy to have things out of place of course. When the kids have friends over it often looks like the place has imploded. But as soon as everyone is gone - yep I'm straight back into it!

Oh, and like the cartoon...just stop buying stuff....

virtually virtuous

2011-07-01T10:15:00.000+12:00

I've been thinking about virtues this week.
There's been some discussion at the children's school about the value of 'religious education' (RE) during class time. I've also been doing some reading about inclusive belief systems.
Seems to me that the bottom line here is that most people want their children to learn 'good values' - be that in the context of a belief system (IE religion), or as a more humanistic set of virtues.
When it comes to crisis, it doesn't seem to matter which set of spiritual beliefs, if any, that a person holds on to - what counts is the things they value - kindness, transparency, honesty, fairness, justice etc.

There's a whole programme being delivered in schools around the world, based on this (virtues project) and I really like the idea. Now I am not against RE per Se' - how could I be, when some of the work I do is in ministry - but I tire of the concept of my kids learning 'bible stories' ad nauseum, rather than learning about things at a deeper level - and I do believe that even the youngest children have a sense of spirituality and we don't give them enough credit for this.

So, that brings me to this question: what really matters to me? is it a set of rules, a code of conduct, a belief in a particular dogma, or is it in fact, more about feeling a kinship to like minded people who subscribe to similar beliefs and values as me - all the while maintaining a real sense of what it is that I believe and stand by.

I have to be honest and say that my own 'belief structure' - for want of a better expression - does not fit within traditional boundaries. I recently completed an absolutely fascinating on-line questionnaire at www.belief.net (BeliefOMatic) which sounds lighthearted but was actually a really challenging and revealing exercise. I did it with a group and it really brought around some great discussion.

Above all, I value and honour.....truth and honesty - always in love not judgement!, kindness and humility, fairness and ownership, and social responsibility. I think that these things do fit into the 'spiritual' category even though they sound more like virtues. Being aware of ones actions and reactions means (or should mean) we can become more real, more authentic, more honest.

I fail miserably, a lot of the time, (i'm not nearly as virtuous as I appear to be:))...in fact I don't even want to call it failing - maybe it would be better to say it's all part of the succeeding!!!. One day at a time. (just as well really!). Living each moment fully but always with one eye on the future and watching to see where this path is taking me.

boys and girls come out to play

2011-06-28T22:21:00.000+12:00

The dancing queen has a new best friend. And that best friend happens to be a boy. They draw together, play on the trampoline, make up dance routines, perform 'shows' - all the things one might expect of any kid of 8 or 9.

Sadly for her though, thanks to the ever growing pressure on children to become adults, they is getting rather a lot of stick from the rest of her class - ooh you have a boyfriend! have you kissed yet? and other less than savoury, clearly misunderstood, and obviously uneducated guesses at what might be transpiring between them.

We've talked at length about this, her and I. She is upset, somewhat confused about what the questions all mean, but also curious, knows that there is 'something' involved in this. To start with they were almost amused by the attention shown by the other children, but now it has become a source of angst - and is causing some ripples in the classroom. Apparently it's all about 'liking' and 'hating'. Ick, what horrible language for children to be using in the first place!

I want to put an end to the teasing but understand it is just kids being kids. I want to protect her from knowing 'too much' about boy/girl relationships, but get that just having a friend is probably the very early stages of understanding the differences between the genders.

I've taken the line that, when the others are teasing them, and asking such questions, they are only using language that is 'inappropriate for their age' (she likes this), and that it is just fine to walk away or tell them to stop. I've told her I'm really glad that she has friends who are girls AND boys, and that this is a really great way to get to know all kinds of people and have good relationships as she grows older. We talked about how important it is to keep the other friends, and not abandon them just for this new one.

I'm sure that when I was young there were similar situations - but at 8 years old? surely not!

I am becoming more and more sceptical about this modern culture of technology and easy access to knowledge that we live in. . It's bad enough that puberty is coming 3 or 5 years early than it did 30 years ago.

I want my children to enjoy being children for as long as they can

financial dyslexia

2011-06-26T15:45:00.000+12:00

The term 'financial literacy' has been bounced around for at least 10 years that I can think of - and recently was in the headlines again when MP Simon Power made the hardly-surprising announcement that the financial literacy programmes, supposed to be delivered by the Min of Ed, appeared to be either not working, or not even being delivered.

My last blog was about how couples can achieve financial compatibility when they have different money languages. But consider this - if so many people are actually financially illiterate, then their chances of even having a money language are severely limited.

Moreover, I believe that many NZ'ers are not only illiterate when it comes to matters financial, they are actually dyslexic.

By this, I mean that despite the (admittedly minimal) education that have had about budgeting and managing money, and possibly the fact that they grew up in a house with what could be considered good financial habits, thanks to the influx of 'easy money' and our consumer based culture, the are now faced with completely skewed, even incomprehensible messages from the finance industry.

Where one person will see a dodgy finance company, or be able to understand the high risk/high return concept, many others will simply see the lure of a high interest rate and consequent (they hope) increased income.

Where one will see that a hire purchase is simply a fools game, many many more will gladly take on loans for consumables with outrageous interest rates, all the while seduced by the mentality of 'have it now' and 'low monthly payments'.

In fact the value of money has, in my view, diminished. Consumers want more, and want it now, and the finance companies are only too happy to oblige them with online loans, no-application credit cards, and seductive lines like 'buy now, pay later' or, the deceptive 'no payments for 18 months'. So, the financially gullible purchaser (and that means most of us), is programmed to stop thinking about the long term, and simply enjoy the short term pleasure of owning a new gadget, or car, or entertainment system.

The irony is of course that the value of the goods decreases at almost the same alarming rate that the interest cost of that good increases. But as the clever marketing people remind us, that thanks to the considerate and flexible terms of the financier, we do not even need to think about the fact that the $1000 TV is in fact going to cost us not $20 a week but more like $2000 or more, over the next two years - by which time we will want to upgrade again and start the cycle, again. The consumer literally cannot, or will not, see this anomaly as the financial education they are receiving is cleverly, and frighteningly, packaged in the 'whats in it for me' wrapping paper that we all love to look at and open.

So, how do we change a culture? Is it even possible to change the way consumers view their saving/spending habits - and therefore can decipher their own financial dyslexia?

To begin with, there just has to be some changes in regulations.

- Firstly, make it compulsory for financial institutions to supply true costs of borrowing - total credit card interest and so on.. The government is working on this. That will scare some people. But not all

- Secondly, there needs to be true income testing for borrowers. It's just way too easy to get money. No more complimentary credit cards, no more application free loans. As a country we simply can't afford it.

- Thirdly, introduce financial education at the earliest age. Even a 5 year old can learn about money in/money out at it's most basic. And this needs to be a core part of education for all children, right through school.

Finally, and this is the hard one - we need to each make a conscious decision about our spending and saving. The best way to teach is to model behaviour. That doesn't necessarily mean having a budget pinned to the fridge (although it might do), or only buying groceries on special (although that's a good idea!), or going without some of life's pleasures.

But it does mean a total change in attitude - as long as we continue to be a patron of consumerism, it will continue to try to own us.

10 simple steps to deciphering money and becoming financially literate

1. Know where your money is coming from and going. Take the time to write a budget (there's a great template at www.sorted.org.nz

2. Write a list of goals - especially those that are going to require a financial investment

3. Put a no-circulars sign on your letter box - no pamphlets, less temptation

4. for 3 months, keep every bill, invoice and account. At the end, look at exactly where your money went. Does it match your budget? What needs to change?

5. Chop up your credit card. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER (did i mention NEVER) purchase something on HP. The only exception to this is a health/employment crisis

6. Open a second bank account and start saving. Even if it's only an automatic payment of $5 a week, it's a good habit to get into.

7. Make some rules - what are you NOT prepared to give up/go without? What will have to change to make this happen? What are you going to say goodbye/not now/maybe later to?

8. Tell others. lobby your kids school/your work place/your place of study to include some financial education in their day to day schedule.

9. Apply all the above to your children (as appropriate). Even the very young can understand about money coming in (pocket money) and how they are going to spend it

10. .If you're struggling get help. Seriously. Budget advice. Bank. Online coaching. Do it now.

the age old question...are we compatible?

2011-06-23T20:18:00.004+12:00

When forming a new relationship, particularly with a significant other (in comparison to with a friend), there is much to be said about finding areas of compatibility. When the stars have faded a little, and the soft focus has turned more to a blur (or possibly a frighteningly sharp focus), I think it's important to have some things to work from and towards.

The experts say that having a similar IQ is important. That ones emotional intelligence should also be on the same wavelength. perhaps some shared interests and hobbies, congruency in goals and dreams. Similar spiritual thoughts or values. Sexual compatibility.

How about this one: financial compatibility.

Now, compatibility, by it's own definition does not mean that both sides have to be the same, but it does mean that they have to CONGRUOUS...be able to fit together, not create disharmony.

I would suggest that this is one of the most important things of all, especially for those people on 'second time round', and in particular when the two partners enter the relationship with different levels of asset and liabilities (and spending/saving habits!). Yes, there can be events outside of our control that lead us to be in a particular set of fiscal circumstances, but I am talking here about those base values and habits that make up our financial personality.

Where one is a spender, and one is a saver - or one believes in speculation and the other in accumulation, the issue is not then who comes with what, or even which path they will follow as a couple (assuming they choose a joint financial path) but how they will manage the differences. Yes there is the issue of financial literacy - it plays a huge part of course, but I'll save that for another blog, and assume here, that both parties have some sense of what this is.

A saver, for example, may bring up their children to, or have been brought up in a family who, respect money for it's cumulative effect. Possibly be a cautious spender, favour a regular job over self-employment and see owning a house as a priority or goal. The spender may live in the now, not feel the same need to be tied to a particular career, or location - see the freedom in never 'owning a mortgage' and prefer to enjoy their money in the short term.

I believe that where there are extremes of these differences, a relationship is already on a precarious path. It is certainly true that money is a major cause of divorce - but I think it's deeper than that. It's about where each person puts priority and value, more than how each dollar is actually spent. For simplicity, I have referred to each end of this spectrum as a 'saver' and a 'spender'.

For example, when, as a saver, you see your loved one - be it partner, sibling or child - treating money in a different way to how you think it 'should' be treated, it can be tempting to see them as wrong, or misguided, or just plain irresponsible. Similarly the spender could see the saver as over cautious, conservative or mean.

So, what to do?

Firstly, I think it's about recognising that one persons 'value' of money (possessions/assets/liabilities/spending and saving) is not necessarily the same as the others. And in fact, working on the principal that perception equals reality, one or the other is neither wrong nor right, except to the believer. Note thought, that this can be particularly tricky when it's someone you already have a strong emotional connection to.

Secondly, identifying where you sit on the money continuum - what is your style?

Thirdly, deciding which things are 'no go' areas, or deal breakers in a relationship, when it comes to money - and believe me, there will be some. High personal debt and little in assets is likely to be just as offputting to the saver as a huge mortgage is to the spender.

Finally, discovering together,which areas of 'finance' are manageable, adaptable, or have potential for developing. - that's the compatibility being tested. It's going to be challenging, it might mean making some hard decisions, but the payoff will be worth it's weight in gold:)

be prepared!

2011-06-20T23:25:00.002+12:00

Last Sunday I was part of the investiture of NZ's newest scouting group. Keas, cubs and 4 new leaders had their investiture and were presented with their scarves. It was a really interesting ceremony, including promises, laws salutes and handshakes.

It's a whole new world, this Scouting one. I had no idea there was so much formality, so many rituals (wolf yell anyone?) and tradition. It was so terrific to see so many families connecting and commiting to what on the surface essentially appears to be a rather old fashioned (or at least old school!) way of bringing kids together.

The leaders all took on names (bird names in the case of ours). I am yet to decide on a name - as I am not a nickname person - don't even like being called a derivative of my OWN name! - I am struggling with this a bit!

Especially considering that on arriving at the investiture I offhandedly mentioned to the organisers that I 'probably should have been invested today, just so there is another person warranted' - and ended up being invested as Group Leader - responsible for the whole shebang!

I'm a bit nervous about that - just how much extra work is this going to entail for me? I often already feel a bit stretched and do not want to do a half hearted job. However I am really excited about seeing this group get well established, and it is a great opportunity to be there from the beginning, so with that in mind I will approach this with an open mind (and a can-do attitude...very Scouting!)

Besides, what else would I do with all that time I am awake in the night!!?

you can see more about what we will be up to at www.scouts.org.nz

luxury weekend retreat in the wottifs

2011-06-18T20:27:00.001+12:00

I have come to realise that I spend way too much time worrying - no, make that, visiting the past, and wondering about the things that might have been.

Sometimes it's a visit to regret...

What if I had said 'yes' to a particular job/invitation/business proposition
What if I had been tougher and said 'no' to other jobs/invitations/business propositions!

Sometimes it's a visit to relief...

What if I HADN'T said yes...or said no...

Yes I know it's not very healthy to spend lots of time pontificating over what might have been, but I think if we are honest, every does it, at least a little bit. In some ways there can be a real pleasure in reliving an 'almost' moment - especially if it were one that held great promise. And it can also be liberating to be able to look back and be just a little self-congratulatory about the excellent choices we made in the past!

The best part about looking back though?

The luxury of being able to go there when I want - but also knowing it's just a fleeting visit - and I'll be back in reality in the blink of an eye.

the bathroom amnesty

2011-06-16T12:38:00.000+12:00

my latest idea for decluttering/simplifying and cost cutting is happening in the bathroom.

Tidying out the cupboard one day under the vanity (yeah yeah I know I need to get out more), I was amazed at how many sample size/travel sized and half used bottles and packets of things there were - perfume, deo, talc, fancy little soaps, sachets of shampoo, you name it. Out of curiousity I checked my handbag, overnight bag, toilet bag, makeup bag - and those of my daughters. Even more! I decided I was spending way too much money on soap, shampoo, air freshener, deodorant and so on and so on and so on and it was time to use what I had.

I got a small washing basket - one that would fit in the cabinet, and put everything in there. I figured I had enough stuff to last at least 6 weeks.

Now, I am not a hoarder as many of you know - but my goodness. I have not bought anything in the toiletry aisle for over 3 months. And I'm not even half way through it all.

I'm being creative - using the spray deos and perfume i'm not so keen on for air freshener...bits of shampoo for bubble bath for the kids. Using two-in-one shampoo for body wash. So far no one is complaining - and I reckon I saved myself heaps of $$ - and got an organised bathroom cabinet in to the bargain! My vision is to have ONE of everything - how much better will the bathroom look then!?

Next, the cleaning products - I mean, seriously, do we really need 10 different products when bleach, vinegar and baking soda, do most things?

the sound of silence

2011-06-14T14:38:00.000+12:00

After a busy morning of work, I stopped in town for groceries, a spot of shopping and some lunch. As usual wanted quick and easy and chose the golden arches.

I walked round to the (quite nice) cafe-y bit with my tray and a book. At the next table were an elderly couple. As I passed them to get to my table I noticed they were both sitting a little apart and not saying anything, but didn't have any food in front of them.

I ate my lunch, and read my book - stayed there for probably 20 minutes.

In that whole time, the couple did not speak to each other. They didn't have books, they didn't even have a cup of coffee, they just sat, looking around, but not at each other.

Now, it's possible that one - or both- have a hearing problem. It's possible they had just had an argument. It's possible that this is the first time they have not engaged in conversation in a long time. It might even be that they truly enjoy companionable silence.

But what struck me was that, maybe, maybe it wasn't. And (stretching the truth and probably reality for the purpose of a good yarn here...), what if this is what their life is now? Being together, but not ever talking. In fact, possibly being together but having run out of conversation.

Maybe it's the full moon, or maybe it was low blood sugar...but it made me feel quite sad. How awful, that one could get to the end of life, having spent it with the person who made you happiest - or at least that made you feel the best you could be - when you met them, and now have literally nothing to say to each other.

I always feel a bit 'thingie' when I see elderly couples helping each other across the road, or holding hands in a park, or doing the groceries together.

I heard a Henry Cloud talk yesterday about marriage and intimacy. He reckons the biggest aphrodisiac is time spent talking and listening to each other.

I think he's right. Perish the thought that I (in the event of growing old with someone) will reach a point of not having anything to talk about with my spouse. Then, it really is done and dusted.

I think I'll try and take a positive spin on it...maybe that old couple are so completely happy and content with each other, they can spend hours together without the need for words. Sound better?

my first guest blog

2011-06-10T13:20:00.001+12:00

I was recently invited to guest blog at http://quickeasycheaphealthy.com/
You can also find them on facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/quickeasycheaphealthy

This is an awesome blog with excellent recipes and ideas and some gorgeous food photos too.

Without further ado: my post:)

THE HERB GARDEN

I have a core list of recipes that are sure fire winners in my house. There's one adult and two (relatively palate-adventureous) children, and I endeavour to get something green into them every day. My maxim is: prepare and present in 30 minutes or less, aim for 5+ a day (veges/fruit), no leftovers on the plate

On the particular busy nights, - scouts, dancing, playdates - I often have soup, made with a pumpkin and what ever other veges come to hand. Pureed smooth with my stick mixer - seriously the best gadget in the house - I can usually get the kids to eat at least a couple of mugfuls, soaked up with some home made bread.

But when pumpkins (and time) are not so plentiful, I tend to fall back on my micro-garden. My entire vegetable garden is only about 4 square foot, but along with a number of fruit trees, it keeps us in the fresh '5+ a day' way for most of the year. The easier and faster to grow the better, and so I have given over around half of the garden space to herbs. Parsley, mint, basil-mint, chives, dill, rocket, thyme and shallot. These all grow with hardly any effort and care and easily transform something bland into something grand with minimum effort.

Whilst I can see the benefits of adding vege purees to food to top up on vitamins, I have been reluctant to do that too much, as I really want the children to get a taste for individual flavours, and also to appreciate the texture and colour that the 'whole' variety offers.

Here's two of my kid's favourites:

Surprise pie. This is absolutely a cheaters recipe but the children (and me...) love it.

Make up enough instant mash for however many you are serving. I use milk to make it, and then add a slosh of olive oil:

Heat the milk, then quickly beat in the flakes. When it's at a smoothand stiff consistency, add:

one grated carrot

a few florets of broccoli finely sliced.

2 - 3 tablespoons of finely chopped herbs (i use parsley and chives most)

half a cup or so of grated cheese.

mix that all through with a spoon.

Put it into a greased pie dish and then stick in the microwave for 3 or 4 minutes - this will reheat the potato, melt the cheese and par-cook the carrot and broccoli.

When it's piping hot, sprinkle with some more cheese and a bit of olive oil and flash under the grill til the top is browned.

It will firm up and easily then be scooped out. Sometimes for variety I put shredded deli ham on the top and grill that too.

My kids like it with gravy and a piece of bread to mop up the edges.

The kids will devour a whole plate of this- it's quick, easy and contains 3 veges. good for all!

PASTA in SAUCE

in a frying pan, cook one finely chopped onion in a little olive oil. Add a chopped clove of garlic or 1/2 tsp of garlic powder.

Add two tins of chopped tomatoes.

Add at least three tablespoons of chopped herbs (parsley, thyme, chives)

I also add some chopped olives as my kids love them.

Grate in a carrot.

Thicken with tomato paste.

cover and Leave to simmer about 10 minutes whilst you cook short pasta.

Drain pasta and combine with the sauce.

Dinner!

purging,splurging and emerging

2011-06-08T14:43:00.004+12:00

are those not some of the most evocative words you've ever heard? (or heard today...)

Purging - the want of many, the obsession of few. In this instance I'm referring to stuff-purging, which I have written about before. I am almost there! There is almost nothing left in my house that I do not believe to be useful or beautiful (thanks you William Morris!). It's a great feeling. I can clean the house in an hour if I'm quick, less than two if I'm careful. I've decreased my weekly spending heaps too - just by using up everything that's about the place (currently the bathroom, home of samples and half empty bottles). The garage is almost finished, just a few odd things to re-home, and then it can become a relatively safe outside playspace for the kids for winter.
The pantry - well that's a work in progress, but I am slowly weaning myself off my appliance/gadget addiction, and unhealthy habit of buying interesting but largely unpalatable condiments.

But ah the splurging! For what would life be without a little mad money! Right now, my splurging is shoes (duh!) and dresses. I reckon there's a real gap in the market for a vintage/preloved shop just selling dressy clothes. I can't bring myself to spend $100 on a dress and so I've been lurking on TradeMe - and wow are there some bargains to be had there. There must be a whole community of women who wear high end clothes once and then put them up for sale. Principals, Mei Mei, Trelise, all a steal!

I was selling stuff on Trade Me too, but I've tended lately to go down the 'give it away' route. I figure that people are so generous to me, especially with kids stuff, that the least I can do is give away some of the things I no longer have a use for.

I'm particularly fond of the 'Pay it Forward' idea - whilst not really a karma kind of girl, i think there's real merit in doing a good turn in gratitude for one done to you.

I'm trying to teach my children the same principals....purge those things (physical or otherwise) that we don't need, want, or care for any more. occasionally, splurge on something fabulous. And in the meantime, continue to show intentional honour to those whose paths we cross, which can only make us better people.

dream weaving

2011-06-06T10:39:00.002+12:00

I fear my post on nightmares may have been a self prophecy.

After 9 months of being nightmare-free (give or take), at least my insomnia was manageable.

But suddenly the weirdo, help my kids are missing type of dreams are back.

The suckiest thing about being single? waking up from a bad dream alone.

I did have one REALLY weird one last week too....read at your own risk!

I am dancing. I am really enjoying it, lots of twirling and spinning.

I have a great dance partner, who is delighting in spinning me around.

The dance partner morphs into a Bolivian folk singer called Fonterra, and is now my boyfriend. He has long black hair, a flashing smile and a shark tooth earring. He is short. (I have danced in real life with someone who kind of looks like this).

I look across to ask another man to dance. I really want to dance with the other guy. It's someone I know in real life. But in the dream he has become a Hare Krishna. He's jumping around with his drum, having a great time, extolling the virtues of his newfound passion, with such fervour that he is oblivious to all that is happening around him. Then he's dancing right in front of me and saying, 'soon, later, I just want to finish this dance first'.
Fonterra keeps pulling me away, but because he is so short I can see the other guy over his head.

I wake up feeling exhausted and discombobulated.

It's was so vivid I can can still recall the details of it, 10 days later.

I've described this dream to a couple of people, the interpretations are extraordinary. What do you think it means?

the next best thing

2011-06-03T21:11:00.001+12:00

I have a special gift for coming second.

I think maybe it's because I peaked too early...first born of four children. First to make the front page of the paper at age 1. And again at age 4. First on the stage at 5. Won my first ever piano competition at 8. It was all downhill from there...

I have the dubious honour of being picked not once, not even twice, but actually three times for UNDERSTUDY in the school play.

I was an excellent straight-B student.

In the school orchestra I was always honoured with playing second flute. And being the subsitute piano player. Oh and singing alto - but never in the first row, always just behind.

It was my second car (ah the Nissan 180B) that was the cool one - till I wrote it off.

Once I got a speeding ticket for going 90 in a 50 km zone. I was pretty proud of that, in a weird kind of way - I was late for church. When I got there, I announced my feat - too late, someone else had got one just before me, going even faster.

I recently met up with a boy I had a secret crush on when I was a teenager. He married my friend.

Without exception, every boy I went out with before I got married myself, married their next girlfriend (actually does that make me second or first???). I often heard 'oh you are just the girl I would like to marry...if I actually WANTED to get married...which I don't...'

Sheesh even when I contracted meningitis in 2004 and was whisked off in an ambulance I arrived at hospital to learn my mother had already been diagnosed and admitted with it!

Maybe I'm just better at following trends than setting them?

I console myself with this: coming second ACTUALLY means, coming last...First!

grumpy old bag

2011-06-01T22:15:00.001+12:00

I want to be one of those loving positive mothers I really do. When my kids are fractious, I want to be the one who says, 'oh, let's blow bubbles' or 'aha, what you need is to come and cook with me'..

But, the truth is, I'm not that person. Yes, mostly I'm positive, but I sometimes find myself saying NO almost as an automatic reaction to my kids requests before I've even digested the question. Can I have a - NO! Mum, will you - NO! Can I go to - NO

I saw the shorts for a movie, called The Boys are Back. In it, the actor says, Just Say Yes. It's about parenting alone, it makes sense to me, kind of.

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3531014681/

We rob ourselves, and our kids, of such simple joys, all in the name of calm, order, quiet and minimising mess.

I resolve to say YES more and NO less.

shut up

2011-05-31T12:33:00.001+12:00

ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife...

Somewhat ironic to be using a blog - the home of opinion and freedom to express - to pontificate on the benefits of shutting up, but there it is...

I often joke, semi-seriously, that my maxim for life is that it is easier to seek forgiveness than to ask permission. I have to say, that mostly, that works for me. Mainly because I have this annoying habit - oops, I mean underdeveloped skill - of saying or doing what comes to me, rather than spending a whole lot of time planning and thinking before acting. On the other hand, I truly excel at looking back in retrospect and agonising with great embarrassment over why I did or said something! (this is usually followed by afore mentioned seeking of forgiveness, or even more rash act as vain attempt to assuage guilt for first rash act!).

And I talk for a living, pretty much, so I've well and truly got in the habit of sharing what's in my head and heart. (Although don't be decieved..I might be noisy but I am still a pretty private person).

So, what's to be done about it. I think the realisation I've come to is that rather than jumping in boots and all - and consequently coming across as scary redhead girl, I probably just need to learn to shut up more.

Which brings me to the second irony...people tell me stuff. I delight in sharing peoples trials and tribulations. And I know things that I wish I didn't. There are husbands of friends that I can't look in the eye. Damn, there are FRIENDS I sometimes can't look in the eye!!! That said, I love that people feel safe to tell me things. And know that they won't go any further than me. The good, the bad and the ugly. So, I figure that at least some of the time I must be good at listening - ergo, good at shutting up.

So how come, when zipping it is most crucial, I can't help but share? Yep, I can wear my heart on my sleeve - it will probably be to my eternal detriment that I'm not a game player...I'm told that this is the way of the world and most people like a little challenge, especially in the male/female relationship arena. I also have a loathing of broken relationship - I truly cannot bear being on the wrong side of a friend, or having unresolved conflict - hence my tendency to over analyse and often be the first to seek restitution (sometimes before the dust is even settled).

What's the right course of action here? Should we be honest...transparent...and forthright...or is it sometimes better to be reticent and even taciturn at times?

Should I just learn to shut up?

boys and girls come out to play

2011-05-29T23:16:00.001+12:00

The conversation turned, as oft it does in the company of single men and women, to the ins and outs (or more specifically highs and lows...) of relationships.
It meandered through the usual semi-serious desparaging remarks about our qualities and attractiveness, post 40. We laughed at some insights, compared war stories, made broad generalisations on the state of male/female relationships.
The question arose: could men have women for friends without benefits...or without the complications of growing/continued emotional attachment? Could women in vice versa?
Opinions were sharply divided. Interestly, one woman said, absolutely not - either the ones you wanted to grow potential never did, or the ones you weren't interested in made unwelcome moves.

Another said, yes it's possible. The man in the group said, yes, of course, many of my friends are women.

I've had this conversation with so many people. It occurred to me that in my immediate circle of friends (not counting those of new acquaintance), I am the only single. in the wider 'single friends' group, there is pretty much men only (in fact just one other female friend). Which says to me, yes, men and women CAN be friends. The spark that's needed to grow and enjoy friendship doesn't necessarily have to translate into anything more...even though sometimes that is nice, and desirable.

I am glad my kids see me having friendship with both men and women. They love my male friends - possibly more than the 'mummy' friends actually (so much more fun, less growling, more play).

I really enjoy male company - it's a different dynamic to time with the girls...

What do you think?

a feast for the senses

2011-05-28T17:21:00.007+12:00

Man has no Body distinct from his Soul;

for that called Body is a portion of Soul discerned by the five Senses,

the chief inlets of Soul in this age.

William Blake

Cool rain on warm ground
Coffee just-made
Hot buttered toast
These things I love to smell

Strong shoulders
expensive cotton sheets
warm dough ready for kneading
These things I love to touch

Kids playing
The faint sound of music growing louder as I draw close to a party
spontaneous singing, just for the joy of it
These things I love hearing

Rainbows
Glossy magazines
Photographs of those I love
These things I love to look at

Dark dark chocolate, melting on my tongue
First kisses
Raspberries straight from the garden
These things I love tasting

The smell of my children, fresh from a bath
The taste of home baking, still warm from the oven
The sight of a sunrise, viewed from my bed
The feel of a hug, encompassing me
The sound of laughter, unabandoned

These things nourish my soul

a freakin' nightmare

2011-05-26T21:52:00.000+12:00

All my life i have been plagued by bad dreams.

Those horrible, wake up gasping for breath, feeling sweaty ones. Often scary. Sometimes I remember the 'story' but often I don't, it's just an overhang of emotions.

I'm a really bad sleeper anyway, so to be woken by a bad dream is salt in the wound for me.

I've tried everything...pills and potions, staying awake longer, going to bed earlier, dark room, light room, quiet, noise, different pillows and blankets, even counselling etc etc etc etc etc. Alllargely to no avail. Doesn't help me sleep any better and none seem to stop bad dreams for long.

I absolutely hate waking from a bad dream and being on my own. really hate it.

I hate waking every 20 minutes or so (I know, I've timed it....).

What I have realised though, is that the dreams seem to happen when i have an unidentified stress in my head. I can feel it tugging at the back of my mind now, but can't figure out what it is I'm actually stressed about. Sheesh, it's enough to make you lose sleep over it!

Tips anyone?

a letter to my 18 year old self

2011-05-24T13:01:00.001+12:00

Dear Susan,
(I promise you will never ever ever be called Sue)

There's a fad doing the rounds on the internet at the moment. It's where women write letters to their 15 year old selves, giving sage advice and reminding themselves how wonderful life could be for them, if only they would listen to their own words.

I figure you didn't really need much advice at 15, in fact not sure that at 18 you are going to even want to listen, but I'm going to take the chance to remind you of some of the things you're going to learn in the next 10 years....

1. The next time you are made to feel stupid, walk away! There's lots of people who think you are not very bright and that's their loss. Just because you chose to work rather than go to university, doesn't mean you weren't capable of it. You might never do any full time study, but that's ok. Just make the most of all the courses and workshops you're going to be sent on over the next few years. Follow your passions...write when you want to write. Don't when you don't. Keep it all - you'll wish you had!

2. A few more think you are way too bossy and opinionated - well they are right actually, but hang on to that. Having such a strong sense of self is going to keep you out of trouble. It probably wouldn't hurt for you to be a bit less forthright when sharing those 'big beliefs' - not everyone is as ardent as you about what they believe in.

3. grab every opportunity that comes your way. some things will only happen once in your lifetime. Soon, the Berlin wall is going to come down and you are going to wish for the rest of your life that you went over to be there when it happened. You're going to get a chance to live in another country, in another culture, and you should embrace that and saturate yourself in the experience for as long as you are able.

4. Just because their aren't any 'lady bank managers' now, doesn't mean you can't do it. Right now, a career is the last thing on your mind. Which is great - work hard, earn money and go and see the world. And know that one day, you can come back and make a real impact on the lives of the people you work with and for.

5. Be kind to yourself. One day, trust me, you're going to LOVE your red hair.

Yes, you're probably going to starve yourself and overeat and never be happy with how you look. Let it go. Respect your body, and your mind. Know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Surround yourself with people who love you and build you up. WALK AWAY from the stupid boys that will feed you all kinds of rubbish to salve their own insecurites.

Above all, Do what you love. Hang on to what you beleive to be right and true.
Take joy in the fact that those who are your closest friends now, still will be in 25 years.
That which saddens, and maddens youknow,still will.
All those things that make your heart sing - still will.